The Likeability Trap

How to Break Free and Succeed as You Are

By: Alicia Menendez

Narrated by: Alicia Menendez

Be nice, but not too nice. Be successful, but not too successful. Just be likeable. Whatever that means?

Women are stuck in an impossible bind. At work, strong women are criticized for being cold, and warm women are seen as pushovers. An award-winning journalist examines this fundamental paradox and empowers listeners to let go of old rules and reimagine leadership rather than reinventing themselves.

Consider that even competent women must appear likeable to successfully negotiate a salary, ask for a promotion, or take credit for a job well done - and that studies show these actions usually make them less likeable. And this minefield is doubly loaded when likeability intersects with race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and parental status.

Relying on extensive research and interviews, and carefully examined personal experience, The Likeability Trap delivers an essential examination of the pressure put on women to be amiable at work, home, and in the public sphere, and explores the price women pay for internalizing those demands. Rather than advising listeners to make themselves likeable, Menendez empowers them to examine how they perceive themselves and others and explores how the concept of likeability is riddled with cultural biases. Our demands for likeability, she argues, hinder everyone’s progress and power.

Inspiring, thoughtful, and often funny, The Likeability Trap proposes surprising, practical solutions for confronting the cultural patterns holding us back, encourages us to value unique talents and styles instead of muting them, and to remember that while likeability is part of the game, it will not break you.

©2019 Alicia Menendez (P)2019 HarperAudio

Much appreciated

Alicia Menendez is totally relatable to me. I enjoyed her voice and humor immensely. The subject of the book is something I have struggled with forever and am happy and educated about it from another and the same perspective, if that makes sense, lol. So to say I am very appreciative of the skills of Alicia is an understatement. I am looking forward to following her on her new gig on MSNBC. Kudos,

Get another voice actor

Not the best reading. Story is somewhat shallow. The reading feels like it lacks performance. Overall feels very flat.

Great listening and learning

Alicia Menendez shares the tales and troubles faced by her and other modern women in the workforce. As a straught white male, I found it incredibly interesting (and depressing) to hear the horror stories, but it's important for men to hear and learn from books like and that we appreciate how hard it has been for women from day one through today. We can all learn valuable lessons from this book. Thanks for this terrific book, Alicia!

Worthy reading

Some might think that this is a book that woman should read. While that is true I think many men should read this as well. Especially us white men of privilege as we are often those that create, set, and sustain the trap itself. The timing of this is perfect.

Informative and good advice

I just wish Chapter 10 - which had advice about how to change organizations and yourself - was longer and more fleshed out, and the rest of the book (which identified the problems in painstaking detail) could have been shorter.

A must read for men (& women)

Alicia has very aptly highlighted one of the key issues facing women today both professionally and generally in many societies. This book is succinct, serious yet balanced with the right amount of optimism, and as white male listening to it, I found the subject completely relevant and helpful.

Ask the question Compared to Who?

It's a collection of stories of discrimination against women, both overt and subtle. I suggest starting with Chapter 10, actions that can be taken by organizations and individuals to reduce discrimination. It helps reveal the bias we all have against women because of expectations that women be helpful and supportive (not driven and successful). A good advice from the book is instead of saying "the person is not a good fit" (which really means the person is not like me), focus on the results that she had achieved and the value she can bring to the organization/job/project. And for anyone (not just women) who had received subjective criticism like "too demanding" or "too emotional," ask the questions "compared to who" and "how has that impacted my results?" Too often, a behavior is given a pejorative label like "aggressive" for a woman, while that exact same behavior is admired in men and labeled "ambitious" and "determined."

Our authenticate selves could make powerful changes for every one!

Honest reality of the workplace for women. It's time we start discussing these issues in every company!

incredibly eye-opening

Alicia captures the complexity of success for women and balancing Likeability with perceived competency perfectly. I found this extremely eye-opening and I learned a lot. I recommend of everyone to read.

Must read for all.

This isn’t just for the professional women. Book was brought to my attention from my works book club. So grateful to have read this book!