The Santa Squad
A Violently Heartwarming Christmas Carol
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The Santa Squad
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Narrated by:
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Steven Heumann
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By:
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Steven Heumann
About this listen
The North Pole burns. Santa wants revenge.
When a terrorist organization sets their sights on annihilating Christmas, their first act is to take out Kris Kringle himself. But a slug to the chest can't keep a good Santa down.
With the help of his North Pole crew and some mercenaries straight off the naughty list, Santa will save Christmas, even if it destroys him.
And it just might.
For everyone out there who argues that Die Hard is the ultimate Christmas movie, now you have a story that will make you laugh, cry, and want to destroy some anti-Santite bastards!
©2019 Steven Heumann (P)2020 Steven HeumannListeners also enjoyed...
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,562
After decades hunting wanted offworlders throughout the solar system, Corporate Bounty Hunter Malcolm Graves doesn't bother asking questions. So long as the pay is right, he's the man for the job. And he always works alone. But when a high-profile bombing on Earth has Pervenio Corp clamoring for answers, they force him to team up with a strange, cyber-augmented partner. A young man more interested in statistics than instinct. Their assignment: Track down a suspected group of extremists from Titan who will go to any length to free their moon from the grip of Earth's corporations.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great Mystery Sci-fi
- By Bryan on 02-08-19
By: Rhett C. Bruno
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New Avengers: Breakout
- By: Alisa Kwitney, Marvel
- Narrated by: Richard Rohan
- Length: 4 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 221
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 189
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 189
Under secret orders to assassinate the Widow, Hawkeye, the rough-edged marksman, finds himself caught up in a violent prison break that releases some of the world's most vicious and powerful criminals. Defying his superiors, Hawkeye joins forces with the sultry Russian spy and a mismatched group of personalities that include Spider-Man, Spider-Woman, Luke Cage, Captain America, and Iron Man.
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3 out of 5 stars
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To much cut content
- By Amazon Customer on 09-15-19
By: Alisa Kwitney, and others
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Occupation
- Rise, Book 1
- By: Devon C. Ford, Nathan Hystad
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,869
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,619
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,613
Alec works in the Detroit Overseer-factories, building a mysterious alien device. When three strangers appear, he's provided an opportunity to escape after years of servitude. Cole, a Freeborn loner, encounters Lina after her village is destroyed by the alien Occupation. Together, they make the arduous journey to a fabled safe-zone, trying to stay one step ahead of the enemy drones on their trail. Dex is a Hunter, working for the Occupation to track down escaped factory slaves, or Roamers, at all costs. But his latest hunt uncovers a massive secret.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Exceptional Character Driven Alien Invasion Story!
- By Jas P on 05-24-20
By: Devon C. Ford, and others
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The Death of Captain America
- By: Larry Hama, Marvel
- Narrated by: Richard Rohan, Tara Giordano
- Length: 5 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 182
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 156
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 155
In the aftermath of the superhuman Civil War, Captain America was shot down in cold blood. In the aftermath of his death, Cap's longtime partner the Falcon makes revenge his first order of business. Sharon Carter finds herself spiraling out of control, a captive of the Red Skull's minions. And Bucky Barnes, a.k.a. the Winter Soldier, must reconcile his own sordid past with the calling to become...the new Captain America!
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5 out of 5 stars
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Terrific adaptation!
- By Amazon Customer on 12-13-19
By: Larry Hama, and others
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The Opening Chase: A Chase Fulton Novel
- Chase Fulton Series
- By: Cap Daniels
- Narrated by: Kyle Tait
- Length: 10 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 494
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 448
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Story4 out of 5 stars 446
When collegiate baseball phenom Chase Fulton suffers a freak injury on the field that shatters his dreams of becoming a Major League catcher, his future looks bleak until he’s recruited into quasi-governmental covert operations, where his training as an assassin and covert intelligence operative launches him into a world fraught with danger, intrigue, and unexpected passion.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Terrible book but good narration..
