Lies My Mother Told Me
The World According to Joan
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Lies My Mother Told Me
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Narrated by:
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Melissa Rivers
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By:
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Melissa Rivers
About this listen
If you think Joan Rivers said funny, outrageous, and ridiculous things onstage, wait 'til you hear the funny, outrageous, and ridiculous things she said offstage...things that will make you laugh out loud...and keep Melissa in therapy for the foreseeable future. The only thing my mother loved more than making people laugh was lying...or as she'd say, "embellishing." Her motto was: "Why let the truth ruin a good story?" This book contains some of those stories.
©2022 Melissa Rivers (P)2022 Recorded BooksListeners also enjoyed...
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Story4 out of 5 stars 40
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
-
I Can Barely Take Care of Myself
- Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids
- By: Jen Kirkman
- Narrated by: Jen Kirkman
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 539
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 488
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 489
"You'll change your mind." That's what everyone says to Jen Kirkman - and countless women like her - when she confesses she doesn't plan to have children. But you know what? It's hard enough to be an adult. You have to dress yourself and pay bills and remember to buy birthday gifts. You have to drive and get annual physicals and tip for good service. Some adults take on the added burden of caring for a tiny human being with no language skills or bladder control.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
Funny. Not fall down laughing funny, but funny
- By david on 05-22-13
By: Jen Kirkman
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If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother
- By: Julia Sweeney
- Narrated by: Julia Sweeney
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 196
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 176
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Story4 out of 5 stars 175
Since her time on Saturday Night Live, where she created the infamous androgynous character "Pat", Julia Sweeney has gone on to establish herself as a witty, captivating performer of one-woman shows, like God Said Ha!, In the Family Way, and Letting Go of God. She gave a TED talk sharing how she explained the birds and the bees to her eight-year-old daughter, Mulan, which ignited an incredible response. Now, when it comes to talking about motherhood, people want to hear what Julia has to say.
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4 out of 5 stars
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I Love Julia Sweeney
- By Lisa on 04-05-13
By: Julia Sweeney
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Hardly Knew Her
- By: Laura Lippman
- Narrated by: Linda Emond, Francois Battiste
- Length: 9 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 110
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 65
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Story4 out of 5 stars 66
Each of these ingenious tales is a gem, sometimes poignant, sometimes humorous, always filled with delightfully unanticipated twists and reversals. For people who have yet to listen to Lippman, get ready to experience the spellbinding power of "one of today's most pleasing storytellers" ( San Diego Union-Tribune). As for longtime devotees of her multiple award-winning novels, you'll discover that you hardly know her.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
I Love Laura Lippman
- By Joy on 07-15-11
By: Laura Lippman
-
Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?
- Confessions of a Gay Dad
- By: Dan Bucatinsky
- Narrated by: Dan Bucatinsky
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 868
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 797
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 796
In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
By: Dan Bucatinsky
-
The Unspeakable
- And Other Subjects of Discussion
- By: Meghan Daum
- Narrated by: Meghan Daum
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 120
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 102
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 102
It's a report tempered by hard times. In "Matricide", Daum unflinchingly describes a parent's death and the uncomfortable emotions it provokes; and in "Diary of a Coma" she relates her own journey to the twilight of the mind. But Daum also operates in a comic register. With perfect precision, she reveals the absurdities of the marriage-industrial complex, of the New Age dating market, and of the peculiar habits of the young and digital.
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2 out of 5 stars
-
Complaining about her dead mom.
- By Erik Hermansen on 11-23-14
By: Meghan Daum
-
Dirty Daddy
- The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian
- By: Bob Saget
- Narrated by: Bob Saget
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 536
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 479
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 478
Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
Meh to the 2nd Power
- By Hilary on 06-30-14
By: Bob Saget
-
Hey Mom
- By: Louie Anderson
- Narrated by: Louie Anderson
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 441
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 402
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 400
Louie Anderson has been channeling his beloved mom in his iconic stand-up comedy for decades - but she passed away before getting to see him reach new heights with his breakout role. Hey Mom is Louie's way of catching Ora Zella Anderson up on everything that has been going on in his life, including his continued struggles with food and family, but also how so much has changed for the better. He also has plenty of laugh-out-loud stories about his incredibly resilient mother and his 10 siblings, as well as observations on the absurdities of life.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
I love Louie even more now
- By Candace on 05-02-18
By: Louie Anderson
-
The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 46
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 35
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 34
Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
-
Wildflower
- By: Drew Barrymore
- Narrated by: Drew Barrymore
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 5,701
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 5,102
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 5,072
Wildflower is a portrait of Drew's life in stories as she looks back on the adventures, challenges, and incredible experiences of her earlier years. It includes tales of living on her own at 14 (and how laundry may have saved her life), getting stuck in a gas station overhang on a cross-country road trip, saying good-bye to her father in a way only he could have understood, and many more adventures and lessons that have led her to the successful, happy, and healthy place she is today.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Hold the shrieking !
