Cheap Sex

The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy

By: Mark Regnerus

Narrated by: Mike Chamberlain

Sex is cheap. Coupled sexual activity has become more widely available than ever. Cheap sex has been made possible by two technologies that have little to do with each other - the Pill and high-quality pornography - and its distribution made more efficient by a third technological innovation, online dating.

Together, they drive down the cost of real sex, and in turn slow the development of love, make fidelity more challenging, sexual malleability more common, and have even taken a toll on men's marriageability.

Cheap Sex takes listeners on an extended tour inside the American mating market, and highlights key patterns that characterize young adults' experience today, including the timing of first sex in relationships, overlapping partners, frustrating returns on their relational investments, and a failure to link future goals like marriage with how they navigate their current relationships.

Drawing upon several large nationally-representative surveys, in-person interviews with 100 men and women, and the assertions of scholars ranging from evolutionary psychologists to gender theorists, what emerges is a story about social change, technological breakthroughs, and unintended consequences.

©2017 Oxford University Press (P)2018 Tantor

Started off really interesting and strong but..

The book started off really interesting and strong captivated me and felt like I was learning but then it geared toward religion and a little too traditional .

Hook-Up Culture - Explained!

There are a few books that I've read and have changed my outlook on everyday life - this is one of them. This book simply uncovered and explained lots of societal trends that I regularly observe in my younger co-workers, but never gave them a second thought other than to say things like, "Dating is so much different now" and the like. It's like having the curtain pulled back and everything explained.

I docked one start because I thought the chapter about pornography and masturbation was far too lengthy and wrought with just too many statistics. The author made is point, but I'm not sure it couldn't have been made in half the time.

As for the 1-star reviews of this book - I'm really having a problem with claims of "Cherry-picking" statistics. The author says in the introduction what sources he uses, and explains that there are no other comparable data sets available. Those reviewers stopped short of referencing data sets beyond what was supposedly "cherry-picked". The shopper should be weary of claims of "cherry-picking" data - I felt the data presentation was honest and sound - one could argue the inferences he draws from said data, but even that is hard to debate I found - and some of those conclusions went against what I would have thought.

Overall I highly recommend the book - it was an eye-opener!

Absolutely indispensable

A must-read for anyone attempting to understand the modern dating market. Couldn’t recommend it enough, especially for single ladies.

Very informative and research based

If you want to understand the current state of things in human sexual relationships, this book will enlighten and inform. The trends expressed have been proven all the more since it was written.

Only listen if you want to understand

Challenging view of human sexuality and cultural change read well. Many will consider it dangerous.

Recommended

Definitely shows through studies how most of these people are choosing stuff just because they don’t understand things better so end up depressed
Also shows that the religious and one unit was right All along, these liberals and gays just showing they are happy but in reality they are confused

Very insightful

Regnerus explains some of the issues affecting our modern society in a pretty clear and succinct way. He references numerous studies while also providing helpful anecdotes in order to get his points across.

an underrated book, important to our time

I was blown away by this book. I had several professors in school recommend this to me, and they were not wrong. I wish more young adults, teens, and adults would read this book. He really addresses the social construct of sex, pleasure, dating life, societ y's view on marriage and commitment... It is really fascinating. I have a background in marriage and family science and he really nails a lot of his research, interpretation, and resources I would highly recommend this book to anyone.

Pretty Darn Accurate...unfortunately

People question why I am single as a very fit, healthy, intelligent and attractive 35 year old woman living in one of the best cities in the world (I live in San Francisco), yet what most fail to realize or choose not to see is the following:

Cheap sex has changed, and is very much still changing, the ways in which men and women relate to one another since it is eroding the backbone of long term relationships / commitment. When I talk about this concept, I am usually greeted with sighs and eye rolls from people of the older generations who grew up in a totally different era and think that there is just something inherently wrong with me; and my female friends who keep wasting their time with the dating apps, etc. deluding themselves into thinking that if they just keep doing what they are doing, they are going to get something different: an amazing man who is handsome, successful, fun, smart, emotionally available, marriage ready and possesses the desire for children.

I hate to be a buzzkill, but....

It is my experience that if we keep doing what we're doing, we're gonna keep gettin' what we're gettin', and most single women in San Francisco have the same complaints across the board as many other women in the United States unfortunately: the guy is either a bit of a loser, or if he's not a loser, and is actually somewhat interesting and attractive, he is nowhere to be found after a couple of dates because he is so sought after on the dating apps (usually having a plethora of women to choose from so he can keep going to his next best option and thus never having to really settle down). In the meantime, while he navigates the myriad of options he has on the dating apps and offline, he can get his sexual fantasies and needs fulfilled with the wide range of easily accessible porn in combination with the multiple flings he has going on with these desperate women who keep thinking that he is legitimately interested in them, when he is really just stringing them along for his own pleasure and entertainment. And, yes, for the men who actually want a committed relationship and/or aren't as desirable online/offline, they would probably say the same about attractive, interesting women in SF, but, more often than not, it's the other way around because, like the book comments, men ultimately hold the power at this point since cheap sex has infiltrated the dating / relationship / marriage market.

I have to say that although I am somewhat sad to say goodbye to the way things used to be (you know, like the days when a guy actually had to have the balls to ask a woman out in person and then had put some effort into actually planning the date, etc.), I have found a beautiful sense of freedom as I have basically become the man I always wanted to marry. With the way things are headed, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if I never get married or end up in a decent committed partnership thanks to cheap sex. And while the people of the older generations keep scratching their heads trying to figure out why I am still single, and my female friends keep complaining that the dating scene is fruitless, I am going to keep enjoying the best relationship in the world: the one with myself... because, ultimately, what other options do I really have? Sadly, not very many in today's digital age.

good read

I think the author misses a couple of important points and, I think he's influenced slightly by the feminization of culture in the US. Women are somehow still the victims of the narrative when very clearly these changes have been heavily influenced by women. That's one of the things about leadership, It comes with responsibility and accountability. Women set these changes in motion and the failure of any one of them is necessarily bound to their philosophy. Over all a great book and I recommend it. I think the author raises a lot of useful points.