Parents, what scoreboard are you using to measure your teen's success—and is it hurting more than helping? And, what scoreboard are they using to measure success—and is it creating momentum or stress in their lives?

Do you ever wonder if your teen is chasing results just to keep you happy—or worse, to feel worthy? We’re digging into that "silent contract" so many families carry without talking about it. You’ll walk away with tools to separate your teen’s performance from their identity, and strategies for helping them craft a scoreboard that reflects who they really want to become.

Find the Stuff You Want!

00:00 Defining Success: Momentum vs. Stress

01:59 Reflective Questions for Parents

06:01 Understanding Silent Contracts in Success

09:59 The Importance of Identity in Success

13:54 Different Scoreboards: Aligning Definitions of Success

19:59 Opportunities in Meltdowns: Growth Mindset

23:56 The Scoreboard Course--Creating Your Own Scoreboard for Success

The Takeaways!

-The way we define success can create momentum or stress.

-Reflective questions help parents understand their own definition of success.

-"Silent contracts" can exist in relationships without being discussed.

-It's crucial for teens to separate their identity from their performance.

-Parents should encourage their kids to define success for themselves.

-Meltdowns can be opportunities for growth and understanding.

-Creating a personal scoreboard helps measure success in a meaningful way.

-Chasing results can lead to dissatisfaction and a never-ending pursuit.

Hey there Most Valuable Parents! We are creating a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We'd be even more grateful (if that's possible) if you would like, review, comment or SHARE an episode wherever you find us. This helps us to become more visible to other Most Valuable Parents like yourselves--thank you!

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Well, we do too and that’s why we’re creating parent, uh coaching tools/courses/coaching at createtransformbecome.com. Check it out where you can pick up our 100% Free QOC Tool for parents (The Question Only Conversation!).

-Nate & Steve

Parenting teens isn’t about talking more — it’s about asking better. Discover the Question Only Tool today. Every parent wants their teen to succeed. But success doesn’t come from micromanaging — it comes from ownership. In this episode, we show you how to use The Question Only Conversation to guide your teen toward greater autonomy, confidence, and motivation — all while strengthening your bond.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Teen Wisdom

03:51 The Shift from Parenting to Coaching

07:55 Empowering Teens Through Questions

10:02 The Power of Inquiry-Based Conversations

11:53 Real-Life Examples: Jason's Track Success

15:01 Maya's Dance Audition Journey

17:58 Lessons from Phil Jackson's Coaching Style

20:58 Implementing The Question Only Conversation (QOC)

Gold Nuggets

-Teens often possess wisdom that parents may overlook.

-Shifting from parenting to coaching can enhance relationships.

-Asking questions can empower teens to express their thoughts.

-Unsolicited advice can hinder a teen's sense of autonomy.

-Question Only Conversation is a powerful tool for parents.

-Building a relationship based on respect leads to better communication.

-Teens need to feel ownership of their successes.

-Self-determination theory emphasizes autonomy, mastery, and connection.

-Effective communication can prevent breakdowns in relationships.

-Parents should act as mirrors to help teens process their experiences.

Hey there Most Valuable Parents! We are creating a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We'd be even more grateful if you would like, review, or comment or SHARE an episode from any of the platforms where you find us. This helps us to become more visible to other Most Valuable Parents--thank you!

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Well, we do too and that’s why we’re creating parent, uh coaching tools/courses/coaching at createtransformbecome.com. Check it out where you can pick up our 100% Free QOC Tool for parents (The Question Only Conversation!).

-Nate & Steve

"Parenting is the hardest job, and there's not a close second!" Parents--we see you and we know that quote by our very own (Nate Crandall) is true as the ocean is blue. And that is exactly why we started this podcast back in the summer of 2023. We've been here every Monday for 93 weeks discussing a perspective shift and approach that helps parents to begin coaching their athletes and performers. That crucial shift requires that your communication and connection with your teens is taken to a higher level. You can do this and we're here to help!

