Are sex events and fetish gear too expensive?

My guest in this episode is Matt Skully, who’s a performer, curator, events producer and occasional sex worker. His heart is as big as his desires as dark—and he’s got a long list of ideas that could make sex more financially accessible to people.

Fetish gear costs money, event tickets aren’t getting cheaper, and sometimes you have to travel big, expensive distances to get to the place where you can enjoy the sex you want. We don’t talk enough about how wealth inequality holds us back from sex (although check out episode 040 with Eva Oh!), so I was thrilled that Matt wanted to talk about this. I really enjoyed hearing about his experiences working the door in fetish clubs, and talking through his ideas for how we can build a world of free sex.

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can we find a way to take sex seriously?

My guest in this episode is Anastasiia Fedorova, a latex lover and author of a book called Second Skin: Inside the Worlds of Fetish, Kink and Deviant Desire. Anastasiia takes her subject so seriously that she’s built it into her life—and written a whole book about it.

I was fascinated to hear more about the research she’s done for the book, from fetishes for cars, monsters and medical gloves, as well as the classics such as feet, latex and leather. As a queer kinky person from Russia, Anastasiia also makes a good case for why it’s important to know the history and politics of sex topics.

You can pre-order the book now, including from Bookshop.org.

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if sexuality wasn’t a spectrum?

My guest in this episode is Sari Van Anders, who is a very multi-faceted scientist and thinker. Drawing on her experience in behavioural science and neuroscience, plus gender and queer thinking, Sari and her team have built an incredibly refreshing concept for how we can think of ourselves as sexual beings.

We tend to think of our gender and sex as one thing, and that we are attracted to others based on their gender and sex (eg, I’m a man who fancies men so I’m gay). But it’s much more complicated than that! Which is why I just say I’m ‘queer’! Sexual Configurations Theory (SCT), which is Sari’s idea, includes other factors like how many partners you fancy, how body parts are distinct from gender identities, and the relative strength of different kinks in making up our desire.

I’d love to know what you think of SCT — listen to Sari and let me know ;)

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How should we regulate sex clubs?

My guest in this episode is Karl Verboten, one of the masterminds behind one of London’s greatest kink club nights, Klub Verboten.

Karl told me the story of how Klub Verboten had to fight an archaic licensing system in order to hold parties that are sex-positive and safe at the same time. It’s a really fascinating story to do with local politics, legal regulations, the relationship between club promoters and the police — and it even involves kinky people sending sexy photos of themselves to the local council!

Karl has discovered that good sex spaces require dialogue between promoters and the authorities. Together, Karl believes, they are creating a new culture around sex spaces that places ‘traditional knowledge’ from the kink community at its heart.

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are sex-positive people too self-righteous?

My guest in this episode is Zachary Zane, a writer whose work focuses on sex and, well, his own experiences as a bisexual slut. Zach literally wrote the book on being a Boyslut.

Zach came on Free Sex to talk about how writers like him (and me), and anyone else talking about sex politics, can improve how we talk about sex. If we are hoping to build a world of free sex, we need to share information about sex in a way that doesn’t alienate people or ‘call them out’. I was super interested in hearing Zach’s opinions on this, mixed with his own experiences of writing about sex.

We even discussed the backlash to Zach’s writings about STIs, and how that was an example of why we need to talk about sex in a more loving and compassionate way.

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What a dominatrix taught me about universal basic income

This is an audio version of an essay from the Free Sex Substack - subscribe now to receive my writing into your inbox, and to support my work.

Would you join me in a thought experiment? We all have basic needs, such as food and shelter. And most of us have to cover these ourselves. Even though governments promise to provide our basic needs, people are starving and sleeping rough. We fudge through life trying to make sure we have somewhere nice to rest, and that we can go to bed on a full stomach. I’m thinking through the different freedoms that we each have due to the meeting of our basic needs. If I didn’t pay rent, would I have free sex?

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if we didn’t need to work to earn money?

My guest in this episode is Eva Oh, a dominatrix who wants everyone to have their basic needs financially covered. This was such a philosophical conversation, and I loved it! Eva argues that we can build a world of free sex if we adopt a universal basic income — people would have more time to investigate their own sexuality, instead of having to work so hard just to cover their basic needs. She shared stories from her own life, including how her own fearlessness has helped her to grow a hugely successful career as a dominatrix.

We don’t talk enough about how money (or lack of) holds us back from the sex that we want, so I’m grateful to Eva for bringing this issue onto the podcast. It sounds like a heavy topic, but in Eva’s hands it’s also fun and mind-expanding. Let me know what you think!

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How can we flip the script on what sex and relationships can be?

My guest in this episode is Silva Neves, who is a psychosexual and relationships psychotherapist. Silva sees all sorts of clients with different challenges to do with sex and relationships, so he’s a fascinating person to talk to about free sex. His big idea is that we need to know ourselves without the influences of society.

That’s a hard task, of course! But Silva broke it down for me. We talked about the power of films and stories, the question of what’s ‘natural’ when it comes to sex and relationships, and even how to resist answering the question ‘So when are you going to get married?’

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.