I'll Die After Bingo
My unlikely life as a care home assistant
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I'll Die After Bingo
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Narrated by:
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Pope Lonergan
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By:
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Pope Lonergan
About this listen
Brought to you by Penguin.
Resident: 'I feel I want to keep talking.'
Me: 'Of course! What do you want to talk about?'
Resident: 'My heart.'
Me: 'What about your heart?'
Resident: 'I feel I want to touch it.'
Me: 'Your heart? You want to touch your heart?'
Resident: 'Yes, but I'm too frightened.'
Me: 'What are you frightened about?'
Resident: 'Everything. People. Things.'
Me: 'What's frightening you at this very moment?'
Resident: (closes eyes). 'That I'll never be touched again. That I won't be able to get to my heart.'
Me: 'Metaphorically?'
Resident: 'More carrots please.'
Whether he's initiating a coup d'état against new regulations with the residents or forging a bond with the 98-year-old who once called him a fat slut, Pope Lonergan's work is infinitely varied. This no-holds-barred account shows what life inside a care home is really like, for both residents and carers. Featuring night-time drama, incontinence pads and the uniquely dark humour of one double-amputee Alzheimer's patient, here you can learn everything you ever wanted to know (and a few things you probably really didn't) about Britain's care system.
This important memoir challenges us all to think differently about the value of our elderly, and also the carers who look after them.
©2022 Pope Lonergan (P)2022 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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5 out of 5 stars
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Fun and engaging read!
- By Wendy Hoffman on 11-18-17
By: Keith A. Pearson
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High Dive
- By: Jonathan Lee
- Narrated by: Doyle Gerard
- Length: 11 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 107
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 92
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 89
Taking us inside one of the 20th century's most ambitious assassination attempts - "making history personal", as one character puts it - High Dive moves between the luxurious hospitality of a British tourist town and the troubled city of Belfast, Northern Ireland, at the height of the armed struggle between the Irish Republican Army and those loyal to the UK government.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Humor? Not Funny.
- By W Perry Hall on 04-10-16
By: Jonathan Lee
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Us: A Novel
- By: David Nicholls
- Narrated by: David Haig
- Length: 14 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 862
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 769
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Story4 out of 5 stars 773
Douglas Petersen may be mild-mannered, but behind his reserve lies a sense of humor that seduces beautiful Connie into a second date...and eventually into marriage. Now, almost three decades later, they live more or less happily in the London suburbs with their moody seventeen year-old son, Albie. Then Connie tells him she thinks she wants a divorce. The timing couldn’t be worse. Connie has planned a month-long tour of European capitals, a chance to experience the world’s greatest works of art as a family, and she can’t bring herself to cancel. And maybe going ahead is for the best anyway? Douglas is privately convinced that this landmark trip will rekindle the romance in the marriage, and might even help him to bond with Albie. Narrated from Douglas’s endearingly honest, slyly witty, and at times achingly optimistic point of view, Us is the story of a man trying to rescue his relationship with the woman he loves, and learning how to get closer to a son who’s always felt like a stranger.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great novel - my favorite in years
- By Mark on 07-21-15
By: David Nicholls
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The Brightest Star in the Sky
- A Novel
- By: Marian Keyes
- Narrated by: Caitriona Keyes
- Length: 17 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 135
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 76
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Story4 out of 5 stars 79
The Brightest Star in the Sky follows seven neighbors whose lives become entangled when a sassy and prescient spirit pays a visit to their Dublin townhouse with the intent of changing at least one of their lives. But what will this metamorphosis be and who will the sprite choose?
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1 out of 5 stars
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Terrible sound quality, worse narration
- By Jan on 02-23-10
By: Marian Keyes
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Give Me the Child
- By: Mel McGrath
- Narrated by: Adjoa Andoh
- Length: 9 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 120
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 109
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Story4 out of 5 stars 109
Dr Cat Lupo aches for another child despite the psychosis which marked her first pregnancy. So when Ruby Winter, a small girl in need of help, arrives in the middle of the night, it seems like fate. But as the events behind Ruby's arrival emerge - her mother's death, her connection to Cat - Cat questions whether her decision to help Ruby has put her own daughter at risk.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Give Me the Child will give you a heck of a read!