- By Trish R. on 04-14-19
By: Cap Daniels
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Resurrection of the Damned
- War of the Damned, Book 1
- By: Michael Todd, Michael Anderle, Laurie Starkey
- Narrated by: Emily Beresford
- Length: 5 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 37
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 34
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Story5 out of 5 stars 33
In a world invaded by demons, it's up to Katie and her Killers to restore order while also evading enemies - and friends - who want her in the worst way.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Totally Spoiled Storyline
- By Linda Luella on 01-03-20
By: Michael Todd, and others
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Rogue, Renegade and Rebel
- In Her Paranormal Majesty's Secret Service, Book 1
- By: Michael Anderle
- Narrated by: Justine Eyre
- Length: 19 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 352
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 325
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 325
In 1901, Queen Victoria passed away and took over the responsibilities of the paranormal court. When Victoria ascends to the paranormal throne, she acquires the help of a human agent, code-named Rogue.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Nope..
- By Trish R. on 04-29-21
By: Michael Anderle
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Herokiller
- A Novel
- By: Paul Tassi
- Narrated by: Stephen Bowlby
- Length: 16 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 58
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 55
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 55
Mysterious billionaire Cameron Crayton is a household name from televised spectacles in which prison inmates fight to the death, but his old shows pale in comparison to his new event, The Crucible, a gladiatorial tournament anyone can enter. The winner is promised unimaginable wealth and glory...if they’re able to survive a series of globally broadcast fight-to-the-death matches with medieval weaponry against the world’s most fearsome fighters.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Great storyline
- By Sarah Benn on 12-20-23
By: Paul Tassi
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Arcadian Genesis
- By: Greig Beck
- Narrated by: Sean Mangan
- Length: 5 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 101
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 95
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 94
Alex Hunter - in the mission that turned him from a normal man into the weapon known as the Arcadian - and the elite team of soldiers known as the Hotzone All-Forces Warfare Commandos must enter a hostile country to rescue a defected Chechen researcher from the centre of a country at war. But the HAWCs are not the only ones looking for the rogue scientist and the mysterious package he carries with him. A brutal and relentless killer and his death squad are on the trail, too - and they bring a savagery with them that Hunter and his team have never witnessed before in modern warfare.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Not bad, but not great
- By Michael on 02-27-22
By: Greig Beck
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Awakened
- A Novel
- By: James S. Murray, Darren Wearmouth
- Narrated by: James S. Murray
- Length: 9 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 538
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 491
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Story4 out of 5 stars 490
The star of truTV’s hit show Impractical Jokers - alongside veteran sci-fi and horror writer Darren Wearmouth - delivers a chilling and wickedly fun supernatural novel in the vein of The Strain, in which a beautiful new subway line in New York City unearths an ancient dark horror that threatens the city’s utter destruction and the balance of civilization itself.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Good, but narrator talks really fast
- By T. Winter on 08-11-18
By: James S. Murray, and others
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No Planet for Good Men: A Sheriff Duke Story
- Forgotten Fallout, Book 1
- By: M.R. Forbes
- Narrated by: Jonathan Davis
- Length: 9 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 193
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 163
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 163
Earth. After the invasion. The planet is in ruins. Humankind struggles to survive. Hayden is a Sheriff in a world without law. A good man in a world gone bad. He knows the fallout of an alien attack when he sees it. He's never seen anything like this before. Isaac is a Marine in a world without order. A good man with troubles of his own. His mission was to protect the innocent, including his son. Instead, he's the only survivor.
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4 out of 5 stars
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A Sheriff in Battle Armor
- By Sailfish on 11-04-19
By: M.R. Forbes
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Resonant Son
- Resonant Son, Book 1
- By: Christopher Hopper, J. N. Chaney
- Narrated by: Mark Boyett
- Length: 9 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 349
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 325
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 322
After losing his job and family, Flint Reed finds himself in the middle of a terrorist attack. With nothing but his wits and experience as a former Union police officer, he must do everything he can to stay alive. As he soon discovers, however, there are also hostages, and no one is coming to save them. All hope falls to Flint. But as he fights to navigate the building, the real answers begin to unravel. What are the terrorists really after, and why are they so intent on getting into the vault?
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5 out of 5 stars
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Die Hard in the Renegade Universe!
