The Quiet Damage

QAnon and the Destruction of the American Family

By: Jesselyn Cook

Narrated by: Jesselyn Cook

The “gripping” (The Atlantic) story of five families shattered by pernicious, pervasive conspiracy theories, and how we might set ourselves free from a crisis that could haunt American life for generations.

“Excellent . . . This is the intimate side of the cold civil war America has been stuck in for nearly a decade.”—Michelle Goldberg, The New York Times

“SHED MY DNA”: three excruciating words uttered by a QAnon-obsessed mother, once a highly respected lawyer, to her only son, once the closest person in her life. QAnon beliefs and adjacent conspiracy theories have had devastating political consequences as they’ve exploded in popularity. What’s often overlooked is the lasting havoc they wreak on our society at its most basic and intimate level—the family.

In The Quiet Damage, celebrated reporter Jesselyn Cook paints a harrowing portrait of the vulnerabilities that have left so many of us susceptible to outrageous falsehoods promising order, purpose, and control. Braided throughout are the stories of five American families: an elderly couple whose fifty-year romance takes a heartbreaking turn; millennial sisters of color who grew up in dire poverty—one to become a BLM activist, the other, a hardcore conspiracy theorist pulling her little boy down the rabbit hole with her; a Bay Area hippie-type and her business-executive fiancé, who must decide whether to stay with her as she turns into a stranger before his eyes; evangelical parents whose simple life in a sleepy suburb spirals into delusion-fueled chaos; and a rural mother-son duo who, after carrying each other through unspeakable tragedy, stop speaking at all as ludicrous untruths shatter a bond long thought unbreakable.

Charting the arc of each believer’s path from their first intersection with conspiracy theories to the depths of their cultish conviction, to—in some cases—their rejection of disinformation and the mending of fractured relationships, Cook offers a rare, intimate look into the psychology of how and why ordinary people come to believe the unbelievable. Profound, brilliantly researched, and beautifully written, The Quiet Damage lays bare how we have been taken hostage by grifters peddling lies built on false hope—and how we might release our loved ones, and ourselves, from their grasp.

©2024 Jesselyn Cook (P)2024 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“Where the book shines is in creating empathy for a group of people frequently dismissed or misunderstood, and for their grieving and divided families . . . By delving into the ways people become susceptible to QAnon, Cook uncovers a deeper truth: Many of us go through life with a gaping hole caused by trauma, isolation or shame, and we find healthy and unhealthy ways to fill it. For people like Doris and Kendra, QAnon’s message, however insane it sounds (and is), makes them feel valued and valuable.”—The New York Times

“Each is tragic and heartbreaking in its own way. All feel highly pertinent to the political realities of the moment, where great masses of people share beliefs that are demonstrably untrue.”—The Bulwark

“Cook illuminates vividly the experience of loving someone in crisis—a crisis you can’t fully understand and definitely didn’t anticipate—and the impossible question of how long to stand by them. . . . The stories are gripping not just because QAnon is so bewilderingly strange but also because the idea of a person you love disappearing before your eyes is so terrible—and perhaps for many readers, relatable. . . . [T]he book feels briefly hopeful. With patience and empathy, it seems to suggest, you can reach someone who once felt very, very far away.”—The Atlantic

Great storytelling

Really loved the stories presented. Reminded me of people I know who fell down the “rabbit hole.”

Things I have heard my sister say.

A way to talk with her without insulting her. I think my best friend might believe these things as well.

One side only

Disgusted and sad in how this book vilifies and denigrates one side of the political isle while failing to look in the mirror. The left is just as wound up in media driven brainwashing as the right may be in alternative media. Take 5 MSNBC watchers or 5 believers of The View and apply the same scrutiny and write a volume on the cult of the left. This book contributes to the division of Americans and does nothing but widen the gap. If you’re looking to reinforce your leftist viewpoint, here is your next read. If you’re looking for balance or non-bias views, keep looking.

Honesty hopeful

Very helpful have family member trying to tell me about conspiracy. Chasing their parents about the deep state. Now I know not to argue

Honest look at the damage conspiracy theories wreck on society.

Really good listen and gave me a lot of insight in some things going on right now.

The Stories

Compassionate, nuanced stories of people’s lives gripped by disinformation. Useful insight. The author seems ethical and accountable in telling other people’s stories.

Great book. All too relatable.

Some great work here. Essential reading for anyone who’s lost a family member to such nonsense.

Hit close to home

My brother and I agree there was no world where we wouldn’t grow up in a cult. With my mother at the helm the only question was which one.
Her decent into Qanon was as predictable as it was tragic, and the straw that broke the camel’s back. We are both estranged from her now. My estrangement is slightly softer than my brothers but it’s a terrible loss either way. Reading this gave me insight and simplified my view of her motivations. It made me sad, and helped lead me to a place of compassion. I don’t think we will ever have a story of restoration or reconciliation, but thankfully love does not require either to exist.

Compassionate and Challenging

Thank you for sharing real people's experiences. No one was all good/bad or hero/ villain

I felt seen and heard

She captured fully the myriad of emotions and impacts of losing a loved one to conspiracy theory. My heartbreak is intensified as I realize how many of my efforts to save mine increased his suspicion of me and pushed him further into the web of lies.