- By Cassandra on 08-04-17
By: Mel McGrath
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Stella's Story
- Thrown Away Children, Book 1
- By: Louise Allen
- Narrated by: Melanie Crawley
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 228
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 215
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Story5 out of 5 stars 215
Named after the lager that christened her at birth, Stella's life is characterised instability and neglect. Her teenage mother abandons her in the first few weeks of her life, and left in the 'care' of her father, she ends up lying deserted in a house with no food, no water, no clothes and no warmth. She eventually lands in the care of foster carer Louise, who is determined to change her life for the better.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Heartbreaking but so wonderful to see a happy ending
- By Amazon Customer on 11-14-24
By: Louise Allen
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It's Not Me, It's You
- Impossible perfectionist, 27, seeks very very very tidy woman
- By: Jon Richardson
- Narrated by: Jon Richardson
- Length: 3 hrs and 16 mins
- Abridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 167
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 143
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 142
A control freak looks for love (women who leave wet teaspoons in sugar bowls need not apply). ‘I haven’t woken up with a cup of tea by the bed for seven years. It seems such a small thing but it’s one of a thousand things I miss about having someone around to take care of me. I have spent my entire adult life getting things the way I want them and all I want now is someone to give it all up for.’ Jon Richardson. Is your filing faultless? Your CDs, apostrophes, cutlery all in the right places?
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5 out of 5 stars
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Different, surprising comedy
- By Vasilia on 05-14-12
By: Jon Richardson
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Down Among the Dead Men
- A Year in the Life of a Mortuary Technician
- By: Michelle Williams, Keith McCarthy
- Narrated by: Liz Holliss
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 165
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 148
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Story4 out of 5 stars 151
Michelle Williams, an attractive young woman with close family ties and an active social life, describes her first extraordinary year in her unusual new job as a mortuary technician. It’s a year in which, with innate good humour, she encounters death at its most tragic, bizarre, and hilarious. Her tale, neither gruesome nor sad, is enlivened by a range of colourful and eccentric characters, from pathologists and coroners to hospital porters and undertakers, giving us a glimpse of life - and death - that few of us will ever experience.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Things you never wanted to know about a mortuary
- By Martin on 09-25-12
By: Michelle Williams, and others
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I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan
- By: Alan Partridge
- Narrated by: Alan Partridge
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 744
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 668
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 662
Journalist, presenter, broadcaster, husband, father, vigorous all-rounder – Alan Partridge – a man with a fascinating past and an amazing future. Gregarious and popular, yet Alan’s never happier than when relaxing in his own five-bedroom, south-built house with three acres of land and access to a private stream. But who is this mysterious enigma? Alan Gordon Partridge is the best – and best-loved – radio presenter in the region. Born into a changing world of rationing, Teddy Boys, apes in space and the launch of ITV, Alan’s broadcasting career began as chief DJ of Radio Smile....
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5 out of 5 stars
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An Anglican giant among pygmies
- By John on 06-20-12
By: Alan Partridge
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The Good Liar
- A Novel
- By: Nicholas Searle
- Narrated by: Matthew Brenher
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 163
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 148
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Story4 out of 5 stars 148
Veteran con artist Roy spots an obvious easy mark when he meets Betty, a wealthy widow, online. In no time at all, he's moved into Betty's lovely cottage and is preparing to accompany her on a romantic trip to Europe. Betty's grandson disapproves of their blossoming relationship, but Roy is sure this scheme will be a success. He knows what he's doing. As this remarkable feat of storytelling weaves together Roy's and Betty's futures, it also unwinds their pasts.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Hope the movie is better than the book?
- By S. Smith on 10-17-19
By: Nicholas Searle
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Perfect Remains
- DI Callanach, Book 1
- By: Helen Fields
- Narrated by: Robin Laing
- Length: 12 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 256
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 226
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 226
On a remote Highland mountain, the body of Elaine Buxton is burning. All that will be left to identify the respected lawyer are her teeth and a fragment of clothing. In the concealed back room of a house in Edinburgh, the real Elaine Buxton screams into the darkness…. Detective Inspector Luc Callanach has barely set foot in his new office when Elaine’s missing persons case is escalated to a murder investigation. Having left behind a promising career at Interpol, he’s eager to prove himself to his new team.
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2 out of 5 stars
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A great disappointment
- By Amazon Customer on 12-20-19
By: Helen Fields
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Beyond Broadhall
- The '86 Fix Conclusion
- By: Keith A. Pearson
- Narrated by: Andy Cresswell
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 38
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 36
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 36
'It's been 11 months since I sat in my teenage bedroom and my mundane life was cast into madness. I suppose you could argue it was a lot longer if you include the 30-year trip back to 1986.' After his miraculous weekend in 1986, Craig Pelling returned to a future he could never have envisaged. Even by his own hapless standards, his plans have spectacularly backfired. Does he face a bleak, lonely future, or does he try to seek answers? Either way, an emotional roller coaster beckons.
