Data, A Love Story

How I Gamed Online Dating to Meet My Match

By: Amy Webb

Narrated by: Amy Webb, Brian Woolf

A lively, thought-provoking memoir about how one woman "gamed" online dating sites like JDate, OKCupid and eHarmony - and met her eventual husband.

After yet another online dating disaster, Amy Webb was about to cancel her JDate membership when an epiphany struck: It wasn’t that her standards were too high, as women are often told, but that she wasn’t evaluating the right data in suitors’ profiles. That night Webb, an award-winning journalist and digital-strategy expert, made a detailed, exhaustive list of what she did and didn’t want in a mate. The result: seventy-two requirements ranging from the expected (smart, funny) to the super-specific (likes selected musicals: Chess, Les Misérables. Not Cats. Must not like Cats!).

Next she turned to her own profile. In order to craft the most compelling online presentation, she needed to assess the competition - so she signed on to JDate again, this time as a man. Using the same gift for data strategy that made her company the top in its field, she found the key words that were digital man magnets, analyzed photos, and studied the timing of women’s messages, then adjusted her (female) profile to make the most of that intel.

Then began the deluge - dozens of men wanted to meet her, men who actually met her requirements. Among them: her future husband, now the father of her child.

Forty million people date online each year. Most don’t find true love. Thanks to Data, a Love Story, their odds just got a whole lot better.

©2013 Amy Webb; 2013 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

"Amy Webb found her true love after a search that's both charmingly romantic and relentlessly data-driven. Anyone who uses online dating sites must read her funny, fascinating book." (Gretchen Rubin, number one New York Times best-selling author of The Happiness Project)

"Data: A Love Story has me reassessing my sad single years, or at least my approach to them. The book is about pragmatic approaches to partnership, the freedom that comes from asking for what you want, and the clarity that follows honest assessments of oneself and others. (And it's brave, funny, and smart to boot.)" (Anna Holmes, founder of Jezebel.com and editor of Hell Hath No Fury: Women's Letters from the End of the Affair)

"A hilarious, fascinating, meticulous, brutally honest, totally engrossing and utterly delightful book. Webb's color-coded and cross-indexed tale of her quest for exactly what she unapologetically wanted will make you look at data differently - and use it much, much better." (Rachel Sklar, co-founder of TheLi.st and Change The Ratio)

Brilliant System

If you hate and struggle with online dating, I highly recommend this book. It allows you to apply careful analysis to something most people don't put enough thought into while making it enjoyable. It's also must read for the anxious, slightly neurotic dater but it's a method that can be applied by anyone. It will change the way you approach dating and it should because chances are you are doing it wrong.

Fun story, but not a how-to

Amy Webb's story, for all of her anal-retentive, control-freaky, color-coded spreadsheets is a pleasure to read. Her story of travel, work, family, and online dating resonates well as a plain fun narrative. The only place it falls short is the title's hint at a how-to. Since it took 8 years to bring the book to its audience, its how-to component is out of date. She acknowledges this in the last pages of the book, that interfaces and options have changed in online dating, so her precise experience isn't what exists currently, making it less relevant. However, her overall method, be clear and honest about what you want in a partner, prioritize, and don't waste time dating people that you know don't meet those needs. So don't read it for the how-to, which few of us would perform to her level of complexity, but for the story of a smart woman, a little heartbreak, a lovingly patient sister, spreadsheets, and finding a loving, compatible partner with whom to share your life. The narration, performed by the author, isn't professional, but isn't poor either. She narrates capably.

Numbers don’t lie!

I am not online dating. However, I am FASCINATED by her methodology and so wish I had had her insight when I was dating 35 years ago! I am a happily married woman of 28 years. Can’t wait for my 22 year old daughter to read this. What little she has shown me of online dating is DISMAL and SAD. Use this to cut through all of the BS.

Worth the wait

It took several chapters to get to the reason I bought the book but it all comes full circle and makes sense in the end.

Liked It Enough

Not how-to, but experiential. The writing was too detailed and grating at times. Maybe worthwhile.

I've put together my spreadsheet!

Would you listen to Data, A Love Story again? Why?

I will be listening to this book again. I need to figure out how to hack my dating profile too! Amy had some wonderful advise for how to do this.

What insight do you think you’ll apply from Data, A Love Story?

Most of her book was centered on knowing what's important to me. First and foremost, I need to know what I want to get out of dating.

Secondly, I need to know what keywords catch the attention of my target audience. I could care less what works for a different target audience. Once I know my target, then I figure out how they talk.

Huge dating help

finished in 2 days, whole new perspective on dating and apps, great stuff, highly recommended

Good book, but very one-sided.

I thought that this was a very good, because I've online dated before and was interested in getting to know more about it.

The information given in the book was very cerebral, and I did learn a lot from it. The only problem is that she seems to talk a lot about her bad dates, but a lot of her dates seem one-sided. We all make bad decisions on dates, and she doesn't really seem to talk about what she does. Granted it is hard to fully criticize yourself, I take what I read in this book with a grain of salt.

Striaght advice on online dating

What made the experience of listening to Data, A Love Story the most enjoyable?

I found Amy's narrative fascinating and useful to my own trials with online dating.

What did you like best about this story?

The part at the end with Brian's take on Amy's adventure's.

What does Amy Webb and Brian Woolf bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

I loved hearing the story in Amy's own voice.

What insight do you think you’ll apply from Data, A Love Story?

I have already made some massive edits to my online dating profiles based on some of the general advice Amy gives in the book.

Thank you Amy!

This story gave me tons of ideas, and most importantly, gave me back the hope I'd lost. Found it because of her Ted talk.