The Alien Fast-Food War
Visions of Jupiter, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Mike Carnes
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By:
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Tilly Jupiter
About this listen
When remote-controlled aircraft begin behaving erratically, even crashing, there is only one logical explanation - well, there are only two: aliens or your own government. The real shock is finding the signals are coming from people who've eaten at fast food restaurants. Of course, we've known all along the stuff is unhealthy. But this?
Excerpt:
The aliens started small, buying up a few eateries in malls and some coffee shops. And then they expanded, just as the Asians had before them - but neither education nor commerce was the goal this time. They wanted knowledge, but not the kind that came from schools. “We knew your history, but didn’t know shit about what makes you humans tick,” was what Bernie said.
It didn't take long for them to recognize that we had no idea what made us tick either, so they set out to blaze new trails in understanding people-kind.
Fast food places provided them with two significant tools for this task: First, humans went there in droves. "You can't beat them away with a stick," was how Bernie put it. Once they were there, they could be observed in their natural habitat, as it were. This nicely brought the subjects needed for the aliens’ field studies right to them. Secondly, we ingested, rather indiscriminately a variety of substances passing for food. The aliens developed their protein-based nanosensors and fed them to us. Who knew? The damn things moved into our bloodstreams, analyzing as they went.
“We wanted to get to the heart of the matter,” was the way Doreen put it; I think she was unaware of the implied pun, so we forgave her.
Hungry for data, they continued buying up fast food places, served nanosensors, and observed us. We ate the food and the sensors, which transmitted back to data collectors that did some elementary preprocessing and relayed compressed data to, as I’ve said, Omaha.
Now, I doubt anyone would have objected to this somewhat symbiotic turn of events....
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Story
Want to know more about history and politics? Then you should probably go and listen to a proper audiobook. Fancy a laugh at some smutty jokes? Then go and read Viz. But if you fancy a combination of the two, this is the audiobook for you. In Off the Record, bitter and twisted leftie news reporter Jonathan Pie picks 10 of the world's worst wankers and tears them apart. Here you'll find the answers to some difficult questions. With extra swearing.
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Jonathan Pie rocks!
- By vtindiegrrl on 08-05-24
By: Jonathan Pie, and others
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Rick Mercer Final Report
- By: Rick Mercer
- Narrated by: Rick Mercer
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Rick Mercer can always be relied on to provoke a strong reaction - but what he said one fall day in 2017 truly shocked Canada. In a rant posted on social media, the great Canadian satirist announced loud and clear that the 15th season of the Rick Mercer Report - the nation's best-watched and best-loved comedy show - would be the last. This volume brings together never-before-published rants from the last five seasons of the show, plus a selection of the very best rants from earlier years.
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Mercer Hits It Out Of The Ballpark
- By Wade Lancaster on 11-11-19
By: Rick Mercer
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God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy
- By: Mike Huckabee
- Narrated by: Mike Huckabee
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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In Mike Huckabee's new book God, Guns, Grits and Gravy, he asks the question, "Have I been taken to a different planet than the one on which I grew up?" The New York Times best-selling author explores today's American culture, drawing from his travels as a presidential candidate to present average, small-town people and families, and their optimistic resilience in the face of hard times.
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Review
- By Dorothy Ella on 02-13-15
By: Mike Huckabee
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Adapt
- Why Success Always Starts with Failure
- By: Tim Harford
- Narrated by: Jonathan Keeble
- Length: 9 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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In this groundbreaking work, Tim Harford shows us a new and inspiring approach to solving the most pressing problems in our lives. Harford argues that today’s challenges simply cannot be tackled with ready-made solutions and expert opinions; the world has become far too unpredictable and profoundly complex. Instead, we must adapt. Deftly weaving together psychology, evolutionary biology, anthropology, physics, and economics, along with compelling stories of hard-won lessons learned in the field, Harford makes a passionate case for the importance of adaptive trial-and-error....
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Hidden Agenda
- By Lawrence on 05-20-13
By: Tim Harford
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Willful Blindness
- Why We Ignore the Obvious at Our Peril
- By: Margaret Heffernan
- Narrated by: Margaret Heffernan
- Length: 11 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Margaret Heffernan argues that the biggest threats and dangers we face are the ones we don't see - not because they're secret or invisible, but because we're willfully blind. A distinguished businesswoman and writer, she examines the phenomenon and traces its imprint in our private and working lives, and within governments and organizations, and asks: What makes us prefer ignorance? What are we so afraid of? Why do some people see more than others? And how can we change?
