Happy Bloody Christmas
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Prime members: New to Audible?Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Happy Bloody Christmas
Buy for $26.13
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Olivia Mace
-
By:
-
Jo Middleton
About this listen
Don't miss the perfect Christmas present for yourself (or for that best friend who would definitely help you hide a body…)
–––––––––––––––––––––
Anna's Christmas Eve To Do List:
1. Wrap the kids' presents
2. Peel the potatoes
3. Get rid of the dead body?!
Hungover and exhausted after her family's annual party, all Anna Johnson wants for Christmas is to finish her to-do list and finally sit down with the world’s biggest glass of wine.
But when she stumbles across a dead body in her larder, her plans are well and truly buggered.
A mysterious death in her home really is the last thing she needs, but with her judgemental in-laws arriving in less than twenty-four hours, turning her house into a crime scene is not an option. If she’s going to save Christmas, it’s up to Anna to find out what the hell’s gone on. Oh – and figure out what to do with the body before one of the kids finds it.
And you thought burning the turkey was the worst that could happen…
–––––––––––––––––––––
AUTHORS LOVE HAPPY BLOODY CHRISTMAS!
'An outrageously funny, festive romp which is as utterly wonderful as it is (Christmas) crackers!' MIKE GAYLE
'A brilliantly written, hilarious whodunnit. Smart and very, very funny.' IAN MOORE
‘So funny, I’m annoyed I didn’t write it!' GILL SIMS
’This hilarious, sweary, cheerful whodunnit is a full-on festive romp that will make you laugh out loud.’ ADELE PARKS FOR Platinum
‘The perfect present for the friend who would help you hide a body!' CHRISSIE MANBY
‘Hilarious, festive and relatable. A total Christmas cracker!’ FIONA LEITCH
'So good, you should sack off Christmas dinner and read this instead!' HARPER FORD
'A compulsive Christmas cake binge of a read – terrific!' J.M. HALL
'Laugh a minute? More like laugh a second!' HANNAH HENDY
'Hilarious with dollops of fun and a brilliant whodunnit!' JONATHAN WHITELAW
'A five-star triumph!' ROSIE HANNIGAN
'Chock-full of proper jokes!' ABIGAIL BURDESS
©2024 Jo Middleton (P)2024 HarperCollins PublishersRelated to this topic
-
Stranded
- By: Chris Bruno, David Howard Lee, Shukri R. Abdi
- Narrated by: Taraji P. Henson, Tracee Ellis Ross, Blake Griffin, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 666
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 656
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 656
Separated by 10 years, 3,000 miles, and the unrelenting stresses of adulthood, best friends Janet and Serena plan a 40th birthday girls’ trip to reconnect. But after a massive crash, they’re the only survivors to wash ashore on an uncharted Caribbean Island. Armed with only the clothes on their backs and zero survival skills, they fight to overcome hunger, thirst, deadly wildlife—and most terrifyingly—decades of accrued resentment. Can they find their way home, or will they kill each other first?
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Get ready to Laugh
- By Lasheree McFarlane on 11-08-24
By: Chris Bruno, and others
-
Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 215,166
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 194,655
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 193,686
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
-
The Best Man's Ghostwriter
- By: Matthew Starr
- Narrated by: Glen Powell, Nicholas Braun, Ashley Park, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 945
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 914
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 914
A bad best man’s speech can ruin a wedding. Why do we plan every detail of a perfect day and then give the groom’s idiot best friend five minutes of total power? Enter Nate (Glen Powell), a speechwriter-for-hire who helps people write incredible best man speeches. To keep the best man from embarrassing himself (and the newlyweds), Nate uses his list of don’ts: Don’t mention the exes, don’t be rated R, and don’t bum everyone out. Nate’s system never fails. That is, until he meets Dan (Nicholas Braun).
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
SO GOOD
- By Csutty on 09-23-24
By: Matthew Starr
-
Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18,951
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,940
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,915
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
The Great Indoors
- By: Ginny Hogan
- Narrated by: Mae Whitman
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 285
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 278
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 278
Alice's journey begins as all good journeys do: hitting on the sales guy at REI. After a tumultuous breakup, a quick career transition, family upheaval, and a sobriety journey that didn't fix her life quite as much as she expected it to, Alice decides that the only way to solve all her problems is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. But as she begins preparing for the months-long quest, she realizes the answers she's seeking might not be on top of a snow-covered mountain. Especially since she just learned there was snow in California.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Chuck full of laughs to lift anyone's spirits.
