DeadBeard: A Bearded Horror Story

By: Matthew Cash

Narrated by: JD Kelly

Great Bald Eagle may sound like a really cool name for a Native American Indian, and if he had have stayed, or even grew up in the settlements of his forefathers, then things might have different. But time moved on, his forefathers spread about a bit, and eventually Great Bald Eagle was born. GBE, Jeebee, to his friends, was raised by Native Americans that were so far from their ancestry, they barely knew anything about it, apart from the fact that they used to call their kids noble heroic names such as Geronimo, and Dances With Wolves.

Jeebee came out bald, alopecia, so they thought they would give him a majestic name to help him rise heroically throughout his life. They were wrong. Ever the brunt of jokes by everyone, within Jeebee grew a hatred for hair, and the money, imagery, and importance it had gained over the millennia. People spent thousands of hours grooming, preening, washing, drying, straightening, curling. It was fine when it was mostly the ladies doing it, but when this new wave of hipster surfaced, where man would spend even longer in front of the mirror with lotions and potions, it burst something inside of that had lying dormant all his life. Jealousy. With inspiration from his ancestral blood playing a heavy part, Great Bald Eagle, Jeebee to his friends, is going to make these hairy bastards pay. The wrath of the mighty DeadBeard, is about to befall beardkind.

©2016 Matthew Cash (P)2017 Matthew Cash