What the Hell Did I Just Read
A Novel of Cosmic Horror
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What the Hell Did I Just Read
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Narrated by:
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Stephen R. Thorne
About this listen
It's the story "They" don't want you to listen to. Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. To quote the Bible, "Learning the truth can be like loosening a necktie, only to realize it was the only thing keeping your head attached". No, don't put the book back on the shelf - it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from listening to it. Yes, it works with audiobooks, too, I don't have time to explain how.
While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shape-shifting interdimensional child predator, Dave, John, and Amy realized there might actually be something weird going on. Together, they navigate a diabolically convoluted maze of illusions, lies, and their own incompetence in an attempt to uncover a terrible truth they - like you - would be better off not knowing.
Your first impulse will be to think that a story this gruesome - and, to be frank, stupid - cannot possibly be true. That is precisely the reaction "They" are hoping for.
©2017 David Wong, Jason Pargin (P)2017 Audible, Inc.Related to this topic
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-
Vulgar Funny. 4.95 Sale Win.
- By C Yohe on 11-19-12
By: David Wong
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Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits
- By: David Wong, Jason Pargin
- Narrated by: Christy Romano
- Length: 15 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 7,139
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 6,642
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 6,634
In a prosperous yet gruesomely violent near future, superhero vigilantes battle thugs whose heads are full of supervillain fantasies. The peace is kept by a team of smooth, well-dressed negotiators called The Men in Fancy Suits. Meanwhile a young girl is caught in the middle and thinks the whole thing is ridiculous. Zoey, a recent college graduate with a worthless degree, makes a reluctant trip into the city after hearing that her estranged con artist father died in a mysterious yet spectacular way.
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5 out of 5 stars
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This whole city is a butt that farts horror.
- By Claudia H on 03-03-16
By: David Wong, and others
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I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom
- A Novel
- By: Jason Pargin
- Narrated by: Ari Fliakos
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 862
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 816
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 816
Outside Los Angeles, a driver pulls up to find a young woman sitting on a large black box. She offers him $200,000 cash to transport her and that box across the country, to Washington, DC. But there are rules: He cannot look inside the box. He cannot ask questions. He cannot tell anyone. They must leave immediately. He must leave all trackable devices behind. As these eccentric misfits hit the road, rumors spread on social media that the box is part of a carefully orchestrated terror attack intended to plunge the USA into civil war.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Can't believe someone would write this
- By Amazon Customer on 09-24-24
By: Jason Pargin
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Alice Isn't Dead
- A Novel
- By: Joseph Fink
- Narrated by: Jasika Nicole
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 818
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 752
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 748
Keisha Lewis lived a quiet life with her wife, Alice, until the day Alice disappeared. After months of searching, presuming she was dead, Keisha held a funeral, mourned, and gradually tried to get on with her life. But that was before Keisha started to see her wife, again and again, in the background of news reports from all over America. Alice isn't dead, and she is showing up at every major tragedy and accident in the country. Following a line of clues, Keisha takes a job as a long-haul truck driver and begins searching for Alice.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Great story, but conditionally recommended.
- By Hayley Lambert on 11-02-18
By: Joseph Fink
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By the Light of Dead Stars
- Beyond the Lost Coast, Book 1
- By: Andrew Van Wey
- Narrated by: Tom Jordan
- Length: 11 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 251
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 230
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 231
When tragedy shatters 13-year-old Zelda Ruiz’s adolescence, she retreats with her uncle Mark to the bucolic town of Greywood Bay. But nothing can prepare them for the malignant terror that has long coveted these lands.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Troubled town torn apart by its secrets
- By Lori on 07-03-23
By: Andrew Van Wey
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Growing Things and Other Stories
- By: Paul Tremblay
- Narrated by: Sean Crisden, Graham Halstead, Cassandra Campbell, and others
- Length: 11 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 343
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 295
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Story4 out of 5 stars 293
A chilling collection of psychological suspense and literary horror from the multiple award-winning author of the national best seller The Cabin at the End of the World and A Head Full of Ghosts. A masterful anthology featuring 19 pieces of short fiction, Growing Things and Other Stories is an exciting glimpse into Paul Tremblay’s fantastically fertile imagination.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Paul Tremblay is totally nuts.
- By Gary & Jay on 07-07-19
By: Paul Tremblay
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The Best Horror of the Year, Volume 4
- By: Ellen Datlow - author/editor, Stephen King, Peter Straub
- Narrated by: Meredith Mitchell, Rebecca Mitchell, Michael Healy, and others
- Length: 16 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 220
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 202
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 201
With tales from Laird Barron, Stephen King, John Langan, Peter Straub, and many others, and featuring Datlow’s comprehensive overview of the year in horror, now, more than ever, The Best Horror of the Year provides the petrifying horror fiction readers have come to expect - and enjoy.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Only a few decent stories in this bunch.
