TRIGGER WARNING: there's a brief mention of self harm in this episode.

It's Long COVID Awareness Month and we are talking silver linings and counting all the ways that we are #hashtag# BLESSED! Or something like that. In reality, Dr. Amy and Lance talk about what they've learned from their experience with Long COVID, share lessons from others from whom they've learned (shout out Patient-Led Research Collaborative & Brain Damage Diaries on Substack!), and consider how and whether the concepts of silver linings and bright-sided thinking are useful when dealing with the horrors of never-ending illness. It's a roller coaster of emotions, folks. Hold on tight!

SILVER LININGS

It's hard to know what color to pick when you've run out of silver.

I've always been a silver linings gal. Nothing in the fridge but a grapefruit, garlic, stale buns, and a leftover burrito? Operation Stump the Chef it is. Love that show! Case of strep keeping you from that weekend with your BFFs? If ever there was a more legit excuse to indulge in the trashiest of trash bag reality TV, I've never heard it.

But this Long COVID thing? Oof. I tried. Lord knows I tried. Even did my white lady with no actual real problems duty and posted as many damn silver linings as I could think of on ALL the socials.

I have time to nap!

I've learned how to knit!

I like crafting now!

I bake bread!

My husband is the BEST. SO supportive. #blessed

My friends are the BEST. SO supportive. #blessed

My colleagues are the BEST. SO supportive. #blessed

If you didn't know better, you might have thought I’d been #BLESSED with Long COVID. SO many silver linings!

What a goddamn crock of shit. What a steaming pile of poo. Fuck. That.

I am done with silver.

But what color now?

From https://amyblackstonephd.substack.com/

If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available.

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Mentioned in this episode:

Patient-Led Research Collaborative

Brain Damage Diaries by Christina Van Dyke

Bright-sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America by Barbara Ehrenreich

How do we mark the passage of time when we're in limbo? That's the question on Dr. Amy's and Lance's minds in this episode of NEVERTHELESS, PERSISTING. We consider how our perceptions of time have changed since Long COVID, how we mark time, how we pass time, and how all this has changed since the Before Times. Time, time, time... it's a hazy shade of something out there.

A YEAR IN DOODLES

I've been resisting writing an acknowledgement of the new year. Another year of illness. Another year of no cure. Another year of fighting with bureaucrats (which initially auto-corrected to buttercream which I'd much rather fight with).

It's also been a year of acceptance. A year of gratitude. A year of slowing down on purpose, with purpose. Of stopping to notice and appreciate. A year of deep breaths in and slow, intentional breaths out. Trust me. It helps.

Continues at https://amyblackstonephd.substack.com/p/a-year-in-doodles

Isn't Episode 4 the standard introductory episode in every podcast series? No? Well, GOOD because "standard" has never been our way! It's our Behind the Podcast episode! Dr. Amy presents her vision for NEVERTHELESS, PERSISTING. She and Lance then go on to think together about the ways and contexts that individuals do and don't have power in society, how the collective we persist through the crap we encounter, how we resist, and there may be a Peter Cetera tangent somewhere in the middle there.

Welcome to NEVERTHELESS, PERSISTING

Have you ever looked back on a moment and known that’s when everything changed? Now in my 5th decade on earth, I’ve learned that several such moments occur throughout life. For me, a fateful decision to honor a commitment is simply the latest.

On March 10, 2020, I boarded a flight bound for Des Moines, Iowa. I boarded that flight despite the fact that mere minutes before, my employer had banned employee travel due to the emerging COVID-19 pandemic. I boarded that flight with my boss’s blessing because I’d made a professional commitment and I intended to honor it. I boarded that flight and along the way, picked up a companion I haven’t managed to shake: a virus described by some as innocuous, nothing more than a nuisance, a cold, no reason to change business-as-usual. I boarded that flight and I’ve been suffering from Long COVID ever since.

Continues at https://amyblackstonephd.substack.com/about

It's all about Johnny! You know, those terrible, awful, itchy, ugly gowns they make you wear at the hospital. Dr. Amy's breaking up with them, Lance gives us a history lesson, Dr. Amy talks power and fashion, and we all agree that Johnny needs to go.

DEAR JOHN(NY)

Dear John(ny),

You came into my life at a time when I needed you, covering my bits and bobbles as well as your design would allow. For that I must thank you.

Continues at https://amyblackstonephd.substack.com/p/dear-johnny.

Dr. Amy reads "I Love You. I'm Sorry." from her Substack then she and Lance discuss how chronic illness can make you feel like you're letting everybody in your life down, maintaining relationships when you're too sick to move, and making peace with it all.

I LOVE YOU. I'M SORRY.

If I could implant an electronic ticker tape across my forehead, these are the words I’d string across that broad expanse. I should also add them to my email and text headers and footers. And perhaps to a billboard outside my house. You see, as a chronic illness-having person, I’ve learned that time with my peeps is so very precious. I wish I could express to each and every one of you just how much I love you and how very sorry I am that I haven’t been and can’t be more present.

Continues at ⁠https://amyblackstonephd.substack.com/p/i-love-you-im-sorry.

Dr. Amy reads "World Spins Madly On" from her Substack then she and Lance discuss life with Long COVID, loneliness, and waking up after having missed the zombie apocalypse.

WORLD SPINS MADLY ON

It's over. That life from the Before Times. I could hardly tell you what it felt like then though everyone else seems fine. They look the same. They act the same. They're still here in body and spirit. I'm pretty certain we'd agree the same cannot be said for me. We - me and everyone else - are living in two different worlds. Mine takes place mostly in my head while theirs spins on as if nothing has happened. Continues at amyblackstonephd.substack.com/p/world-spins-madly-on.