Ian

hopeless narrators

Reviewed: 10-05-21

anyone paid to read books need to know how to pronounce places like Gloucester (glowstirl and Thames (tames). neither narrator can do vocal variety and nor are they capable of voicing both genders. furthermore both have a vocal style as natural as an oral bowel movement.

the book is half and half decent and waffle.

narrators are woeful.

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Right book, wrong narrator

Reviewed: 09-02-21

RC Bray is the right man for an Andy Weir book.

Ray Porter is too excitable and overbearing.

Good story though and a great ET character.

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Punchable

Reviewed: 08-08-21

Endlessly and increasingly annoying. I like Derren Brown. I've been a fan for many years, but this? No. I wish I'd listened to it sooner so I could just refund it and pretend I never let it anywhere near my library, let alone my ears.

Basically, welcome to the world's least interesting cult, one so dull that even the cult leader simultaneously recommends it and then shrugs and seems to withdraw the proffered pamphlet. Except it isn't a pamphlet, it's this doorstop of repetitive, patronising tedium.

Brown doesn't read, he drones, quite literally, his voice changing pitch like a bee or wasp. Also, you can hear the smug in his voice, hear the desperation for sincerity but not too much sincerity, enthusiasm but not too much enthusiasm. He personifies the way of life he's extolling, at once stepping up with a hearty 'try it... ya might like it... maybe' and then almost in the same breath saying 'no, maybe not... forget it... maybe'.

I hate this book. Which is ironic, considering the message contained with it.

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Black? More Like Beige.

Reviewed: 01-24-19

I will admit I'm only at book 3, but these are so mediocre it's unreal. The story's are contrived waffle with twists and developments straight out of a 20s plot wheel. Characters that aren't bland are just annoying and the ones that aren't annoying are downright murderable (looking at you, Roxy). So far the mysteries have been about as difficult to solve (including who, how and why) as a one-colour Rubiks Cube.

Even the usually excellent Bray can't lift this one.

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it was free yet I still feel ripped off.

Reviewed: 12-16-18

The narration was excellent but the story was cobbled together junk. Banal and painfully derivative. Even though it was free I felt oddly cheated.

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1 person found this helpful

All Filler No Killer

Reviewed: 11-13-18

Worst of the series by a mile. The inconsistencies in language and deeply flawed world building are starting to grate and get irritating. Story and characters are coming a distant second to cramming in as many bone headed and derivative ideas as possible.

Not a brilliant series anyway it was good enough to sustain to book 4. Think I'll give 5 a miss.

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1 person found this helpful

Not Waving, Drowning

Reviewed: 06-17-18

As painful as it is funny, as funny as it is painful. Brilliant books but sometimes it's a hard listen. Pulls no punches, acerbic, bitter, bittersweet and full of melancholy. At times the writing is sharp enough that you feel it might cut.

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Decent Enough

Reviewed: 06-17-18

Not a patch on the Bobiverse books, but solid enough sci-fi and a good listen. Just lacked a spark and felt like a promising premise lost it's way a little as the book went on.

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Too Much Of A Mediocre Thing

Reviewed: 04-15-18

Basically I have two main criticisms.

The first is the narrator who was just a terrible choice for this book. His voice has now depth to it, no gravitas, and listening to characters who are meant to be hard-bitten sea-faring types is akin to hearing teenagers role-playing practising their all 'grown up and stuff' voices.

As a comparison, I'm now listening to the Patrick Melrose novels narrated by Alex Jennings who's capable of giving clear and distinct voices, across accents and gender, and can thus give his characters both variation and life. Sellwood just wasn't up to this task.

The second criticism is of the book itself. If Stephen King can be accused of 'verbal diarrhoea' in the length of density of his books, then Dan Simmons must do his writing from the toilet seat.

Good grief but the man can waffle, especially towards the end of the book and in particular the last chapter or two which should be full of melancholy and atmosphere but instead seemed to be little more than the other showing off his 'Inuit to English' dictionary.

Another occasion where I find myself distinctly in the minority. How this has 4.5 stars baffles me.

So, yeah, two main criticisms of an audiobook; the audio... and the book.

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52 people found this helpful

Maybe It's Me, But...

Reviewed: 03-16-18

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

As a rule, I find something that has consistently high reviews (and plenty of them) can be relied upon to deliver to some degree. This is the exception to that rule.

FantasticLand is billed as Battle Royale meets Lord of the Flies, and I'm not sure which one of those should feel more insulted by the comparison. It's nothing like as smart and controversial as BR, and falls laughably short of the genius of LOTF.

It's written from the POV of multiple witness testimonies given to the author of a book about what went on in a theme park cut off from civilisation, which stretches the vocal talents of both narrators.

The premise is that an insanely powerful hurricane isolates a theme park that was already remote, leaving the remaining staff (ostensibly to protect it from looters and other such contrivances) isolated for weeks.

During that time, society breaks down. It's gradual at first, but accelerates as time passes and supplies dwindle and... oh, wait. No, it's not gradual. It happens pretty much after one day. Apparently, deprive young adults from internet access and Facebook, and murderous mayhem will quickly follow. Supplies are plentiful we are repeatedly told, food and water both, and yet long-pig is apparently on the menu at some point. So next thing you know, factions are formed, atrocities are committed and before you can say 'well that didn't take long!', corpses are swinging from lamp-posts.

What characters there are seem thin at best, often little more than roughly sketched caricatures whose motivations are equally flimsy.

Also, a flood of the park keeps people from moving out beyond the main contested area, and yet several characters just wade out, one even setting up on his own in a luxury hotel until he's visited by two other characters who also make this seemingly impossible journey. This hotel, by the way, is one of four and, far as I can tell, no-one else seems to think wading through some foul water is a better option that being beaten to death.

The book is full to the brim with such inconsistencies which, even when they are justified, smack of little more than contrived conveniences.

Another example is that no-one is allowed to keep their phones, that they're all stored in staff lockers in a distant part of the park. So distant that early on, two characters go out there and loot the place. No-one else even bothers.

Towards the end, the writer doing all the interviewing asks why all this happened, and why so fast and so violent. His conclusions are half-baked commentaries on social isolation, reliance on technology and how teens left unattended will naturally follow the first psychopath who shows them where the stabby things are.

Honestly, it's just rubbish.

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70 people found this helpful