Beach Slapped
A Novel
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Beach Slapped
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Narrated by:
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TJ Jones
About this listen
It begins with a sea lion committing sexual harassment and ends with the avenging spirit of Steve McQueen. In between, a nudist mascot, a Kansas hick with an eBay streak, and a beautiful marine biologist. (Is there any other kind?) Wild and weird, it's hilarious adventure on America's wettest coast. And living proof that you don't need to be drenched in sun to get beach slapped - hard.
Beach Slapped, is a mystery novel in the tradition of Carl Hiaasen. Focusing on the just-off-of-center residents of Surfland, a half-fictional city of 10,000 people on the wet and weird coast of Oregon, the adventure isn't just about getting the bad guy, it's about the lovable lunatics met along the way. From the sci-fi geek who never met a galactic parable he didn't love, to a father-turned-stalker, to the volunteer fire fighter who insists a stuffed dalmatian always ride shotgun, everyone's favorite oddball friend is here, just a little bit odder.
In the middle of it all is reluctant hero Jackson Poe, a freelance writing renegade from the corporate world writing stories about $30,000 bathrooms just to pay the bills. Refusing to give in to reality or climate, he buys his Hawaiian shirts at Goodwill and his cars topless. Always one sandal step ahead of his bills, his ex-girlfriend and the occasional cop looking to make a monthly ticket quota, Poe is living life just the way he likes it: roof rertracted and relaxed.
But that all changes one morning when he discovers marine biologist Callista Walker being harassed by a sea lion in a way they never discussed in college. Hoping to discover who chased her into the chilly ocean to drown, (the sea lion was an added bonus) Poe and Walker stumble into a scheme that will take them from the edge of the sea to a galaxy of reality show stupidity that's unfortunately not so far away. And whether it's rampant developers, landau roofs or Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings, everywhere Poe looks there are threats to his world as he knows it.
Fortunately, he's not alone in that world. And in a tale that spans from Kansas to the coast, one very naked culinary artist/mascot, the most clueless yet persevering romantic in history, and Wagner's Valkyries join with Poe as he attempts to spiritedly chase down the bad guys with the top down on his convertible no matter what waits over the horizon.
©2012 Barton Grover Howe (P)2013 Barton Grover HoweListeners also enjoyed...
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 744
International best-selling author Linwood Barclay delivers pulse-pounding suspense that puts him among the masters of the genre. A Tap on the Window finds private investigator Cal Weaver making an ill-advised decision to pick up a young female hitchhiker who reminds him of his dead son. But something is off about the girl, and Cal is soon drawn into a host of nightmarish secrets.
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5 out of 5 stars
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5 Stars for Tap on the Window
- By shelley on 04-16-14
By: Linwood Barclay
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Just Add Water
- Hetta Coffey Series, Book 1
- By: Jinx Schwartz
- Narrated by: Beth Richmond
- Length: 10 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 176
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 152
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Story4 out of 5 stars 151
Hetta Coffey is a globe-trotting civil engineer with attitude who is working on coming of age, a little late. Pushing forty and still single, Hetta is the epitome of the "B" word: bold, bossy, brassy, breezy, and brash. After leaving a lifelong swath of failed multinational affairs in her jet stream, it is no wonder Hetta prefers living with her dog, R.J. But old habits die hard, and trolling for triceps is Hetta's hobby....
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3 out of 5 stars
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Mixed bag. The dog dies.
- By Elisabeth Carey on 09-02-18
By: Jinx Schwartz
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The Dawn Patrol
- By: Don Winslow
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 9 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,382
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,035
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,022
Every morning Boone Daniels is out with the Dawn Patrol: four men and one woman as single-minded about surfing as he is, or nearly. They have real jobs; Boone works as a P.I. just enough to keep himself in fish tacos and in the water. But Boone is also obsessed with the unsolved case of a young girl named Rain who was abducted while he was with the San Diego police.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Don Winslow always surprises me
- By Hannah Coale on 09-08-15
By: Don Winslow
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Faces of the Gone
- Carter Ross, Book 1
- By: Brad Parks
- Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
- Length: 10 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 364
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 317
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Story4 out of 5 stars 318
Four bodies, each with a single bullet wound in the back of the head, stacked like cordwood in a weed-choked vacant lot: That's the front-page news facing Carter Ross, investigative reporter with the Newark Eagle-Examiner. Immediately dispatched to the scene, Carter learns that the four victims - an exotic dancer, a drug dealer, a hustler, and a mama's boy - came from different parts of the city and didn't seem to know one another.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Wish Brad Parks were more prolific!!!!