We're very excited to announce that we are ramping up our efforts to help you to stop parenting and start coaching. And our efforts will be seen in our every improving website, our creation of new tools and courses, our fully functional and growing YouTube channel, and our customized coaching offerings.

Thanks for helping us grow!

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Hey there Very Important Parents! We are striving to create a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers that is available for watching and listening on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our Podcast's YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We'd be even more grateful (if that's possible) if you would like, review, or comment on any of the platforms where you find us. This helps us to become more visible to other Most Valuable Parents--thank you!

And...if you really love the show, we would be so grateful if you would SHARE an episode or two with another parent of a teen athlete or performer.

And as always, moms and dads, we're cheering you on as you Stop Parenting & Start Coaching!

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Well, we do too and that’s why we’re creating parent, uh coaching, tools/courses/coaching at createtransformbecome.com. Check it out where you can pick up our 100% Free QOC Tool for parents (The Question Only Conversation!).

-Nate & Steve

Hey parents—what if the greatest measure of your teen's success wasn’t how many points they scored, solos they nailed, or trophies they earned... but how they made everyone around them better? In this episode, we unpack the powerful concept of becoming a multiplier, and why it might be the secret ingredient your teen is missing.

The Timestamps

00:00 The Concept of Win-Win-Win & Being a Multiplier

02:50 The Ripple Effect in Team Dynamics

05:33 The Power of Multipliers in Sports

08:39 Lessons from Larry Bird and Magic Johnson

11:08 The Role of Parents in Fostering Multipliers

13:56 Real-World Examples of Multipliers

16:41 Encouraging a Multiplier Mindset in Kids

19:39 The Distinction Between MOP and MVP

22:27 Closing Thoughts on Multipliers and Impact

Takeaways

-The concept of 'win-win-win' extends beyond traditional win-win scenarios.

-Larry Bird and Magic Johnson were masters at making their teammates better.

-Cooper Flagg exemplifies the multiplier effect in sports.

-True competition is about elevating everyone's performance.

-Multipliers create a ripple effect that benefits all involved.

-Parents should model multiplier behavior for their children.

-Asking the right questions can help children recognize their impact on others.

-Identifying multipliers in various fields can inspire kids.

-The distinction between MVP and MOP highlights the value of impact over individual accolades.

-Encouraging a multiplier mindset leads to greater joy and success in teams.

Hey there Very Important Parents! We are striving to create a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers that is available for watching and listening on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our Podcast's YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We'd be even more grateful (if that's possible) if you would like, review, or comment on any of the platforms where you find us. This helps us to become more visible to other Most Valuable Parents--thank you!

And...if you really love the show, we would be so grateful if you would SHARE an episode or two with another parent of a teen athlete or performer.

And as always, moms and dads, we're cheering you on as you Stop Parenting & Start Coaching!

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Well, we do too and that’s why we’re creating parent, uh coaching, tools/courses/coaching at createtransformbecome.com. Check it out where you can pick up our 100% Free QOC Tool for parents (The Question Only Conversation!).

-Nate & Steve

Are you the parent every coach dreads…or the one they trust? Learn how to have the team's back...in the right way. Parents: if your teen is competing at a high level, your support (or lack of) can either elevate the entire team or silently sabotage it. In this episode, Nate and Steve go deep on how to be a Team First Parent—the kind of presence every coach dreams of having support the team or performance group. You’ll walk away with real, actionable ways to help the program thrive—without crossing any lines.

The Timestamps!

