Sexy Santa

By: Kathryn C Kelly

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

Dear Santa,

This has been the year from hell. During these times, I need a pick-me-up, and I could think of no one better than you to send my short wish list. I was once a child, so that makes me your former client. In theory, at least. Back then, I had no worries. Mother and Father would send you my letter and you’d make everything better. It didn’t matter if times were tough or times were hard. We always got at least a fucking gift card.
Then, I discovered the truth.
When I asked why Santa no longer visited after I turned ten, Father said it was because he refused to pay the bounty you requested for each toy that you left under the tree. Months later, it relieved me to discover that you aren’t real at all, motherfucker. Mother spanked me for the first time ever when I said anyone who believes in Santa should suck it. Father was extremely disappointed in me. I had to read an 1897 editorial so many times that I searched for a diversion from my boredom. Still, Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, tore open a tiny bit of hope that perhaps he wasn’t just a figment of myth. When I married and had kids of my own, I once again saw the world through the eyes of a child.
With this being the year that it is, it shouldn’t surprise anyone to discover that my husband left us. Professor Prinkler turned into the dickhead who couldn’t keep his cock in his pants. He ran off with one of his law students! I was determined not to allow his fuckery to ruin my children’s holidays and have managed to get each of them almost everything on their lists. My letter to you isn’t for them.
Oh, no.
I’m writing to you to request a gift of my own. Alvin left us, as a whole, near penniless, and me, as his wife, dickless. I am in bad need of a good fuck. A long, intense ‘o’. If you truly exist, I am requesting that you leave me the fattest, longest dildo that has ever been created. It can be smooth, or it can have grooves. It can have an easily discernible cockhead, or it can be an undistinguished cylinder of silicon. It can be shaped from your Pringle Prick or it can be a mold of Man Meat.
It can even be a vibrator. If you decide to upgrade me, please leave me a year’s supply of batteries.

Love, Erica
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Pete Claus is the naughty son of Santa Claus. He's determined to make his own mark on the world, even if that means wildly deviating from the path his father has set for him. When Pete's father presents him with an opportunity to be free to do as he pleases, he's sent on a mission to help Chilly Waters, a woman who wants to give her little brother a special Christmas despite all their troubles. His time with this tragic yet beautiful woman makes Pete discover the true meaning of the holiday season and finally gives him a place that feels like home.