- By shelley on 02-16-18
By: Brad Parks
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Short Squeeze
- By: Chris Knopf
- Narrated by: Deanna Hurst
- Length: 9 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 105
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 58
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Story4 out of 5 stars 60
Meet smart-aleck Southampton attorney Jackie Swaitkowski. Her business relies on constant movement of Hamptons' real estate market. After making an odd request to evict his sister-in-law from his home, one of her clients turns up dead. Jackie would have expected that to be the end of it, but an envelope found on the corpse contains an item so unusual that she finds herself working on something bigger, and more dangerous, than real estate.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great Listen - Good Series
- By Patricia on 02-15-10
By: Chris Knopf
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The Winter of Frankie Machine
- By: Don Winslow
- Narrated by: Dennis Boutsikaris
- Length: 9 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,063
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,678
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,674
Frank Machianno is a late-middle-aged ex-surf bum who runs a bait shack on the San Diego waterfront. An affable Italian with a love of people and life, he's a stand-up businessman, devoted father, and a beloved fixture in the community. He's also a hit man - specifically, a retired hit man. Back in the day when he was one of the most feared members of the West Coast Mafia, he was known as Frankie Machine.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Five stars straight across the board
- By Eric Taylor on 06-28-12
By: Don Winslow
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Too Close to Home
- By: Linwood Barclay
- Narrated by: Christopher Lane
- Length: 11 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 485
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 414
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 410
In a quiet suburban neighborhood, in the house next door, a family is brutally murdered for no apparent reason. You can't help thinking, "That could have been us". And you start to wonder, "What if we're next?" That's the question Jim and Ellen Cutter are asking, and the answers aren't reassuring.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Plots and subplots galore
- By shelley on 04-10-14
By: Linwood Barclay
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The Wanderer
- Thunder Point, Book 1
- By: Robyn Carr
- Narrated by: Therese Plummer
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 5,025
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,627
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 4,621
Nestled on the Oregon coast is a small town of rocky beaches and rugged charm. Locals love the land’s unspoiled beauty. Developers see it as a potential gold mine. When newcomer Hank Cooper learns he’s been left an old friend’s entire beachfront property, he finds himself with a community’s destiny in his hands. Cooper has never been a man to settle in one place, and Thunder Point was supposed to be just another quick stop. But Cooper finds himself getting involved with the town. And with Sarah Dupre, a woman as complicated as she is beautiful.
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5 out of 5 stars
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4.5 The Wanderer Stars
- By whatcha.listening.to on 11-09-17
By: Robyn Carr
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Driftwood
- A Novel
- By: Elizabeth Dutton
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Dutton
- Length: 6 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 52
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 48
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 48
Los Angeles, California: Clem Jasper is a trust fund kid with a world famous rock musician for a father. When he dies suddenly (playing ping pong) she discovers he's left her a strange legacy: a series of letters that take her on a mysterious road trip around California. Ignoring her aunt's suggestion that she pitch the trip as a reality show, she embarks on her own to discover just what it was that her father meant her to find. What secret could be so powerful that he had to die before telling her?
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5 out of 5 stars
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I cried with this one,
- By Angela on 08-16-23
By: Elizabeth Dutton
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American Rust
- By: Philipp Meyer
- Narrated by: Tom Stechschulte
- Length: 12 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 600
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 500
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Story4 out of 5 stars 495
Set in a beautiful but economically devastated Pennsylvania steel town, American Rust is a novel of the lost American dream and the desperation-as well as the acts of friendship, loyalty, and love-that arise from its loss. From local bars to train yards to prison, it is the story of two young men, bound to the town by family, responsibility, inertia, and the beauty around them, who dream of a future beyond the factories and abandoned homes.
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4 out of 5 stars
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A Web of Despair and Desperation
- By Darwin8u on 07-16-12
By: Philipp Meyer
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You're Making Me Hate You
- A Cantankerous Look at the Common Misconception That Humans Have Any Common Sense Left
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,185
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,070
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,066
In the tradition of the late, great George Carlin, Corey Taylor, the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour, sounds off in hilarious fashion about the many vagaries of modern life that piss him off. Whether it's people's rude behavior in restaurants and malls, the many indignities of air travel, eye-searingly terrible fashion choices, dangerously clueless drivers, and - most of all - the sorry state of much modern music, Taylor's humor and insight cover civil society's seeming decline.