- By Laura Boogaert on 09-22-24
By: Ginny Hogan
-
I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 56,002
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 50,449
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50,193
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
-
Stranded
- By: Chris Bruno, David Howard Lee, Shukri R. Abdi
- Narrated by: Taraji P. Henson, Tracee Ellis Ross, Blake Griffin, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 666
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 656
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 656
Separated by 10 years, 3,000 miles, and the unrelenting stresses of adulthood, best friends Janet and Serena plan a 40th birthday girls’ trip to reconnect. But after a massive crash, they’re the only survivors to wash ashore on an uncharted Caribbean Island. Armed with only the clothes on their backs and zero survival skills, they fight to overcome hunger, thirst, deadly wildlife—and most terrifyingly—decades of accrued resentment. Can they find their way home, or will they kill each other first?
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Get ready to Laugh
- By Lasheree McFarlane on 11-08-24
By: Chris Bruno, and others
-
Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 215,166
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 194,655
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 193,686
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
-
The Best Man's Ghostwriter
- By: Matthew Starr
- Narrated by: Glen Powell, Nicholas Braun, Ashley Park, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 945
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 914
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 914
A bad best man’s speech can ruin a wedding. Why do we plan every detail of a perfect day and then give the groom’s idiot best friend five minutes of total power? Enter Nate (Glen Powell), a speechwriter-for-hire who helps people write incredible best man speeches. To keep the best man from embarrassing himself (and the newlyweds), Nate uses his list of don’ts: Don’t mention the exes, don’t be rated R, and don’t bum everyone out. Nate’s system never fails. That is, until he meets Dan (Nicholas Braun).
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
SO GOOD
- By Csutty on 09-23-24
By: Matthew Starr
-
Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18,951
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,940
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,915
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
The Great Indoors
- By: Ginny Hogan
- Narrated by: Mae Whitman
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 285
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 278
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 278
Alice's journey begins as all good journeys do: hitting on the sales guy at REI. After a tumultuous breakup, a quick career transition, family upheaval, and a sobriety journey that didn't fix her life quite as much as she expected it to, Alice decides that the only way to solve all her problems is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. But as she begins preparing for the months-long quest, she realizes the answers she's seeking might not be on top of a snow-covered mountain. Especially since she just learned there was snow in California.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Chuck full of laughs to lift anyone's spirits.
- By Laura Boogaert on 09-22-24
By: Ginny Hogan
-
I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 56,002
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 50,449
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50,193
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
-
The Perfect Find
- By: Tia Williams
- Narrated by: Wesleigh Siobhan
- Length: 11 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,591
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,467
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,464
Jenna Jones, former It-girl fashion editor, is broke and desperate for a second chance. When she’s dumped by her longtime fiancé and fired from Darling magazine, she begs for a job from her old arch nemesis, Darcy Vale. The beyond-bitchy publisher of StyleZine.com, Darcy agrees to hire her rival - only because her fashion site needs a jolt from Jenna’s old school cred. But Jenna soon realizes she’s in over her head.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
A-FREAKING-MAZING!!!
- By Bernadette on 05-30-21
By: Tia Williams
-
American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 5,259
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,662
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 4,670
Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
-
CRAY
- By: Darrell Hammond, Elizabeth Stein
- Narrated by: Darrell Hammond
- Length: 1 hr and 10 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 145
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 142
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 142
He is one of the longest-running cast members on Saturday Night Live, an American comedy genius renowned for his spot-on sendups of politicians and celebrities. But off-stage, Darrell Hammond’s life was anything but a joke. In CRAY, a special audio performance captured live onstage at Audible’s Minetta Lane Theatre, Hammond brings to life his acclaimed memoir, God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked: Tales of Stand-Up, Saturday Night Live and Other Mind-Altering Mayhem.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Thanks for sharing
- By Nickisnotgary on 09-06-24
By: Darrell Hammond, and others
-
Breakfast of Champions
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: John Malkovich
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,309
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,889
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 3,880
Breakfast of Champions (1973) provides frantic, scattershot satire and a collage of Vonnegut's obsessions. His recurring cast of characters and American landscape was perhaps the most controversial of his canon; it was felt by many at the time to be a disappointing successor to Slaughterhouse-Five, which had made Vonnegut's literary reputation.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Kurt Was Right to Grade This a C
- By Dubi on 01-10-16
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 17,428
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 15,880
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 15,814
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
-
Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,189
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,055
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 1,051
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason