This week Jackie lets MJ and Holden know no one can break her stride, despite the fact that People Magazine thinks it's 2007 by making John Krasinski the Sexist Man Alive, Holden gives a brief rundown of Noor Alfallah and her habit of bonin' men so old they could turn to dust at any moment, Jackie decided to spread the sadness of the Golden Bachelorette far and wide by forcing everyone to read an article about how lonely seniors are now, Mariah has to listen to her own music to bang, and Carey is on her Christmas tour and her kids are intermission performers, so it's a fully Careymerssive event! There was a Dev Patel lookalike contest, but he didn't show up like thimethee did, Jackie has begun the ritual and crafted her first Turkey dinner of the season, Mattel's Wicked doll boxes have a WICKEDLY SALACIOUS PRINTING ERROR, plus much like the musical also feature a lot of girl girl action, and Jackie's gettin' pumped for the real Wicked movie while Holden's itching to see it with a nona, any nona! Ariana Grande is trying to save the Tower of Terror in Orlando and it's swaying Jackie, but Holden REFUSES TO BOW TO HER despite Jackie having inside word she's super nice, which brings us to a COUNTERPOINT CELEBRITY CONSPIRACY CORNER - YES JACKIE, ARIANA IS STILL EVIL plus a list of times celebrities volunteered information that we really really did not need to know, Blindz and SHOUT OUTSSSSS!

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