Communications Podcast

0:00 MUSIC

0:07 ANNMARIE MCMAHILL:

Hello, I'm Annmarie McMahill and this is a Tools for Your Child’s Success podcast.

In this podcast we'll be learning about intentional communication. I'd like to introduce our guest for today's podcast, Dr. Kari Finley. Dr. Finley is a licensed clinical social worker who has over a decade of experience working with individuals and families in rural communities. Now, Dr. Finley's a research scholar at Montana State University where her primary research interests are on understanding and creating behavior change, preventing the misuse of substances, and child wellbeing. Kari's a contributing author to many of the tools and resources found on the website. She's also the mom of an eight year old.

So welcome, Kari. Thanks for being here today.

DR. KARI FINLEY:

Hi, thank you. Thanks for having me.

ANNMARIE MCMAHILL:

All right. So we're gonna get started today by having you explain a little bit about what is meant by intentional communication.

DR. KARI FINLEY:

Intentional communication is really talking, listening and spending time to really understand your child's point of view.Intentional communication really is about intentionality where you come into the conversation in a different way. You're really trying to engage with your child and understand your child's point of view. As parents, we are working all the time to build our children's skills. And intentional communication is a way that we can build their social/emotional skills and, at the same time, build the relationship that we have with them.

ANNMARIE MCMAHILL:

So there's a difference, it sounds like, between talking with your child and not at your child. I know, um, that can be a bit different. I- I think I, I strive for talking with my child. But sometimes it comes out like I am- I'm talking at my child.

DR. KARI FINLEY:

I think with intentional communication you're really creating opportunities where you and your child can listen to each other and understand what the other person or what your child is feeling, as well as what they want and what they need. I think it's also about modeling. It's modeling a way of communicating that really focuses on the relationship you have with them.

ANNMARIE MCMAHILL:

There are times, I think, that a parent needs to just talk, I guess, at their child, be more direct and, you know, not engage in a conversation. So you are- you are not saying that this is, like, a way of talking all the time, right? There's times where you still need to be super direct with your kids.

DR. KARI FINLEY:

So yes. Absolutely. If their hand is gonna touch a hot stove or you need to stop them from crossing a street without looking, for the most part, intentional communication really focuses on your relationship. But in these instances where they're gonna touch the hot stove or, or cross the street, your focus really is on their safety.

ANNMARIE MCMAHILL:

I feel like I'm in that groove of, of being really intentional in my communication, but for example, this morning, um, when I think I tripped on my daughter's shoes for, like, the 10th time this week, I was frustrated. So are you- I want to be direct in that case. But you are saying that this is a time for being more intentional in the way that I talk with her.

DR. KARI FINLEY:

You know, I wouldn't want to engage when you're frustrated and you've just tripped over her shoes. Um, you might need some time first. And then to come back when you both would feel calm and ready to talk. But using intentional communication to have a conversation about her shoes is a great example.

ANNMARIE MCMAHILL:

All right. So help me understand why. Um, because I think, you know, parenting can be difficult. Um, and we have a lot to think...