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5 out of 5 stars
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New perspective.
- By jeremy on 09-22-15
By: Corey Taylor
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I'll Be There
- By: Holly Goldberg Sloan
- Narrated by: Laura Jennings
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 51
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 46
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 46
Emily Bell believes in destiny. To her, being forced to sing a solo in the church choir - despite her average voice - is fate: because it's while she's singing that she first sees Sam. At first sight they are connected. Sam Border wishes he could escape, but there's nowhere for him to run. He and his little brother, Riddle, have spent their entire lives constantly uprooted by their unstable father. As Sam and Riddle are welcomed into the Bells' lives, they witness the warmth and protection of a family for the first time.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Needs to be a film!
- By TreasureHunter on 06-25-16
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Cold City
- Repairman Jack: Early Years Trilogy, Book 1
- By: F. Paul Wilson
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,217
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,053
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,048
If you've never read a Repairman Jack novel, this is the place to begin. It's 1990. A twenty-one-year-old named Jack has dropped out of college, leaving his old life behind to build a new one in New York City. Manhattan's rough edges are jagged enough to shred any unwary newcomer, but perhaps not one who is determined to stay off the grid, at any cost, in the busiest metropolis on earth. And to do so, he'll have to take jobs of a less than legal nature.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Fun, as long you don't think too much
- By Andrew Pollack on 01-17-14
By: F. Paul Wilson
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A Bad Idea I'm About to Do
- True Tales of Seriously Poor Judgment and Stunningly Awkward Adventure
- By: Chris Gethard
- Narrated by: Chris Gethard
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 177
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 159
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 159
Chris Gethard has often found himself in awkward situations most people, including you, probably would have safely avoided. The good news is now, thanks to this book, you can enjoy the painfully funny consequences of his unfortunate decisions at a safe distance. A Bad Idea I'm About to Do invites listeners to join Chris as he navigates an adolescence and adulthood mired in hilariously ill-fated nerdom, and to take comfort in the fact that - as his experiences often prove - things could always be much, much worse.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Loved it!!!
- By Amber G on 10-02-20
By: Chris Gethard
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Lawn Boy
- By: Jonathan Evison
- Narrated by: P. J. Ochlan
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 288
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 257
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 257
For Mike Muñoz, a young Chicano living in Washington State, life has been a whole lot of waiting for something to happen. Not too many years out of high school and still doing menial work - and just fired from his latest gig as a lawn boy on a landscaping crew - he knows that he's got to be the one to shake things up if he's ever going to change his life. But how?
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2 out of 5 stars
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CATEGORY AND SUMMARY MISLEADING
- By Gretchen on 05-01-18
By: Jonathan Evison
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The Ride of Our Lives
- Roadside Lessons of an American Family
- By: Mike Leonard
- Narrated by: Marc Cashman
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 99
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 42
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 42
Mike Leonard is a lucky man. It’s not everyone who gets parents like Jack and Marge. At 87, Jack is a pathological optimist with an inexhaustible gift of gab. Marge, Jack’s bride of 60 years, though cut from the same rough bolt of Irish immigrant cloth, is his polar opposite - pessimistic and proud of it. What was their son, Mike, thinking when he took a sabbatical from his job with NBC News so he could pile these two world-class originals along with three of his grown kids and a daughter-in-law into a pair of rented RVs and hit the road for a month?
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5 out of 5 stars
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Hilarious!!!
- By TurtlesRMe on 03-06-07
By: Mike Leonard
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God-Shaped Hole
- A Novel
- By: Tiffanie DeBartolo
- Narrated by: Rachael Warren
- Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 132
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 124
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Story4 out of 5 stars 123
When Beatrice Trixie Jordan replies to a personal ad, she meets Jacob Grace, a charming, effervescent 30-something free-spirit writer passionately seeking life. He possesses his own turns of phrase and ways of thinking and feeling that dissonantly harmonize with Trixie's off-center vision. As they rollercoaster through the joys and furies of their wrenching romance, they try to come to terms with the hurt brought about by both of their distant fathers who, in different ways, forsook them.
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5 out of 5 stars
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To see a fortune teller or not to see one...
- By Renee on 08-08-18