By: Keith A. Pearson
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Broken
- A traumatised girl. Her troubled brother. Their shocking secret.
- By: Rosie Lewis
- Narrated by: Madeleine Gould
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 85
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 77
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 78
Nine-year-old Archie and his five-year-old sister, Bobbi, are taken into emergency police protective custody after an incident of domestic violence at their family home. Rosie collects the children from their out-of-hours foster carer on New Year's Day and instantly recognises Archie from a domestic violence workshop she helped with. Rosie remembers that when asked what he enjoyed most about the course, Archie said, 'The biscuits'. Social workers are concerned that Archie and Bobbi have been neglected.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Sad story
- By JaneMcFaddenStephens on 05-19-19
By: Rosie Lewis
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Are You Watching Me?
- DS Claire Boyle, Book 2
- By: Sinead Crowley
- Narrated by: Aoife McMahon
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 43
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 38
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Story4 out of 5 stars 38
Dear Elizabeth, I've been watching you. I hope to see you...soon. Liz Cafferky is on the up. Rescued from her dark past by the owner of a drop-in centre for older men, Liz soon finds herself as the charity's face - and the unwilling darling of the Dublin media. Amidst her claustrophobic fame, Liz barely notices a letter from a new fan. But then one of the centre's clients is brutally murdered, and Elizabeth receives another, more sinister note. Running from her own ghosts, Liz is too scared to go to the police.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Fantastic!!
- By Brett McAteer on 03-06-19
By: Sinead Crowley
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Ordinary Thunderstorms
- A Novel
- By: William Boyd
- Narrated by: Gideon Emery
- Length: 12 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 235
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 150
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Story4 out of 5 stars 150
One May evening in London, Adam Kindred, a young climatologist in town for a job interview, is feeling good about the future as he sits down for a meal at a little Italian bistro. He strikes up a conversation with a solitary diner at the next table, who leaves soon afterward. With horrifying speed, this chance encounter leads to a series of malign accidents, through which Adam loses everything—home, family, friends, job, reputation, passport, credit cards, cell phone—never to get them back.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Amazing Story Teller
- By Dorothy on 09-07-14
By: William Boyd
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The Bright Side Running Club
- By: Josie Lloyd
- Narrated by: Danielle Cohen
- Length: 11 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 34
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 30
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 31
When Keira first receives her breast cancer diagnosis, she never expects to end up joining a running group with three women she’s only just met. Totally blindsided, all she can think about is how she doesn’t want to tell her family or step back from work. Nor does she want to be part of a group of fellow cancer patients. Cancer is not her club. And yet it’s running - hot, sweaty, Lycra-clad running in the company of brilliant, funny women all going through treatment - that unexpectedly gives Keira the hope she so urgently needs.
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2 out of 5 stars
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depressing
- By Jessica on 09-15-22
By: Josie Lloyd
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You Had Me at Hello
- By: Mhairi McFarlane
- Narrated by: Julie Hesmondhalgh
- Length: 10 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 329
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Performance3.5 out of 5 stars 298
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Story4 out of 5 stars 295
What happens when the one that got away comes back? Find out in this sparkling debut from Mhairi McFarlane. Rachel and Ben. Ben and Rachel. It was them against the world. Until it all fell apart. It’s been a decade since they last spoke, but when Rachel bumps into Ben one rainy day, the years melt away. They’d been partners in crime and the best of friends. But life has moved on: Ben is married. Rachel is not. Yet in that split second, Rachel feels the old friendship return. And along with it, the broken heart she’s never been able to mend.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Narrator ruins it
- By Sandi P on 09-07-16
By: Mhairi McFarlane
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Putney
- A Novel
- By: Sofka Zinovieff
- Narrated by: Michelle Ford
- Length: 11 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 61
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 52
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Story4 out of 5 stars 51
In the spirit of Zoë Heller’s Notes on a Scandal and Tom Perrotta’s Mrs. Fletcher, an explosive and thought-provoking novel about the far-reaching repercussions of an illicit relationship between a young girl and a man 20 years her senior. Masterfully told from three diverse viewpoints - victim, perpetrator, and witness - Putney is a subtle and enormously powerful novel about consent, agency, and what we tell ourselves to justify what we do, and what others do to us.
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5 out of 5 stars
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One of the greatest stories of all time!
- By Valarie on 06-17-20
By: Sofka Zinovieff