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BOMT (The Battery-Operated magic Toupee) cloddingly clomped through “Huh-Um-Duh” the most illiterate dumbed down arse tunnel of the multiverse. The following was written inside the Ignorancy Wave Field of Huh-Um-Duh:

“BOMT go in thing. Go BOMT go. BOMT do farty sound, ha-ha, laff at BOMT pooy smell noise.”

As you listen to the episode, please make allowances that it was produced by people who are dysfunctional illiterates and are SO unsophisticated that most of their day is spent laughing at farts and poos and creating the very things they laugh at. The tragedy of the situation is that the creators have never been to Huh-Um-Duh and have been this way their whole lives on Earth.

The episode begins with help for those who suffer an anus prolapse every time one sneezes, which can become particularly embarrassing during hay fever season.

Having the pronoun “They” or “Vey” has become passé now that you can have your own exclusive, personalised, customised pronoun only at the The Bootibum Personalised Gender and Pronoun Shop.

We feature an exclusive about Brantaslovavich’s most famous comedian and most depressing depressed manic-depressive in Brantaslovavich.

Many people want to make it and don’t make it due to not having THE missing ingredient which is revealed in the latest episode of ‘How To Make It with Eddie ‘Fucking’ Hollywood’.

How did wars such as WW1 and WW2 and the upcoming WW3 get such original and creatives names? Discover the secret at our visit to The War Marketing Office.

We end with the messiest and stickiest sporting event of the decade – the Masturbation Championships.

Welcome/ warning intro

Theme music montage

Sneezing Anus Prolapse - coming attraction

The Bootibum Personalised Gender and Pronoun Shop

Brantaslovavich’s Most Famous Comedian

How To Make It with Eddie ‘Fucking’ Hollywood

(PODCAST PROMO)

War Marketing Office

Masturbation Championships

Closing Credits

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BOMT lands on the planet Attitude

Look buddy - we’ll tell you what this sodding episode of BOMT is about but DON’T ‘F-us-about’, okay!

I apologise. BOMT is visiting the Planet Attitude, a planet which boast the most attitude of any planet in the multiverse and it just got to me… the attitude. And… why the ‘F’ am I having to explain this shit to you? Who the hell do you think you are that… sorry it happened again. The AGF (Attitude Gravitas Force) of the planet deeply affects me.

We recommend that, before listening to this episode, you apologise to those around you in advance because the attitude will get you. And ‘F’ you if you don’t believe me and… sorry.

The episode begins with a warning about the most embarrassing sexual thing that can happen which is even more embarrassing than a limp, tiny, todger… losing control of your bowls during sex.

We then listen to another episode that, coincidentally, gets more complains than any other social media show: ‘Kev’s Complaints’.

Have you ever stepped in doggie poop and ruined your shoes? Well it may be time for you to buy the latest and greatest technological breakthrough: ‘The Turde Shite Detector’, which is SO sophisticated that we use the classy word ‘shite’ instead of the working class ‘shit’.

If you’re a sports fan then you are probably already not familiar at all with the greatest baseball legend in the multiverse: Skinny Stevenson and the tale of the first anal catch.

Finally – a warning about that restaurant that you are about the eat in: This Restaurant Doesn’t Take Shit. For those of you who have eaten in restaurants who take shit – this is what happens when you eat in one that doesn’t.

Welcome/ warning intro

Theme music montage

Losing control of Bowels during Sex

Kev Complains

The Turde Shite detector

(PODCAST PROMO)

The Sports Legend of Skinny Stevenson

This Restaurant Doesn’t Take Shit

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8 May 2024

On our premier, very first, episode: BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) transmits from the multiverse: ‘Douche Colossus’, known as the most self-centred ‘me-verse’ of the multiverse.

If you’re listening from Douche Colossus, please reframe from writing love poems to yourself for a moment and listen to the first sketch which asks the critical existential question, “Are you a douche?” And, if you are, do you know which part of the body you should be cleaning?

Strap yourself in for another thrilling adventure of ‘Frank Schwab: School detective’. This week feckless Frank solves the stench infested mystery of the heinous, overpowering, pants pooper.

And, if you think the humour can’t get any lower, next is everyone’s favourite sexual do-it-yourself programme: Practical Sexuality, where you will learn what you can and cannot fit inside you and where in your body you should never stick it.

Humble yourself to the film bio of the most amazing, important, human on the face of the Earth, the man Jesus, God, and all 33 million deities of Hinduism aspire to be like: The Leonard Q. Banglebaum Jr Story.

