We are so grateful to Brian Lee, founder and director of Broken to Beloved, for his time and energy in raising his voice in support of those who have been violated by clergy abuse in all its forms. Brian shares his journey of identifying, naming, and recovering from spiritual abuse in a church system and provides several insights and suggestions for those on their own healing journey.

Discover what Brian is up to at Broken to Beloved and access resources Brian has cultivated and developed to support people recovering from spiritual abuse: https://www.brokentobeloved.org/
https://www.instagram.com/brokentobeloved/

Check out these books recommended by Brian:

Try Softer by Aundi Kolber

A Church Called Tov by Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer

The Under Story by Lore Ferguson Wilbert

I Shouldn’t Feel This Way by Alison Cook

Redeeming Power by Diane Langberg

Thank you so much for joining this conversation. Nancy Hicks shares from her heart, as well as from her lived experience with grief and loss, her theological education and training, and her personal and prophetic voice for change in the church and the wider world.

We thank Nancy for demonstrating courage and modeling healthy vulnerability as she shares stories of loss related to the death of her beloved son and the clergy sexual violation of one of her children. She also guides us through the ‘way back’ from the depths of despair towards a growing peace and confidence in her relationship with God and others and her roles as a speaker, communication coach and media spokesperson.

Discover more about Nancy and her work at https://www.nancyhickscommunication.com/

Check out her book Meant to Live: Living in Light of the Good News. https://www.nancyhickscommunication.com/resources

Thank you for joining us and tracking with this conversation describing ten ways to engage with someone who has been sexually violated in a religious setting:

6. Be intentional in your language: there are linguistic religious and spiritual constructs that actually harm the person who had been violated. Including but not limited to telling them you are praying for them, encouraging them to read Scripture, giving them notes with Scripture; sharing visions you had of them or for them etc., telling them to forgive their abuser, encouraging them to have more faith, questioning their ‘level’ of spirituality, and generally weaponizing spiritual dogma and practices. For more information on this topic, listen to the HV Podcast Season 2, Episode 6 with Danielle Tumminio-Hansen here:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1979877?client_source=large_player&iframe=true&referrer=https:
//www.buzzsprout.com/1979877.js?container_id=buzzsprout-large-player&player=large#
7. Empower them: keep consent at the forefront and meet the person who has been victimized where they are don’t pull them to where you think they should be or where you want them to be. Match their pacing and do your work on your own if you struggle to slow down to meet them. NOTE: this includes not pressuring them to disclose on your timeline or the church’s timeline and possibly supporting their decision to not disclose at all
Key themes – autonomy and dignity
8. Engage through a trauma informed lens: Your behaviours and words should be vetted
through the lens of safety, collaboration, empowerment, trustworthiness & transparency, peer support, and cultural safety. Elaborate on these and help listeners get a sense of what the would look like in behaviour.
9. Refer and defer to professionals: do not stretch beyond your scope as it can and likely will do more harm than good. Know what resources are available while also not pressuring the survivor to engage until they are ready. Simply say, “I don’t know but I can find out.” when you don’t know the answer. Stay engaged as long as they need to or as long as it is healthy for you to do so and rally a team of people to support you as you support them.
10.Do not position those who have been victimized as the educator or expert: Don’t put the burden on them to educate you or anyone else and don’t wait around or expect them to let you know how to be helpful. Do not say “Let me know what I can do…”