- By Dawne on 11-27-15
By: Drew Barrymore
-
There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 577
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 362
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 357
What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
-
People I Want to Punch in the Throat
- Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges
- By: Jen Mann
- Narrated by: Jen Mann
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 98
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 86
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 87
Jen Mann doesn't have a filter, which sometimes gets her in trouble with her neighbors, fellow PTA moms, and that one woman who tried to sell her sex toys at a home shopping party. Known for her hilariously acerbic observations on her blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Mann now brings her sharp wit to bear on suburban life, marriage, and motherhood in this laugh-out-loud collection of essays. From the politics of joining a play group, to the thrill of moms' night out at the gun range, to the rewards of your most meaningful relationship, nothing's sacred or off-limits.
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
Boring, not funny, and kind of mean
- By Jess on 11-22-19
By: Jen Mann
-
The Southern Education of a Jersey Girl
- Adventures in Life and Love in the Heart of Dixie
- By: Jaime Primak Sullivan
- Narrated by: Jaime Primak Sullivan
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 337
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 305
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 302
Jaime Primak Sullivan, a Jersey-bred, tough-as-nails PR maven - and unlikely transplant in an upscale suburb of Birmingham, Alabama - has spent her entire life crossing the line: whether she's pushing the boundaries of what proper Southern ladies consider to be "polite behavior" or literally traversing the Mason-Dixon line in the name of love. She isn't afraid to say what everyone is thinking when it comes to love, sex, friendship, and many other topics that are all too often sugar-coated in polite Southern company.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Awesome book
- By Gwendolyn on 09-23-16
-
Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 365
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 325
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 322
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
-
I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 463
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 404
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 402
Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
-
1 out of 5 stars
-
Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
-
A Fine Romance
- By: Candice Bergen
- Narrated by: Candice Bergen
- Length: 14 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 558
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 483
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 486
A Fine Romance begins with Bergen's charming first husband, French director Louis Malle, whose huge appetite for life broadened her horizons and whose occasional darkness never diminished their love for each other. But her real romance begins when she discovers overpowering love for her daughter after years of ambivalence about motherhood.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
up the speed to 1.5 and Candace sounds way better
- By Susan M. Mitchell on 06-03-15
By: Candice Bergen
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Hollywood Hellraisers
- The Wild Lives and Fast Times of Marlon Brando, Dennis Hopper, Warren Beatty, and Jack Nicholson
- By: Robert Sellers
- Narrated by: Jim Frangione
- Length: 14 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 585
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 499
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 496
In his follow-up to the acclaimed Hellraisers, Sellers traces the intertwining lives and careers of four outrageous Hollywood movie mavericks. They’re the baddest bad-asses Hollywood as ever seen: Marlon Brando, Dennis Hopper, Warren Beatty, and Jack Nicholson. They are men to whom rules did not apply; normal standards of behavior were simply too wearisome to worry about.
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2 out of 5 stars
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not much of interest
- By Amazon Customer on 02-15-21
By: Robert Sellers
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Brutally Honest
- Mel B’s tell-all memoir
- By: Melanie Brown, Louise Gannon
- Narrated by: Melanie Brown, Phoenix Chi Gulzar Brown, Andrea Brown, and others
- Length: 11 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 773
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 708
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 706
As one-fifth of the iconic Spice Girls and judge on X Factor and America's Got Talent, Melanie Brown, aka Scary Spice, has been an international star since the age of 19. And yet there are sides of Mel that no one has ever seen, or really known. Brutally Honest is an exposé of the struggles and acute pain that lay behind the glamour and success. With deep personal insight, remarkable frankness and Melanie’s trademark Yorkshire humour, this audiobook removes the mask of fame and reveals the mother, wife and daughter behind the Spice Girl everyone thinks they know.
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5 out of 5 stars
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I'm touched
- By Faith on 11-29-18
By: Melanie Brown, and others
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I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me
- By: Joan Rivers
- Narrated by: Joan Rivers
- Length: 4 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 454
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 392
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Story4 out of 5 stars 390
Joan Rivers is a groundbreaking, award-winning, internationally renowned entertainment goddess. She’s also opinionated - especially when it comes to people she hates. Like people who think giving birth is a unique achievement. Or well-adjusted - a.k.a. boring - ex-child stars who don’t even have a decent addiction. With all of her diverse experiences, it stands to reason that Joan has seen, done, said, and heard a lot of hateful things. Thank god, she took notes.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Totally Honest and Brave
- By Kindle Customer on 06-20-12
By: Joan Rivers
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Church of Lies
- By: Flora Jessop, Paul T. Brown
- Narrated by: Eve Bianco
- Length: 10 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 349
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 314
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Story5 out of 5 stars 313
"I was one of 28 children born to my dad and his three wives. Indoctrinated to believe that the outside world was evil, and that I resided among the righteous, I was destined to marry a man chosen for me by the Prophet. I would then live in harmony with my sister-wives, bear many children, and obey and serve my future husband in this life and throughout eternity. But my innocence didn't last long." Flora goes on from there to tell the dramatic true story of how she ultimately escaped and has been rescuing women and children from the FLDS.