- By Jerry on 12-06-14
By: Ellen Datlow - author/editor, and others
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Das infernalische Zombie-Spinnen-Massaker
- By: David Wong
- Narrated by: Martin Baltscheit
- Length: 14 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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Story0 out of 5 stars 0
Möglicherweise leben riesige, unsichtbare Spinnen in euren Schädeln. Und das ist nicht irgendwie metaphorisch gemeint... Ihr werdet das als alberne Angstmacherei abtun. Aber etwas als Angstmacherei abzutun ist eines der ersten Symptome der parasitären Spinneninfektion. Ihr könnt die Spinne nicht spüren, denn sie kontrolliert eure Nervenenden. Ihr könnt sie nicht sehen, denn sie entscheidet, was ihr wahrnehmt. Ihr werdet nicht mal merken, wenn sie Eier legt. Und sie wird Eier legen.
By: David Wong
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The Unnoticeables: A Novel
- The Vicious Circuit, Book 1
- By: Robert Brockway
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl, Emily Foster, Scott Merriman
- Length: 7 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 815
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 753
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Story4 out of 5 stars 753
There are angels, and they are not beneficent or loving. But they do watch over us. They watch our lives unfold, analyzing us for repeating patterns and redundancies. When they find them, the angels simplify those patterns and remove the redundancies, and the problem that is "you" gets solved.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Left wanting
- By Michelle L. Baron on 08-08-15
By: Robert Brockway
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Since We Fell
- A Novel
- By: Dennis Lehane
- Narrated by: Julia Whelan
- Length: 12 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 2,216
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,033
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Story4 out of 5 stars 2,025
Since We Fell follows Rachel Childs, a former journalist who, after an on-air mental breakdown, now lives as a virtual shut-in. In all other respects, however, she enjoys an ideal life with an ideal husband. Until a chance encounter on a rainy afternoon causes that ideal life to fray. As does Rachel's marriage. As does Rachel herself. Sucked into a conspiracy thick with deception, violence, and possibly madness, Rachel must find the strength within herself to conquer unimaginable fears and mind-altering truths.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Wait ....
- By Ann on 05-17-17
By: Dennis Lehane
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The Art of Starving
- By: Sam J. Miller
- Narrated by: Tom Phelan
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 118
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 107
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Story4 out of 5 stars 106
Matt hasn't eaten in days. His stomach stabs and twists inside, pleading for a meal, but Matt won't give in. The hunger clears his mind, keeps him sharp - and he needs to be as sharp as possible if he's going to find out just how Tariq and his band of high school bullies drove his sister, Maya, away. Matt's hardworking mom keeps the kitchen crammed with food, but Matt can resist the siren call of casseroles and cookies because he has discovered something: the less he eats the more he seems to have...powers.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Transformative book!
- By Uno Person on 01-01-20
By: Sam J. Miller
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Cursed Cocktails
- Tales of Aedrea
- By: S.L. Rowland
- Narrated by: Eric Jason Martin
- Length: 7 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 165
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 150
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 150
After 20 years defending the frozen north against some of the most dangerous threats in the nine kingdoms, Rhoren “Bloodbane” has finally earned his retirement. While the blood mage's service to the realm may have ended, burning veins and aching joints remain, and Rhoren soon learns that a warmer climate offers relief from his chronic pain.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Cozy book to have a cocktail with
- By A Murphy on 10-30-23
By: S.L. Rowland
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Necronomicon
- The Wanderings of Alhazred
- By: Donald Tyson
- Narrated by: Matt Godfrey
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 137
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 130
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 131
Anyone familiar with H. P. Lovecraft's work knows of the Necronomicon, the black-magic grimoire he invented as a literary prop in his classic horror stories. There have been several attempts at creating this text, yet none stand up to Lovecraft's own descriptions of the Necronomicon...until now. Fans of Lovecraftian magic and occult fiction will delight in Donald Tyson's Necronomicon, based purely within Lovecraft's own fictional universe, the Cthulhu Mythos.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Not loyal to established lore
- By WillyWonka on 02-13-21
By: Donald Tyson
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BuyMort: Grand Opening: How I Became the Accidental Warlord of Arizona
- Shopocalypse Saga, Book 1
- By: Damien Hanson, Joseph Phelps
- Narrated by: Wayne Mitchell
- Length: 16 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 491
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 365
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 365
After the arrival of the multiversal monopoly BuyMort, life got brutal. All systems were through BuyMort. All currency was through BuyMort. All sales were through BuyMort. You could resist, you could compete, but it didn’t really matter because in the end you used BuyMort—or you perished. BuyMort be praised. But not everyone’s happy with the new system. Some, even, want to see it destroyed. It’s quick. It’s convenient. And it will help people kill you and your family as readily as it will help them sell you knickknacks for a quick mortie.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Funny
- By Mandymomof3boyz on 05-20-23
By: Damien Hanson, and others
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In Times Like These: Mega Boxed Set
- By: Nathan Van Coops
- Narrated by: Neil Hellegers
- Length: 61 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 330
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 296
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 296
Can you outrun the past? Can you outlive the future? One time traveler must find out. Accidental time traveler Ben Travers is thrown into a multiverse of adventure in this action-adventure through past and future. This compilation includes: In Times Like These, The Chronothon, The Day After Never, and The Warp Clock. Now you can get them in one volume! All the adventure at a fraction of the price. Start your time travel adventure today, because yesterday may be too late!