We conclude our journey to this multiverse with the most pressing issue that threatens extension of our species: the natural gas that the human-ish body expels every moment, is killing our planet, and making a journeys in a sealed elevator unbreathable. We follow the heroic anti-flatulence fascist ‘Just Stop Gas’ complainers/campaigners as they demonstrate why you shouldn’t glue your penis to priceless paintings in protest and how to clench, hold in your natural body gas, and save the planet.

Visit our Patreon page for membership:

patreon.com/BOMT_Podcast

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There is really not much we can say as the Battery Operated Toupee unmotivatingly visits the most uninspired dimension in the multiverse. TV ads drone the message, “Are you feeling inspired and lit up – well we now have something to cure that.” We’d like to write more about this episode and dimension – but why bother. It wont make much difference, will not REALLY be funny and I’m about to yawn and will need to take my fingers off the keyboard and cover my moth.

The episode insipidly begins with asking the universal philosophical question of our age, “Are you a weird fucking asshole?” The answer will not astonish you.

Gerold presents the next episode of “Fitting In “, how to fin it in any situation at any time regardless of whether you fit in or not.

For all you politically correct geniuses: Politically Correct Science and Mathematics uses science and mathematics to finally work out how many genders there are and how science throughout the ages has been forwarded by the sexual desires of scientists.

Finally – the Sound Behind brings its revolutionary AI technology to the 1972 Academy Awards and overhear the conversation between the z-list film maker Felton Oleary, creator or the never produced never-seller “Filthy Frank” and his producer,

BOMT (The Battery-Operated magic Toupee)

Welcome/ warning intro

Theme music montage

Are you a weird fucking asshole?

Fitting In

Politically Correct Science and Mathematics

{PODCAST PROMO)

The Sound Behind: Academy Awards and Filthy Frank

Closing Credits

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BOMT (The Battery-Operated magic Toupee) wholeheartedly daytripped through the most sincere apology for a planet in the multiverse: planet Grovel. As it passed through the unfeigned, thick, clouds of smoke blowing up the arses of its inhabitants, BOMT apologised so sincerely that it’s metallic nose turned brown. BOMT humbly apologised without reserve for whatever anyone thought it should be ashamed of and grovelled for forgiveness for anything it could possibly be forgiven for in the entire multiverse.

And as you are about to play this latest episode of The Battery-Operated Magic-Toupee: The Podcast, the producers humbly apologise for all the offense that the comedy may cause and all of the food that is about to be violently undigested.

We first offer advise for anyone who has been blinded in a hot waxing incident caused by a beautician waxing your private with uncontrollable breezy flatulence.

Next, we visit the Woke Entertainment Network for another edition of Me And My Pronoun where we meet Sherman Ledbecker, who chooses not to identify as man or woman but identifies as God. We answer the question: Which restroom should God use?

From woke to cancel – we go to Hate Talk radio as Hate Talk’s usual shit-stirring king of insult shock jock Brian Hate is replaced this week by an out of his depth Matt Monroe from the Transformation and Empowerment With Matt Show.

Hitler Unknow covers Hitler’s song and dance years as young Hitler tries and fails as a cabaret entertainer, including his stint as tubist in the garage polka band The Schweinhund Four.

Instagram sensation The Prat Prankster is back pulling a ‘hum-dinger’ of a prank. He discovers that swat teams have no sense of humour as he suffers the consequences of his gag, prank bank robbery.

And finally – discover great lost accounts of biblical history as we translate The recently discovered “Glickman Texts” and discover Noah’s real, unnatural, affinity for animals on his floating nookie- shack ark.

Welcome/ warning intro

Theme music montage

Hot Wax Accident - coming attraction

The Woke Entertainment network – God Pronoun

Hate Talk Radio – Matt Monroe stand-in

Hitler unknown Pt 3 – The Song And Dance years

(PODCAST PROMO)

The Prat Prankster: Bank Robbery Prank

The LOST Glickman Texts: Noah’s Ark

Closing Credits

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Our special 10th episode (which is significant for coming after episode 9 and before 11) has BOMT (The Battery Operated Magic Toupee) in a sombre and depressed mood as the existence of the podcast series lowers the quality of life and creates a stink throughout all known multiverses, thorough out all times and all different planes of existence known and unknown. And if you think this is bad, wait till episode 11 of this podcast launches.

First we explore the joys of cooking porridge in your pants and the sensation of oatmeal oozing of your crack (or cracks pending your gender).

After you clean the porridge off your privates, get ready to stimulate yourself to Erotic Furniture Repair and see which way the wing nut screws.

When you go to a concert or presentation do you applaud politely as the person walks out on stage to perform their bit? Your politeness could trigger WW3 so heed our warning: “Don’t Applaud When Someone Comes on Stage”.

