Sex Changes

A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On

By: Christine Benvenuto

Narrated by: Renée Raudman

What do you do when the other woman is your husband?

Christine Benvenuto had been married for more than twenty years - with three young children - when her husband turned to her one night in bed and said, "I'm thinking constantly about my gender." Unhappy in his body, he wanted to become a woman.

Part memoir, part voyeur's look into a marriage, Sex Changes is a journey through the end of a marriage and out the other side. We see a mother, desperate to save her family and shelter her children, discover a well of strength and resilience she never knew she had. We learn what to tell the neighbors when your husband starts wearing heels with his shirts and ties. We see a woman open herself up to a group of friends who travel with her through her darkest times, offering light, levity, and the opportunity to learn how to give as well as receive the love and support of true friendship. As she loses her husband to skirts and hormones, life makes Chris a better woman.

Sex Changes is the story of what one woman discovered about herself in the midst of the conflagration of her family. Fiercely funny, self-lacerating, and not entirely politically correct, this book is a journey of love and anguish told with hilarity, heartbreak, and a lot of soul searching. It is about the mysteries in every marriage, the secrets we chose to keep, and the freedom that the truth can bring.

Christine Benvenuto is the author of Shiksa, as well as fiction, essays, and reviews that have appeared in many publications, including the Village Voice, the San Francisco Chronicle, Tikkun, and Moment. She lives in western Massachusetts with her children.

©2012 Christine Benvenuto (P)2012 Blackstone

Critic reviews

"Exhaustive and provocative." ( Publishers Weekly on Shiksa)

"Compelling."( Booklist on Shiksa)

not a great one

Not a great book to listen! It could have been narrated well! Audible can do better!

A fantastic insight on the author internal world

I don't know if I can say I "enjoyed" this book per say as the experiences described are honestly harrowing and cut close to the quick of my own experiences and fears. Though slightly meandering at times, I entered this experience which that expectation, and appreciate the authors rumination of her marriage and the events that led to it's collapse. I'm also equally bemused and slightly infuriated at other reviews who bitterly miss the point of the book and attack the author. I also quite enjoyed the voice actors preformance and appreciated her ability to covey tone, though it would have been nice to have the author read her own story. Overall a slightly indulgent yet emotionally impactful meditation, 4.5 out of 5

good story with flat un-relatable characters

I found this book to be a huge downslide. There is very little humor, very little insight, very little irony, no description, no backstories. Just the facts.

Add to that the strange voice of Rene Raudman who sounds like she is wearing braces and you get a very flat, if not depressing, story.

I couldn't read this without trying to get some distance from the shabby characters and their pathetic attempts at dealing with this crisis. Underscored by Raudman's monotonous delivery.

This experience could have been saved by at least a more ironic reading. Raudman ruined a story that had great potential.

Something Doesn't Quite Work, Not Exactly Sure Why

I listened to this story twice, since I'm genuinely interested in this subject.

I don't expect the author Christine to be any other person than herself. She did tell her story honestly and the way she wanted to tell it. I'm fine with that.

What did NOT work for me was the narrator, Renee. NO doubt, she has an excellent voice and is a gifted narrator---just NOT for THIS story. My gut tells me that Christine should have narrated her OWN story. That might have communicated something important.

As it stands now, there's a lot of subtance here, and a truly interesting story, but it just sort of fizzles and fades.

Starts off with bitterness, but hang in there!

This is a memoir, ONE woman's perspective on her husband's transition to female. Thus, many strong emotions will definitely play a role. In the early chapters, the author seems exasperated, frustrated, bitter, and hostile. But of course these are the emotions she was feeling as she was living through all of this. It's perfectly natural that her writing about that time would be deeply emotional and even bitter. It also seems like her transgendered ex has larger mental health issues on the basis of his actions and poor decision-making skills.

I must admit, I almost stopped listening to this book (I DON'T do that as a rule) because her attitude started to annoy me, and I was worried the narrative was possibly headed in an anti-trans direction. But I hung in there, and I'm glad I did.This is certainly NOT an anti-trans narrative! It is just providing a point of view that is underrepresented in the conversation surrounding transsexuality: that of the spouse and children that sometimes get left behind. It's an accurate memoir of grief for the loss of a spouse, a father, and a family's collective vision of their future together.

Big Disappointment

I'm fascinated with these stories because I'm interested in what drives men with viable marriages and young children to throw it all away for the chimera of "living as a woman."

The problem with this book (which I didn't finish after getting halfway through) is a lack of chronological organization -- telling a story, without constant diversions, and a lack of concrete detail. There's way too much abstraction. It's like the whole story is covered with a gauzy scrim.

Benvenuto should have thrown all the New-Agey emoting out and focused on telling us the story with concrete details: When did her husband's obsession begin? When did she notice? What were their interactions like (details please, like dialogue) after his declaration that he was in the wrong body? And so on...

There will be more books like this coming down the pike and I hope the authors will study this book as an example of how not to do it.

Portrait of a woman with a profound lack of empath

Would you try another book from Christine Benvenuto and/or Renée Raudman?

Never

Have you listened to any of Renée Raudman’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

The performance was alright, certainly not the worst party of the book.

Any additional comments?

The author seeks to go out of her way to vilify Trans people, and it was quite hurtful to listen to. I tried hard to give her the benefit of the doubt and be understanding of her situation, but this book paints the portrait of a horrible self centered woman with a profound lack of empathy too caught up in her own suffering to consider what others around her are going through.

She spends the entire book criticising Tracey for making what is in many cases a life or death choice without the smallest respect of even using her preferred pronouns, then ends the book talking about how much she likes sex with her new man. I'm sincerely glad the author feels like she grew through all this, but the the author's selfishness is just disgusting.

Maybe I'll calm down after a few days, but this was the worst trite I've ever wasted my time listening to.

Enjoyed and appreciated.

Real life! Thought provoking, helpful and insightful. This book really helped me with a perspective that I needed this time in my life.

Enter the "The Valley of the Politically Correct"

I'd hoped to gain some insight from the point of view of a ciswoman whose husband had transitioned. What I was subjected to was a prolonged narrative of a whining Jewish girl's version of the death of her marriage. I only mention her faith because the author seems to batter the reader with her faith. I suffered through the entire book hoping to find some redeeming content. I was sadly disappointed. IF her spouse's actions were even half as toxic as she relates, All I can say is I'm very glad I have never met either of them on a personal level. But the book just felt like her own way of venting her own toxic anti-trans rant into the atmosphere.