- By MLT78 on 02-18-20
By: Christopher Hopper, and others
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Rebel Stars: Books 0-2
- By: Edward W. Robertson
- Narrated by: Ray Chase
- Length: 20 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 372
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 337
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 336
A thousand years ago, an alien invasion set humanity back to the Iron Age. Slowly, we recovered, colonizing the Solar System in peace. And discovered that an unknown force is stopping us from exploring any farther. But before the cause can be discovered, a slow-burning conspiracy threatens to explode into System-wide war. With enemies at home and in the darkness beyond, a team of unlikely heroes-a janitor, a mercenary, an asteroid miner, and a pirate-are the only ones who can avert a second apocalypse. This set includes the first three books of the newly-finished REBEL STARS series.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Fun and entertaining.
- By Shirley on 01-04-18
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The Gordian Protocol
- The Gordian Protocol, Book 1
- By: David Weber, Jacob Holo
- Narrated by: Gabriel Vaughan
- Length: 18 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 268
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 235
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Story4 out of 5 stars 233
Doctor Benjamin Schröder was far from a man of action. In fact, he was a history teacher - chairman of the Castle Rock University history department - and if his life wasn't perfect, it was close. Until, that is the discussion of his star student Elzbietá Abramowski's dissertation on Operation Oz, the Pacific Allies' invasion of Vladivostok, was brutally interrupted. The psychotic episode that turned his entire world upside down struck with absolutely no warning, and it was more terrifying than anything he should have been able to imagine.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Trash
- By E on 05-08-19
By: David Weber, and others
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Initiate
- Animus, Book 1
- By: Joshua Anderle, Michael Anderle
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello
- Length: 9 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,778
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 2,563
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,557
He was in a gang but was trying to change his future, when a board member of the elite advanced academy NEXUS made a snap decision and offered him a chance. Then fate, or an unbalanced genius, offered him another. The Nexus Academy is for the elite trainees from Earth, and now trials from our alien allies, as they teach the future generation how to fight, lead, hack, spy, and many other talents and tactics. Hired by companies, governments, and NGOs, these graduates work to pay off the massive debt their training at the academy accumulates.
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1 out of 5 stars
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I don’t Understand How It received Any Good Reviews
- By Joseph B. Daugherty on 08-23-19
By: Joshua Anderle, and others
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Overtaken Online Books 1-4
- A Dark LitRPG/LitFPS SciFi-Shooter Box Set
- By: Ben Ormstad
- Narrated by: Doug Tisdale Jr.
- Length: 56 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 272
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 252
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Story4 out of 5 stars 252
Thirty-three-year-old game designer Dex Walsh spends an entire year devoured by sorrow after the death of his wife. As a last-ditch effort to regain his joy, he sells everything and joins Overtaken Online. Expecting to spawn in a noob-friendly area with guidance from his personal assistant, he instead finds himself naked and alone in a dark prison cell rapidly filling with gas. Under-leveled and not knowing how to escape, he has no idea how far he will be able to progress as long as he pushes forward and doesn't give up.
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2 out of 5 stars
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The "hero" is a creep.
- By Barbara H. Huewitt on 09-24-22
By: Ben Ormstad
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Breaking Gods
- Godbreaker, Book 1
- By: D. J. Molles
- Narrated by: Christian Rummel
- Length: 9 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,849
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,690
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,689
In the beginning, the gods destroyed the world. Five hundred years later, things haven’t gotten much better for humans. The demigods that were left behind to guard over humanity have been using them as fodder for an endless civil war between themselves, and the humans just go on dutifully slaughtering each other, battle after battle. It’s not all bad, though. Perry McGown makes his living off those bloody, stinking battlefields. He works on a crew that reclaims all the spent shell casings. But if anyone found out that he was a deserter from the war, he’d be executed for heresy.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Why does the author make it so hard to like the main character
- By Teressa Vanda on 10-02-19
By: D. J. Molles
What listeners say about The Santa Squad
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- Graham Bradley
- 12-16-21
Good demented fun
A little bit cheesy, but sticks to its concept well and has fun doing it.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Dee Dee
- 05-15-20
Wasn’t what I expected, in a good way.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect from a Santa story that was already set up to be so different. I suppose I thought it would be funny like Elf, rather than funny like that episode of American Dad where they battle Santa (if you know, you know...if not, sorry for the obscure reference). Anyway, once I got used to the narration, I became completely immersed in the story and absolutely loved it. I read it in the summer while mowing the lawn and prepping my garden, yet still felt the magic of the Christmas season and enjoyed the unexpected darker humor. Definitely worth the read. I highly recommend The Santa Squad for a short, fun read any time of year.
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