couples in focus

By: Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston
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  • Summary

  • Couples in Focus is a podcast for anyone wanting to improve their relationships. Hosted by Thomas and Michael, two relationship therapists from https://coupletherapy.earth/ and thesecurecouple.com, it offers expert insights, real-world advice, and answers to audience questions. They cover communication, intimacy, trust, and conflict, providing actionable tools and compassionate guidance. Each episode explores relatable challenges and offers practical strategies to help couples strengthen their connection and thrive in their relationships.
    Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston
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Relationships Social Sciences
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Episodes
  • Navigating Sexual Intimacy in Relationships

    Navigating Sexual Intimacy in Relationships
    Feb 19 2025

    Summary

    In this episode of Couples in Focus, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston delve into the often-ignored topic of sexual intimacy in relationships.

    They discuss the challenges couples face regarding sexual connection, the dynamics of emotional intimacy, and the common issues that lead to a sexless marriage.

    The conversation highlights the importance of communication, emotional responsiveness, and understanding the different needs of partners to foster a healthy sexual relationship.

    They explore the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic and how it affects intimacy, offering insights and advice for couples seeking to improve their connection. In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the intricate dynamics of emotional connection and sexual intimacy in relationships.

    They discuss the importance of understanding emotional cues, the role of non-sexual touch, and the impact of attachment injuries on sexual dynamics.

    The conversation emphasizes the need for open communication and curiosity in navigating these complex issues, ultimately aiming to foster a deeper connection between partners.

    To learn more about couple therapy, visit Thomas's Website or his new online relationship course or visit Michael's website.

    Takeaways Sexual intimacy is often a silent issue in relationships. Many couples feel like housemates due to lack of intimacy. A significant percentage of couples live in sexless marriages. Communication is key to addressing sexual issues. Emotional connection can enhance sexual intimacy. Sexuality can change over time in a relationship. The dynamic of pursuer and withdrawer affects intimacy. Small acts of care can reignite sexual desire. Understanding each other's needs is crucial for intimacy. Being present with your partner fosters deeper connections. Emotional cues are crucial for sexual intimacy. Non-sexual touch can help rebuild trust in relationships. Taking sex off the table can alleviate pressure. Understanding attachment injuries is vital for intimacy. Curiosity about your partner's needs enhances connection. Open communication about preferences leads to better sexual experiences. Feeling like you matter is essential for intimacy. Pressure around sex can shut down sexual energy. Building emotional connection can reignite sexual desire. Discussing sexual preferences openly improves satisfaction.

    Chapters


    00:00 Understanding Sexual Intimacy in Relationships

    10:02 The Pursuer-Withdrawer Dynamic

    20:01 Building Emotional Connection for Sexual Engagement

    24:54 Understanding Emotional Cues in Relationships

    33:11 The Importance of Non-Sexual Touch

    39:00 Navigating Attachment Injuries and Sexual Dynamics

    44:37 Curiosity as a Path to Better Intimacy
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    47 mins
  • Falling Back in Love: Is It Possible?

    Falling Back in Love: Is It Possible?
    Feb 12 2025

    Summary


    In this conversation, Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz explore the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on the theme of drifting apart and the hope of reconnecting. They discuss the importance of willingness from both partners, the emotional dynamics at play, and the necessity of safety in love. Through various analogies, including the concept of love as a parachute, they emphasize that while falling back in love is possible, it requires a shift in understanding and approach. In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the dynamics of love and relationships, emphasizing the importance of safety and trust in rekindling emotional connections. They discuss the phases couples go through, including the roommate phase, and the necessity of open communication to address underlying issues. The speakers highlight that while excitement may fade, a deeper love can grow through understanding and positive expectations. They provide insights into how couples can navigate challenges and work towards reconnecting with each other.