00:00 The Importance of Being a Team First Parent

02:32 Navigating Parental Involvement for Your Teen's Team

05:32 The Motives Behind Parental Support

08:14 The Role of Parents in Team Dynamics

11:10 Balancing Team Support and Independence for Your Teen

13:59 Identifying Common Parental Pitfalls

16:54 The Ideal Team First Parent

19:50 Conclusion: Supporting Your Child's Journey

The BIG Takeaways

• Being a Team First Parent is crucial for youth development.
• Winning culture starts at home!
• Parents should support without overstepping their bounds.
• Clarity in motives is essential for effective parental involvement.
• The team belongs to the players and coaches, not the parents.
• Presence at events is important for children's morale.
• Avoid being the overbearing parent or the absentee one.
• Support the program as a whole!
• Consistent, appropriate parental support builds trust within the team.

Hey there Very Important Parents! We are striving to create a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers that is available for watching and listening on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our Podcast's YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We'd be even more grateful (if that's possible) if you would like, review, or comment on any of the platforms where you find us. This helps us to become more visible to other Most Valuable Parents--thank you!

And...if you really love the show, we would be so grateful if you would SHARE an episode or two with another parent of a teen athlete or performer.

And as always, moms and dads, we're cheering you on as you Stop Parenting & Start Coaching!

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Well, we do too and that’s why we’re creating parent, uh coaching, tools/courses/coaching at createtransformbecome.com. Check it out where you can pick up our 100% Free QOC Tool for parents (The Question Only Conversation!).

-Nate & Steve

Balancing parent and coach roles? Avoid the "Daddy ball" trap and create real success! Coaching your own kid can be both rewarding and challenging. You want to see them succeed, but how do you stay fair? Avoiding favoritism—or the appearance of it—is tough, and the "Daddy ball" label can quickly damage trust. In this episode, we break down how to lead with integrity, balance your roles, and create a positive experience for every player on the team. Take the "Daddy (and Mommy) ball" dive with us today! Let's go parents, let's get better so our teen athletes and performers can thrive!

The Timestamps!

00:00 The Daddy Ball Dilemma

02:01 Coaching Your Own Kids: A Unique Challenge

07:43 Balancing Coaching and Parenting

14:25 Setting Expectations and Boundaries

Takeaways

• 'Daddy ball' can create emotional conflicts in sports.
• Coaching your own kids is emotionally challenging.
• It's tough to separate being a parent from being a coach.
• Balancing fairness and favoritism is crucial.
• Open communication is key to successful Mom & Dad coaching.
• Coaching should focus on the child's experience.
• Finding joy in sports for our teens is the ultimate goal.

Hey there Very Important Parents! We are striving to create a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers that is available for watching and listening on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our Podcast's YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We'd be even more grateful (if that's possible) if you would like, review, or comment on any of the platforms where you find us. This helps us to become more visible to other Most Valuable Parents--thank you!

And...if you really love the show, we would be so grateful if you would SHARE an episode or two with another parent of a teen athlete or performer.

And as always, moms and dads, we're cheering you on as you Stop Parenting & Start Coaching!

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Well, we do too and that’s why we’re creating parent, uh coaching, tools/courses/coaching at createtransformbecome.com. Check it out where you can pick up our 100% Free QOC Tool for parents (The Question Only Conversation!).

-Nate & Steve

Does your teen shut down when you encourage them? Avoid toxic positivity and find the ‘sweet spot’ of support. Sooo, your amazing teen athlete or performer just had an "Oops!" They bombed an audition, missed the game-winning shot, or flubbed a major performance. Of course you want to lift them up, but how? If you get this wrong, you risk losing credibility—or worse, making them feel dismissed. So, let's get it right.

Join us as we dive head first into how leaving Parent Mode and entering Coach Mode can help you deliver the neutral encouragement that is genuine and steers clear of toxic positivity. As the kids like to say, "let's get real!"

Get to Your Stuff

00:00 Teaser: What If This Backfires?

