Hold On to Your Kids

Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers

By: Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Maté MD

Narrated by: Gabor Maté MD, Daniel Maté

This parenting classic on one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time—peers replacing parents in the lives of children—is now more relevant than ever. The latest edition includes new material on how social media and video game culture are affecting our children, and what parents can do.

In Hold On to Your Kids, Dr. Neufeld and Dr. Maté explore the phenomenon of peer orientation: the troubling tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction—for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behavior. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; it is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident—as do the solutions.

©2008 Gabor Maté (P)2018 Vintage Canada

Critic reviews

“Hold on to Your Kids blows in from Canada like a Blue Northern, bringing us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting. The authors integrate psychology, anthropology, neurology and their own personal and professional experiences as they examine the 'context' of parenting today. This is a worthy book with practical implications for mom and dad.”—Dr. Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other

“With the benefit of 30 years of research and experience, Neufeld has crafted a coherent, compelling theory of child development that will cause an immediate frisson of recognition and acceptance in its readers. His approach has the power to change, if not save, the lives of our children.”—National Post

“Hold on to Your Kids is visionary book that goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of society. Most importantly they offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfill their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well written book, one to be taken seriously, very seriously.”—Peter A. Levine Ph.D., International teacher and author of the bestselling books: Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma and It Won’t Hurt Forever: Guiding Your Child through Trauma

most recommended parenting book

I am a family therapist and this is the only book on parenting I recommend. Brilliantly written on the latest brain research

So great as a young father!

This is hard for me because I was raised a certain way, took in the lies of society, and peer grooming. This really forced me to take a step back and think before I engage with my kids, have a plan to work and work the plan.

eye opening

The arguments presented are compelling and as a parent I can attest to their validity.

Hear them out, it’s important!!

This book outlines and explains with facts on how you can build that living relationship with your child! This is the parenting manual you all are looking for! 🙏🏼

Must-have book for parents!!!

This is an incredible book that is insightful, inspiring, and a path to better relationships with a child. Being armed with knowledge to avoid peer-peer attachment makes me move forward in parenting in 2022 with more confidence. I highly recommend this book!

Turns out, peer socialization is not the most important thing…

A supposed psychologist left a review stating that the book didn’t explain how children become peer oriented. That person clearly didn’t listen carefully. This book very clearly laid out how society has changed and what has lead to children becoming increasingly peer oriented. It gave me lots of things to consider in how I interact with my children. I overall found it refreshing, considering the fact that many people are so confused and brainwashed into believing that peer socialization is of utmost importance. Great book, great information.

Absolute MUST READ FOR EVERY PARENT !!!

This book is essential for all parents raising a child these days !!! it clearly explains the issues and also solutions we all face this day and age!!! its information is invaluable and literally a must have if you wish to do your job as a parent well given the circumstances we face in the digital world!! definitely recommend !!!

One of the best child development books ever written

This topic, attachment, is a mind blowingly important topic when it comes to raising kids wholesomely, especially in this day and age of addiction and competing attachments constantly surrounding us. Read it, if it’s the only parenting book you EVER read!

We need a sequel

What to do when teenagers and young adults are already peer oriented? This was touched but not deep enough. But this book is indispensable to parents of young children it will be among my gifts for newborns.

Your quality time is the best thing you can give your children!

I love how the authors explained how the parent needs to be present in their child’s life right from the beginning and can also repair the relationship even after not having that best quality time together. It’s hard but our kids NEED us and we need to put as much effort into being present t with them and giving quality time to them.