    To learn more, visit Thomas's website or Michael's website


    Takeaways


    There is hope for couples who have drifted apart. Willingness from both partners is crucial for reconnection. Emotional availability plays a significant role in relationships. Couples therapy can help navigate the path back to love. Love is built on a foundation of safety, not just intensity. Understanding each partner's perspective is essential. The emotional thermostat can gradually turn down over time. Changing behavior alone won't solve relationship issues. It's important to redefine what love means in a relationship. Love can be likened to skydiving, where safety is key. Intense emotions in relationships can change over time. Safety is crucial for rekindling love. Excitement without safety can lead to dissatisfaction. Couples often enter a 'roommate phase' without realizing it. Addressing the elephant in the room is essential for connection. Positive expectations can transform communication in relationships. Clear communication is kinder than vague messages. Trust is built through consistent actions and responses. Couples can learn to prioritize their relationship amidst life's busyness. Reconnection requires both partners to be willing to engage.


    Chapters


    00:00 Navigating Relationship Drift: Is There Hope?

    03:00 Assessing Willingness: The Key to Reconnection

    05:59 Understanding Emotional Availability and Connection

    10:00 The Path to Falling Back in Love

    14:51 Redefining Love: Safety Over Intensity

    19:51 The Parachute Analogy: Love as Safety

    21:59 The Importance of Safety in Relationships

    27:02 Rekindling Love: Trust and Safety

    32:59 Navigating the Roommate Phase

    39:14 The Path to Reconnection

    44:55 Positive Expectations in Communication
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    47 mins
  • Balancing Needs in Relationships

    Balancing Needs in Relationships
    Feb 5 2025

    Summary


    In this episode of Couples in Focus, Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz explore the complexities of meeting emotional needs in relationships. They discuss the challenges couples face when trying to balance their individual needs, the importance of communication, and the impact of attachment styles on relationship dynamics. The conversation emphasizes the necessity of regular check-ins and understanding each partner's emotional state to foster a healthier relationship. In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of relationship dynamics, focusing on how partners can better understand and meet each other's emotional needs. They discuss the importance of compassionate communication, recognizing imbalances in needs, and addressing cultural narratives that influence household responsibilities. The dialogue emphasizes the necessity of acknowledging each other's strengths and fostering a collaborative environment to enhance relational satisfaction.


    Takeaways


    Couples often feel their partner's needs are being met while their own are not. Understanding different love languages can help couples navigate their needs. It's important to acknowledge the overwhelming demands of modern life on relationships. Regular check-ins can prevent resentment from building up in relationships. Disappointment in relationships can be mitigated by sharing feelings with partners. Attachment styles play a significant role in how partners express and recognize their needs. Avoidant partners may struggle to identify their emotional needs. Communication is key to balancing needs in a relationship. Couples therapy provides a space for both partners to express their perspectives. Managing expectations and prioritizing energy can improve relationship dynamics. Emotional responses are crucial in meeting relationship needs. Practical tasks alone do not fulfill emotional needs. Both partners often feel their needs are unmet. Acknowledging each other's strengths can improve relationships. Compassionate communication is key to resolving conflicts. Cultural narratives can influence household dynamics. It's important to recognize the emotional load in relationships. Conversations about needs should be collaborative, not critical. Awareness of biases can help change relationship dynamics. Progress in communication takes practice and patience.


    Sound Bites


    "You can't drive a car without petrol."

    "Relationships aren't 50-50."

    "We often avoid these conversations."

    "It's really never gonna be enough."

    "How can we utilize each other's strengths?"

    "Awareness allows us to change."


    Chapters


    00:00 Introduction to Couples in Focus

    01:00 Navigating Different Needs in Relationships

    06:00 The Emotional Bank Account and Resource Management

    11:08 The Importance of Communication and Check-Ins

    15:48 Understanding Attachment Styles in Relationships

    21:57 The Challenges of Identifying Needs

    22:39 Navigating Relationship Needs

    26:08 Understanding Imbalances in Needs

    30:00 The Importance of Compassionate Communication

    36:04 Addressing Cultural Narratives in Relationships


    To learn more, visit Thomas's website

    Or Michael's website
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    45 mins

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