02:26 The Risks of Encouragement: Pressure and Toxic Positivity

06:57 Navigating Emotions: Parent Mode to Coach Mode

10:16 Real-Life Scenarios: The "Failure"

14:30 Zip it and Listen: Processing Emotions Together

22:02 Creation Corner: The QOC Tool and a Parent Invitation

The Gold Nuggets

• Encouragement can create unnecessary pressure on your teen athlete/performer.
• Toxic positivity can destroy credibility.
• Emotions should be viewed as neutral, not positive or negative.
• Assuming you know how they feel after "failure" can be a losing game!
• Listening is more effective than giving advice.
• Open communication fosters emotional processing.
• Tools like the QOC can transform your parent/teen relationship.

Hey there Very Important Parents! We are striving to create a world-class podcast for parents of teen athletes and performers that is available for watching and listening on YouTube. We can also be found on the other usual places you get your podcasts like Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

New episodes drop every MONDAY.

We would be most grateful if you would SUBSCRIBE to our Podcast's YouTube channel where our unique show for parents of teen athletes and performers resides. The name of our podcast is the same name as our YouTube channel: The STOP PARENTING & START COACHING Podcast!

We'd be even more grateful (if that's possible) if you would like, review, or comment on any of the platforms where you find us. This helps us to become more visible to other Most Valuable Parents--thank you!

And...if you really love the show, we would be so grateful if you would SHARE an episode or two with another parent of a teen athlete or performer.

And as always, moms and dads, we're cheering you on as you Stop Parenting & Start Coaching!

And, there’s more–there always isn't there?! If you’ve read this far you probably are totally nerdy and giddy about helping teen athletes and performers to excel. Well, we do too and that’s why we’re creating parent, uh coaching, tools/courses/coaching at createtransformbecome.com. Check it out where you can pick up our 100% Free QOC Tool for parents (The Question Only Conversation!).

-Nate & Steve

Parents, how do your teens view practice? Is it a chore, an obligation, or a chance to improve? In this episode, we break down why practice isn’t just about showing up—it’s about showing up with the right mindset and appropriate rules. Using some humorous insights from the unlikely combo of Allen Iverson and Ted Lasso, we explore how values and rules shape your teen’s approach to practice and how you, as a parent, play a critical role in that process.

This episode, #88 is the last in the Values Need Rules and Rules Need Values Series. Episode 84 sets the table and 85 (Homework), 86 (Teen Parties), & 87 (Social Media) get very specific. Enjoy!

The Juicy Timestamps!

00:00 The "Practice Debate" with Allen Iverson and Ted Lasso :)

04:10 Values and Rules in the context of "Practice"

09:19 The Importance of Practice: Perspectives and Insights

14:04 Deep Practice: Quality Over Quantity

18:26 Modeling Practice: The Parent's Role

The Keepers!

• Values and rules are interconnected in the context of practice.
• Parents need to communicate the value of practice without being preachy.
• Deep practice is more effective than long, distracted practice sessions.
• Investing time in practice yields long-term benefits, akin to sweat equity.
• Celebrating small wins in practice can enhance motivation for teens.
• The perspective of practice as a privilege can change your performer's attitude.
• Modeling good work habits as parents influences teen's views on practice.
• Everything we do is training for something, shaping our future performance.

Hey, amazing parents! 👋 We’re here to support you on this journey of raising teen athletes and performers with a podcast that truly speaks to YOU. Every Monday, we bring you fresh insights, coaching strategies, and real talk—available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify!

❤️ We’d love your support! Please? Thank you!

📌 SUBSCRIBE to our growing YouTube channel—it makes a huge difference in getting this out to other parents!

📌 SHARE an episode with a fellow parent whom you love.

📌 MAKE A COMMENT or LEAVE A QUESTION—your feedback and input helps us keep improving!

Oh, and if you’ve made it this far, you’re our kind of parent—one who loves to see their teen thrive. That’s why we’ve created coaching tools & courses just for you at createtransformbecome.com.

Grab your FREE QOC Tool (Question-Only Conversation) and start transforming your approach today! Let’s do this together! 🙌

Credit to David Stauffer for the Allen Iverson/Ted Lasso Mashup.