John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life
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John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life
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Narrated by:
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Nicky Calonne
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John Goblikon
About this listen
In a world filled with trolls, we all need to live life more like a goblin. What does it mean to "live life like a goblin"? It means to give no f--ks, but also all the f--ks in the world at the same time. It means to be constantly anxiety-ridden while also eternally optimistic. A goblin's heart, specifically John Goblikon's, is filled with love, joy, angst, constant quandary, Chili's Southwestern egg rolls, metal, and empathy. Through the goblin eyes of being an internet celebrity/insurance salesman/rock-and-roll mascot for the Goblin Metal outfit, Nekrogoblikon, we learn about life, death, business, food, music, travel, culture, dating, school, drinking, compassion, and much more!
John walks listeners through crucial life steps, from becoming internet famous, to getting dates with special someones, to even correct ordering techniques for the perfect meal at Chili's.
Have a problem? John Goblikon assumes he knows how to help you solve it...all in this new, for-sure-to-be-a-New-York-Times-best-seller-and-win-like-100-awards debut: John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life.
©2019 Brandon Dermer and Dave Rispoli (P)2019 HighBridge, a division of Recorded BooksListeners also enjoyed...
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Story5 out of 5 stars 193,686
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
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The Best Man's Ghostwriter
- By: Matthew Starr
- Narrated by: Glen Powell, Nicholas Braun, Ashley Park, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 944
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 913
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 913
A bad best man’s speech can ruin a wedding. Why do we plan every detail of a perfect day and then give the groom’s idiot best friend five minutes of total power? Enter Nate (Glen Powell), a speechwriter-for-hire who helps people write incredible best man speeches. To keep the best man from embarrassing himself (and the newlyweds), Nate uses his list of don’ts: Don’t mention the exes, don’t be rated R, and don’t bum everyone out. Nate’s system never fails. That is, until he meets Dan (Nicholas Braun).
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5 out of 5 stars
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SO GOOD
- By Csutty on 09-23-24
By: Matthew Starr
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Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18,951
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,940
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,915
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
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4 out of 5 stars
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Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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The Great Indoors
- By: Ginny Hogan
- Narrated by: Mae Whitman
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 284
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 277
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Story4 out of 5 stars 277
Alice's journey begins as all good journeys do: hitting on the sales guy at REI. After a tumultuous breakup, a quick career transition, family upheaval, and a sobriety journey that didn't fix her life quite as much as she expected it to, Alice decides that the only way to solve all her problems is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. But as she begins preparing for the months-long quest, she realizes the answers she's seeking might not be on top of a snow-covered mountain. Especially since she just learned there was snow in California.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Chuck full of laughs to lift anyone's spirits.
- By Laura Boogaert on 09-22-24
By: Ginny Hogan
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I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 56,002
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 50,449
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50,193
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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The Perfect Find
- By: Tia Williams
- Narrated by: Wesleigh Siobhan
- Length: 11 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,591
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,467
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,464
Jenna Jones, former It-girl fashion editor, is broke and desperate for a second chance. When she’s dumped by her longtime fiancé and fired from Darling magazine, she begs for a job from her old arch nemesis, Darcy Vale. The beyond-bitchy publisher of StyleZine.com, Darcy agrees to hire her rival - only because her fashion site needs a jolt from Jenna’s old school cred. But Jenna soon realizes she’s in over her head.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A-FREAKING-MAZING!!!
