Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups

By: A.J. Mahari
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  • Summary

  • A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 34 years experience working with those surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner Child Healing, Family of Origin and Self Differentiation, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and much more.
    A.J. Mahari
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Episodes
  • BPD NPD Who is The Person Behind The Idealization & Love Bombing?

    BPD NPD Who is The Person Behind The Idealization & Love Bombing?
    Aug 25 2024
    BPD NPD Who is The Person Behind The Idealization & Love Bombing?

    So many people who have been in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD with Co-Morbid Narcissistic Personality Disorder are caught in a trauma bond ruminating and trying to figure out who is the person behind the idealization and love bombing when there isn't a "real person" inside at all, only a false self.

    The intermittent reinforcement within the trauma bond with someone with BPD or BPD/NPD keeps Codependents stuck in circles of (often misinformation) trying to give their own explanations or
    offer up erroneous ones or misinterpretations taken from perhaps listening to or reading too many contradictory sources online.

    The person you fell in love with doesn't exist. The person behind the idealization and the love bombing is the false self that protects the lost self in Borderlines and Narcissists.

    https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
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    23 mins
  • BPD Breakup or Discard Identify Your Codependent Part of The Dynamic To Heal

    BPD Breakup or Discard Identify Your Codependent Part of The Dynamic To Heal
    Aug 8 2024
    BPD Breakup or Discard Identify Your Codependent Part of The Dynamic To Heal

    BPD Breakup or discard is so painful and so confusing for so many people
    who have, but may not realize it, Codependency. Getting into therapy and
    going no contact is the way to identify your codependent part in the dynamic
    and to heal. Choose to no longer stay stuck in excessive obsessive focus on
    the Borderline and what they did, why they did it because that focus will
    keep the trauma bond in tact. You need to break that betrayal bond in order
    to heal.

    https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
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    47 mins
  • Quiet Borderline Inner Persecution and Codependent Reactionary Projection

    Quiet Borderline Inner Persecution and Codependent Reactionary Projection
    Aug 4 2024
    Quiet Borderline Inner Persecution and Codependent Reactionary Projection

    People who are Quiet Borderlines, the Discouraged sub-type of BPD, when triggered
    have a fawn/freeze response. They withdraw. You can't pull words out of them. They
    don't hear you. They may take space, or ghost you in a patterned way, and you don't
    get it. You are trying to understand what the quiet borderline is doing. Many with
    Codependency think that it is the Quiet Borderline creating conflict when very often
    that's not the case. They are re-experiencing "lack of self" as the introjected
    persecutory object they were to a parent. People with Codependency need to understand
    your (often unconscious) reactionary projection about a significant part of the conflict
    that you experience and think is all coming from the person with Quiet BPD. Codependents
    will benefit from stopping their own repetition compulsion of pursuit of a Quiet Borderline
    who is deep inside re-experiencing inner persecution - they take on the role of the
    wounding parent or parents and that's not seeking conflict or any type of fight/flight.

    https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
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    36 mins
Psychology Social Sciences Personal Success Relationships Hygiene & Healthy Living
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Profile Image for Mr swaff

maybe not for you?

as the comment currently shown when scrolling past this podcast claims heartbreak from the way bpd is discussed, perhaps you are experiencing emotional pain from realizing that you're kind of a terrible person when going through the described cycles of behavior? If so instead of being heartbroken go to therapy and stop propagating these, basically true and honest, perceptions of those people interacting with those with the diagnosis.
use this as a test. remove the label, it doesn't matter what but in this case dbt I think. now it's just a person that will engage another individual, happily establish what appears to be a healthy relationship, and then suddenly act as if their former partner is the source of all their problems and refuse to ever talk to them again never saying why.
when anyone else in the world behaves like that they are called many things, and really, none flattering. BUT! just like the podcast says (if you listen and attempt to improve your life and thus those who try to love you rather than go straight to uhh heartbreak) going to therapy can help and one day you'll be able to be with someone without the inevitable dumpster fire that always happens. and it's not the fault of everyone else in the world, it's definitely the person with the matches and dumpster.
go. to. therapy.

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Profile Image for Leah C

Unbelievably Negative

This is the worst podcast series ever! The speaker is extremely negative and demeaning towards BPD. I cant help but to feel discouraged, unworthy and hopeless by this series! Completely heartbreaking.

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A bitter rant about a misunderstood group

As the spouse of someone with BPD, I am well aware of the heartache and frustration that can be caused by those with BPD. However, this podcast is simply someone ranting about their negative experiences with BPD individuals, by someone who has not bothered to take the time to try to understand individuals who suffer from this diagnosis. Despite their challenges and inappropriate behaviors, individuals with BPD can also be creative, loving, insightful, and fun to be around. I will not pretend that dealing with BPD individuals is always easy, but the black & white/good & evil view of of this disorder voiced in this podcast is simply ignorant & inaccurate.

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Absolutely Inaccurate

It's people like her that give BPD a stigma. As a person diagnosed with BPD, I can tell you that this doctor is trying to sway the perception of people diagnosed with BPD in a bad light. We do know how to have a successful intimate relationship. We know who we are and our worth. So trying to be heard and understood is not us, projecting it onto our partner, rather its us trying to have healthy communication addressing normal needs and concerns within the relationship. Is it for fear of abandonment or fear of losing the relationship? Yes, absolutely. it's called trying to find a resolution to everyday relationship problems. Something healthy relationships require. So quit trying to make it something it is not. We are not dramatic. It may seem that way when the other party refuses to contribute to coming to a mutual understanding on what is borderlines are trying to address. and not all of us are violent or give the silent treatment. Some just want to be heard and understood. To feel validated. Like any human being. I would appreciate it if you did not portray us as unstable people incapable of having good relationships.

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Profile Image for sonora

Thank You

Thank you for your well informed and truthful discussions . I listen to all of your videos . This has helped keep me together as I try to not reverse hover my ex. He told me he would marry me 5 times always coming up with excuses and empty promises. It was my responsibility to not continually enable or stay sitting in this mistreatment. We have the power to value ourselves and take back our lives

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Profile Image for Dylan Newsome

So helpful

AJ has been through it and really understands the pain and confusion one experiences in a relationship with pwbpd. Her advice is spot on with no unnecessary fluff and has helped keep me grounded. She definitely keeps it real.

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