Gorilla and the Bird

A Memoir of Madness and a Mother's Love

By: Zack McDermott

Narrated by: Zack McDermott

The story of a young man fighting to recover from a devastating psychotic break and the mother who refuses to give up on him.

Zack McDermott, a 26-year-old Brooklyn public defender, woke up one morning convinced he was being filmed, Truman Show-style, as part of an audition for a TV pilot. This was it - his big dreams were finally coming true. Every passerby was an actor; every car would magically stop for him; everything he saw was a cue from "The Producer" to help inspire the performance of a lifetime. After a manic spree around Manhattan, Zack, who is bipolar, was arrested on a subway platform and admitted to Bellevue Hospital.

So begins the story of Zack's freefall into psychosis and his desperate, poignant, often darkly funny struggle to claw his way back to sanity, regain his identity, and rebuild some semblance of a stable life. It's a journey that will take him from New York City back to his Kansas roots and to the one person who might be able to save him, his tough, big-hearted Midwestern mother, nicknamed the Bird, whose fierce and steadfast love is the light in Zack's dark world.

Before his odyssey is over, Zack will be tackled by guards in mental wards, run naked through cornfields, receive secret messages from the TV, befriend a former Navy SEAL and his talking stuffed monkey, and see the Virgin Mary in the whorls of his own back hair. But with the Bird's help, he just might have a shot at pulling through, starting over, and maybe even meeting a woman who can love him back, bipolar and all.

Written with raw emotional power, humor, and tenderness, Gorilla and the Bird is a bravely honest account of a young man's unraveling and the relationship that saves him.

©2017 Zack McDermott (P)2017 Hachette Audio

Critic reviews

"A startlingly moving memoir of mother and son, structural injustice and inflammable mental illness. Gorilla and the Bird is as piss-cuttin' a pieta as anyone has any right to hope for. And Zack McDermott - guy's a fleet, funny, unsentimental storyteller who manages that rare thing: He allows a damaged soul be found." (Kent Russell, author of I Am Sorry to Think I Have Raised a Timid Son)

" Gorilla and the Bird will make you laugh, cry, and wonder what would happen if we were all brave enough to tell the stories of our relationships with love and madness. I needed this book." (Kiese Laymon, author of How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America)

Beautifully written, poignantly told experience of bipolar

McDermont provides an excellent contribution to the “walk in my shoes”
literature about bipolar disease. Hats off to the gorilla and especially to the bird who offers a role model for hanging in.

It doesn’t get more real than this

Zack McDermott’s personal story has done more to help reduce the stigma of bipolar disorder than anything else I have ever read on the subject. I wish him and his family much success - and constant stability -going forward.

Powerful. Insightful into Bipolar and society

1. Brave
2 thank you to the author and his Mom the Bird. The story is powerful, compelling and inspiring.
3. Insightful into society. Our criminal justice and mental health issues as well as lower income challenges and the ongoing cycles
4. Insights into mental illness.


5. Am raising my proverbial pin pins for Zach and his family and his new wife. Thank you for sharing your roadmap to managing his/your illness and also offering a glimpse into the greater society ills - like the circle of mental illness/addiction/prison ...challenges As a society we have yet to figure out. Expanded my understanding and compassion.

Best account of mental illness I’ve heard

This is a truly different mental illness memoir in the best possible way. It is read by the author and I think that made a difference in the immersion in the novel I experienced. Not the listen I expected but absolutely cannot recommend enough.

Heartbreaking story retold beautifully

The author’s narration is excellent. McDermott’s humor, humility and honesty draws the listener into his terrifying fight with madness. Gorilla and Bird is full of wonderfully wry observations and vivid descriptions of persons and places. Highly recommend.

Thoroughly enjoyed this book!

My daughter has bipolar disorder, though she does not struggle with bipolar one or psychosis, the story is still realatable as well as informative. This is the best personal memoir I've read of someone with bipolar disorder (and I loved Carrie Fisher's Postcards From the Edge). It's heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time; you'll laugh and you'll ugly cry. The author is the perfect narrator. I enjoyed his cadence and voice as well as the emotional authenticity you can hear coming through. I couldn't stop listening and finished it in two days.

Amazing Grace, your Mom beat 800lb MeToo?

MeToo. Best voice (perfect inflection-I thank U Nick-you are the best)I cried through to end.

such a great writer and storyteller. superb!

this book will be a book I will come back to. what a wonderful author...such visual writing, the characters in the book will make you laugh and tear up with love. I fully reccomend this and cant wait yo see what is next for the author

Help, hope & hilarity...

Zach Zach Zach.... how honest and wonderful was this book?!?!? Thank you for writing this. Thank you for not pulling any punches. Thank you for sharing every corner and frayed end of your emotional spectrum.

For those of you on the fence, there is no sugar coating in these pages. None. But who wants sugar on the rim of their double margarita?!??! Gross.

Zach’s story will have you spitting your coffee out of your mouth with hilarity, weeping with him and his struggle, and even tasting the sour-sweetness of bologna and cigarettes as you go down the twisted rabbit hole and into the rough neighborhood of mental illness.

If you have a loved one with mental illness and you’re looking for a laugh and some hope, Zach is here for you. He is brilliant as well as hilarious, and he gives you velvet lined, box seats into his psychosis.

If you love someone with a mental illness...

Main point = IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT! So don’t be an ass hole.

Love you Zach, love this book. Thank you.

OH. HELL. YES.

This is the kind of modern memoir I'm talkin' about! This honesty is what I crave. The vulnerability necessary to write this story down and release it to the world is beautiful, connecting and refreshing AF. Thank you Zack McDermott for sharing your struggle and success with all of us! I'm truly impressed with this storytelling and love your voice. **so glad you read your own audiobook. Bigger impact, for sure.