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How Not to Be the Blind Leading the Blind
- By Cynthia on 06-29-13
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The Starfish and the Spider
- The Unstoppable Power of Leaderless Organizations
- By: Ori Brafman, Rod Beckstrom
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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If you cut off a spider's leg, it's crippled; if you cut off its head, it dies. But if you cut off a starfish's leg it grows a new one, and the old leg can grow into an entirely new starfish. The Starfish and the Spider argues that organizations fall into two categories: "spiders", which have a rigid hierarchy, and "starfish", which rely on the power of peer relationships.
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Centralized and decentralized models
- By Chan Meng on 12-07-07
By: Ori Brafman, and others
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The Atomic Bazaar
- The Rise of the Nuclear Poor
- By: William Langewiesche
- Narrated by: Tom Weiner
- Length: 5 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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In his shocking and revelatory new work, celebrated journalist William Langewiesche investigates the burgeoning threat of nuclear-weapons production and the inexorable drift of nuclear-weapons technology from the hands of the rich into the hands of the poor. As more unstable and undeveloped nations acquire the ultimate arms, the stakes of state-sponsored nuclear activity have soared to frightening heights. Even more disturbing is the likelihood of such weapons being used by guerrilla non-state terrorists.
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A Review
- By Mitch Emswiller on 05-31-08
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Now I Know
- The Revealing Stories Behind the World's Most Interesting Facts
- By: Dan Lewis
- Narrated by: Jeremy Arthur
- Length: 6 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Did you know that there are actually 27 letters in the alphabet, or that the U.S. had a plan to invade Canada? And what actually happened to the flags left on the moon? Even if you think you have a handle on all things trivia, you're guaranteed a big surprise with Now I Know. From uncovering what happens to lost luggage to New York City's plan to crack down on crime by banning pinball, this book will challenge your knowledge of the fascinating stories behind the world's greatest facts.
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Scientifically inaccurate
- By Sara on 12-04-20
By: Dan Lewis
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Somebody's Gotta Say It
- By: Neal Boortz
- Narrated by: Neal Boortz
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
- Abridged
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With its outrageous brand of conservative talk, The Neal Boortz Show has been one of talk radio's hottest commodities for more than 25 years. Boortz entertains his rabid followers with commentary on everything from corruption in Washington to the troops overseas. Now, with Somebody's Gotta Say It, Neal gives us his greatest jeremiad yet: a hilarious but serious-as-taxes screed covering all the issues that get Neal and his millions of listeners hot under the collar on a daily basis.
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For the Logical not the Emotional.
- By Jon on 03-16-07
By: Neal Boortz
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Buy-In
- Saving Your Good Idea from Getting Shot Down
- By: John P. Kotter, Lorne A. Whitehead
- Narrated by: Tim Wheeler
- Length: 4 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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You believe in a good idea. You know it could make a crucial difference for you, your organization, your community. You present it, hoping for enthusiastic support. Instead, you get confounding questions, inane comments, and verbal bullets. Before you know what’s hit you, your idea is dead, shot down. It doesn’t have to be this way, say John Kotter and Lorne Whitehead. In Buy-In, they reveal how to protect good ideas and win the support needed to deliver valuable results.
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Practical Application
- By Kellie on 05-13-11
By: John P. Kotter, and others
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The Rationing
- A Novel
- By: Charles Wheelan
- Narrated by: Josh Hurley
- Length: 16 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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America is in trouble - at the mercy of a puzzling pathogen. That ordinarily wouldn’t lead to catastrophe, thanks to modern medicine, but there’s just one problem: the government supply of Dormigen, the silver bullet of pharmaceuticals, has been depleted just as demand begins to spike. Set in the near future, The Rationing centers around a White House struggling to quell the crisis - and control the narrative.
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For A While I Thought It Wasn’t Fiction
- By Brian on 10-12-19
By: Charles Wheelan
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The Gatekeepers
- Inside Israel’s Internal Security Agency
- By: Dror Moreh
- Narrated by: Paul Boehmer
- Length: 18 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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The companion to the Oscar-nominated documentary, an unparalleled look inside Israel's security establishment. Imagine the following situation: You have just received a tip that six suicide bombers are making their way into the heart of Israel's major cities, each one to a different city, to set off explosions in the most crowded centers of population. How far would you go to stop the attacks?
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Excellent Narrator
- By jameson ritter on 02-10-17
By: Dror Moreh