- By Bernadette on 05-30-21
By: Tia Williams
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American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 5,259
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,662
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Story4 out of 5 stars 4,670
Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
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CRAY
- By: Darrell Hammond, Elizabeth Stein
- Narrated by: Darrell Hammond
- Length: 1 hr and 10 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 145
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 142
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 142
He is one of the longest-running cast members on Saturday Night Live, an American comedy genius renowned for his spot-on sendups of politicians and celebrities. But off-stage, Darrell Hammond’s life was anything but a joke. In CRAY, a special audio performance captured live onstage at Audible’s Minetta Lane Theatre, Hammond brings to life his acclaimed memoir, God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked: Tales of Stand-Up, Saturday Night Live and Other Mind-Altering Mayhem.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Thanks for sharing
- By Nickisnotgary on 09-06-24
By: Darrell Hammond, and others
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Breakfast of Champions
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: John Malkovich
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,309
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,889
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Story4 out of 5 stars 3,880
Breakfast of Champions (1973) provides frantic, scattershot satire and a collage of Vonnegut's obsessions. His recurring cast of characters and American landscape was perhaps the most controversial of his canon; it was felt by many at the time to be a disappointing successor to Slaughterhouse-Five, which had made Vonnegut's literary reputation.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Kurt Was Right to Grade This a C
- By Dubi on 01-10-16
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 17,427
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 15,879
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Story4 out of 5 stars 15,813
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
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5 out of 5 stars
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More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
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Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,189
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,055
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,051
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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3 out of 5 stars
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They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
What listeners say about John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Sean hulbert
- 12-22-22
Enjoyable
Love that it is read by John Goblikon, it wouldn’t have been as good read by anyone else. It’s more for entertainment value than it is for self help, but there is some good advice too. Definitely worth a listen. Great job John, I hope you get all the awards for this book.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jen
- 01-25-22
Get this book RIGHT NOW!
Even my mom enjoyed this! I think we all could learn a thing or two from John Goblikon.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Michael & Whitney Boyette
- 09-30-20
Chili’s
Need I say more? Actually I do Amazon makes me tell a certain amount of words. So. Chili’s
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Dillan Bergman
- 04-27-20
Eye Opening Experience
Loved it!
The most memorable moment was learning "excuses are like assholes, it's all about presentation."
John Goblikon is a narrative sensation, unlike any other.
Thanks to this audiobook, during hard times in America due to the COVID-19 pandemic; I as an essential worker, took a shot listening to this book as an outlet for my feelings.
Because of the lessons learned in this book, from start to finish, I willingly restrained myself from quitting my warehouse job and starting my new life as a Chaturbate model. Although my delectable yams would've been a hit and definitely put me in the top 200 position on the site, I made the right call and I'm sticking my neck out for people in need, rather than selfishly be concerned about my income.
I recommend this book for anyone going though a rough time RIGHT NOW (see what I did l there?) and in need of an escape from this hellscape of a reality.
P.S. Told my co-worker Brad (who isn't technically classified as a Brad but still associated by name) to fuck off.
P.S.S Some insight on Brad, he is at least 6 foot tall and 250lbs, in his free time he likes jamming out to Type O Negative and practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu... He's a little upset with me but I will gift him this audiobook to make amends.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 10-16-19
Time to live!
Before listening to this book, everything was terrible. Now I know how to handle Brads and exactly where I should go for Happy Hour everyday! Thanks John!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Ickybittles
- 01-06-21
hilarious
loved it a lot listening to a internet famous goblin while working away at my desk job is a fine way to spend an afternoon
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Michael
- 08-02-20
Five out of Five Stars!
Live your best (green) life!
John Goblikon shares his otherworldly experiences with us in the hope of helping us reach our best selves, our goblin selves. From things such as dealing with work, self-image, and eating at Chili's, Mr. Goblikon does his best to make sure we all understand that life is fleeting and we need to make the most of it right now. RIGHT NOW.
Nekrogoblikon being one of my favorite bands, I knew I had to read this self-help book penned by their mascot, John Goblikon. His wild musings were hilarious, and had me laughing quite a bit while driving (which is mainly when I like to listen to audiobooks, which is the best format for this book to be enjoyed). I finished this book in a single day, and only wish there was more to be had.
For fans of metal, goblins, and Chili's, I highly recommend you buy this book. And do yourself a favor and splurge a bit more for the audiobook. I promise you won't regret it.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Eli W.
- 05-09-22
Rock on...
...at Chillie's. Why this have to be 15 words or more? I don't have that much to say.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 08-06-20
Best audio book I've ever heard.
Thanks John, you really set me up to Liv my best life. I don't know what I would do without ya.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- gghhyy
- 06-03-22
Goblinesk!
No other goblin book audio or other wise will ever touch this book! Right Now, best life advice in the history of life advice Right Now!
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