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5 out of 5 stars
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So sad!
- By Granny of 9 on 08-02-20
By: Flora Jessop, and others
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Confessions of a Prairie Bitch
- How I Survived Nellie Oleson and Learned to Love Being Hated
- By: Alison Arngrim
- Narrated by: Alison Arngrim
- Length: 9 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,576
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,430
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Story5 out of 5 stars 1,427
Confessions of a Prairie Bitch is Alison Arngrim's comic memoir of growing up as one of television's most memorable characters - the devious Nellie Oleson on the hit television show Little House on the Prairie. With behind-the-scenes stories from the set, as well as tales from her bohemian upbringing in West Hollywood and her headline-making advocacy work on behalf of HIV awareness and abused children, Confessions of a Prairie Bitch is a must for fans of everything Little House.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Do yourself a favor .....GET THIS AUDIO BOOK!!!!!
- By AnnShamrock on 11-07-17
By: Alison Arngrim
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Behind the Candelabra
- My Life with Liberace
- By: Alex Thorleifson, Scott Thorson
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 309
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 276
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Story4 out of 5 stars 278
In this unusually frank book Scott Thorson, Liberace's longtime lover, tells all: the good, the bad, and the ugly truths about the legendary entertainer who went to outrageous extremes to prevent public knowledge of his homosexuality. Liberace's unhappy childhood, dominated by a mother determined to force him into a concert career, serves as the prologue for a story that goes on to detail Liberace's early appearances in honky-tonks, his move to New York to seek fame, and, finally, his first booking in Las Vegas, where he was courted by the Mafia.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Viciously honest, candid, sad, fascintating!
- By Jeffrey on 05-26-13
By: Alex Thorleifson, and others
What listeners say about Lies My Mother Told Me
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Dr Joseph Borreggine
- 12-06-22
Why would she lie?
An interesting look into the life of Joan Rivers through her daughter’s eyes. A book full of tall tales that were contrived by Joan Rivers to soothe Melissa’s curiosity not only as child growing up with one of the greatest comediennes of our time, but to also entertain not only her daughter, but the reader as well. An excellent fast read full of comedic anecdotal stories about everything according to Joan for all to enjoy!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Rita
- 05-11-22
Loved the book
It made me laugh. I really enjoyed the book. Two thumbs up to Melissa Rivers for writing the book reading it. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I highly recommend it.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Aimee Leon
- 10-25-22
A Must Read..
I loved this audiobook from beginning to the end. Melissa Rivers has done a lovely job in narrating it and a terrific homage to her mother. Joan Rivers was a true comic legend, & is dearly missed.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Sean
- 04-14-22
If your a fan of Joan’s stories then you’ll enjoy the listen.
Written very much in the style of Joan’s “Diary of a Mad Diva” book. Funny listen and Melissa’s story telling can put a joke in Joan fashion for the listener.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Angela Smitherman
- 05-23-23
Hilarious
Loved this book from beginning to end. Melissa is hilarious. Have listened 4x now FUNNY
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- Kristopher's Korner
- 05-22-22
A fun book to make you smile
This is a fun book that makes at least smile if not laugh out laud. I hope Melissa write a memoir some day for real.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- David Ollie
- 07-06-22
Melissa is amazing!
To Melissa, “Was great hearing about your son and you dear mother!” Loved it! I hope to hear more from Melissa in the future.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jeff T Allen
- 11-02-24
Humorous and Heartfelt!
I loved everything about this book. Kudos Melissa! The dynamics of mother and daughter made me reflect upon my own growing up Catholic. Thank you for sharing the laughter and love.
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance3 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- Mal
- 04-16-22
Oh no! Sooooo bad!
This is sad, rushed, full of tired quips.. Trying to copy her mothers sharpe witted humor, the author fails. I’m only 30 minutes in but I find it very tedious. I’ll give it another 30 minutes but if it doesn’t improve I’ll need to return it. The sad attempts at humor are just tedious and the attempts at mimicking her mothers humor fail. All my opinion of course. There’s also an element of sarcasm which is unflattering and tired.
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Julie Lane
- 05-05-22
Melissa has Joan’s sense of humor
Very entertaining and a quick listen. If you loved Joan Rivers sense of humor, you will enjoy this. A nice change of pace from all the political books that consume me.
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