We revisit Sammy The Toothpick as he condenses another classics: “Brokeback Mountain”. Sammy warns us over the dangers of cowboys fucking each other instead of the cattle.

Next – the wonder jism of the decade, remain youthful forever with the miracle of “Sheldon Quimm’s Spunk”.

“Life Beyond – Tales Of People Who Returned From The Other Side” answers the most sort after esoteric question of the cosmos: “Can you have a wank in heaven? “

Finally, in “Poking Fun at Sacred Cows”- we acknowledge that we have crossed a line. We are ashamed, we should be cancelled, deleted and… hell: we should be executed and our diseased heads impaired on stakes of shame for all the public to urinate upon. We urge you, for the sake of your sanity and what little self-respect you have: DO NOT listen to this final sketch.

Welcome/ warning intro

Theme music montage

Porridge In Your Pants

Erotic Furniture Repair

Don’t Applaud When Someone Comes on Stage

Sammy The Toothpick’s Condensed classics: Brokeback Mountain

Sheldon Quimm’s Spunk

{PODCAST PROMO)

Life Beyond – Tales Of People Who Returned From The Other Side

Poking Fun At Sacred Cows

Closing Credits

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BOMT (The Battery Operated Magic Toupee) crashs on the planet KraꟇאּﬣnsmÆotdenݗnvgtgtmbargfgHdenᵹ₠∏shart, a planet where it’s inhabitants, from the age of 4 till age 75, go to school in order to learn the correct pronunciation of the planet’s name. No-one ever graduates and there is no need for any degrees to be printed.

We get an exciting preview of the most inclusive and diverse film in history: The Abraham Lincoln Story, where the first black Lincoln frees himself.

We visit a Cultural Censor Linguist and learn that everything and anything that was, is, and ever will be is racist. Including you.
Next beware of tourists in restaurants. If you’re a tourist, and if you’re in OUR restaurant, get the fuck out of here because we listened to this warning and we’re bewaring of tourists in restaurants.

Finally, did you know that the history of WW2 was all about Hitler’s struggle with his chronic masturbation addiction? In this episode of Hitler Unknown, we learn the history of the NAZI invasion of Europe through the split splooge sludge of the Fuhrer’s fiddled flugelshmong.

Welcome/ warning intro
Theme music montage
The Abraham Lincoln Story
Beware Tourists in restaurants
{PODCAST PROMO)
Hitler unknown Pt 5 – Chronic masturbation
Closing Credits

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BOMT (The Battery Operated Magic Toupee) effortlessly glided into “Gotit 5”, an empowering world of positivity and unrivalled cuteness, a world where political correctness and diversity, equity and inclusion is woven into the fibre of every being’s DNA.

BOMT reacted by vomiting a bathtub full of rotted raw fish guts and immediately escaped to planet “Steaming Pigshit”, named due to everything and everyone being made from putrid hot and sweltering pig shit. The smell of decaying swine poop succeeded in clearing the air of positivity from BOMT’s lung-like things.

Many of you desire their own arse monkey but doesn’t know how to where to get one. Now – YOU can grow your own arse monkey, even if you don’t think you have the arse for it.

Changing your sex can be an expensive thing, even more expensive if you decide to change back. You can now join the all new Penis and Vagina Co-op.

We review the most exciting theatrical event of the decade. Well, not really the decade: The year. Not really the year: The week. OK, not year: the day. The hour? Ok – The minute! We review: Bill Hovis: Accountant.

Sammy The Toothpick’s returns for another round of “Condensed Classics” and looks at the film classic “Last Tango In Paris” and loses his lunch over Marlon Brando naked.

The writers had difficulty writing the next sketch and edited in a commercial for “The Writer’s Block Institute” instead.

In the next episode of “Hitler unknown Pt 4” we reveal a little known artifact of history: “Papa Hitler’s Irritable Bowel Cabaret”, the inside story of Hitler’s father singing and tap dancing bowel who could get irritated by the small things on life.

We end with the latest hit game show on The Lowest Common Denominator Network: Guess What I Had for My Dinner

Welcome/ warning intro

Theme music montage

How To Grow Your Own Arse Monkey- coming attraction

The Penis and Vagina Co-op

Bill Hovis: Accountant

Sammy The Toothpick’s Condensed classics: Last Tango In Paris

{PODCAST PROMO)

The Writer’s Block Institute

Hitler unknown Pt 4 – Papa Hitler’s Irritable Bowel Cabaret

The Lowest Common Denominator Network: Guess What I Had for My Dinner

Closing Credits