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2 out of 5 stars
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Unfortunate
- By Kylee on 05-08-22
By: Nathan Van Coops
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I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself
- A Novel
- By: Marisa Crane
- Narrated by: Bailey Carr
- Length: 8 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 123
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 104
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Story4 out of 5 stars 104
In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.
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2 out of 5 stars
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visuals would be better
- By Ophelia Bee on 04-30-23
By: Marisa Crane
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The Colour of Magic
- Discworld, Book 1
- By: Terry Pratchett
- Narrated by: Colin Morgan, Peter Serafinowicz, Bill Nighy
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,166
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,891
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,882
Somewhere on the frontier between thought and reality exists the Discworld, a parallel time and place that might sound and smell very much like our own, but which looks completely different. Particularly as it’s carried though space on the back of a giant turtle (sex unknown). It plays by different rules. But then, some things are the same everywhere. The Disc’s very existence is about to be threatened by a strange new blight: the world’s first tourist, upon whose survival rests the peace and prosperity of the land.
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3 out of 5 stars
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TERRIBLE Narration!
- By Kayla I on 07-08-22
By: Terry Pratchett
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Gut
- The Inside Story of Our Body's Most Underrated Organ
- By: Giulia Enders
- Narrated by: Katy Sobey
- Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,645
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 4,052
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 4,009
Our gut is almost as important to us as our brain, yet we know very little about how it works. Gut: The Inside Story is an entertaining, informative tour of the digestive system from the moment we raise a tasty morsel to our lips until the moment our body surrenders the remnants to the toilet bowl. No topic is too lowly for the author's wonder and admiration, from the careful choreography of breaking wind to the precise internal communication required for a cleansing vomit.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Doctors opinion
- By KevinMcVeigh on 03-02-17
By: Giulia Enders
What listeners say about What the Hell Did I Just Read
Highly rated for:
Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Dan Schmidt
- 10-20-22
I Love These Books and I Love Stephen R. Thorne
I really just have to say that Stephen R. Thorne does this series so much justice in his performances. I love the immature far out sci fi unintelligible mess of a universe Jason has created with this series and I think the narration and the voices Stephen lends to the characters and their conversations just tickles something in me that has me always returning to this series over years. Something about how he plays John and just the delivery of many punch lines is perfect to me and ill return to this series, im sure, always. These stories might not be for everyone, but as for a ride that'll grab you by the shirt and yank you through multiple dimensions, its certainly worth the trip.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Richard
- 12-17-20
A middling entry in a fantastic series.
Worth reading, but not near as good as the previous two entries in the series.
I would not hesitate to recommend John Dies at the End or Spiders... but this one just wasn't as impactful to me..
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 05-21-18
just as amazing as all the rest 😊
cant wait for more. i will never get tired of reading these amazing stories! time to go check out the website!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Heather
- 02-08-19
what the hell
I love all of David Wong's books and you should too. whitty humor and fantastic writing
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- William Weaver
- 08-16-22
Great
all of David Wong's books are good. and if you have the time watch his movies on Netflix. they did a great job
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Canyon R.
- 06-21-20
Pretty good
These books are the perfect combo of horror and comedy, I highly recommend it for everyone.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- momtastic
- 11-02-18
Wonderfully ridiculous!
Lots of laughs. If you like off the wall crazy stories, this series is for you! Love all three books, John dies at the end, This book is full of spiders and What the hell did I just read.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance3 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Emmanuel Godoy
- 02-06-18
Great as always.
Super good and trippy. Love the Cosmic Mystery and Dick Jokes. It also contains scathing social commentary.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- MPass
- 03-20-18
Hilarious
Story is hilarious & not for the faint of heart. Some cussing but lots of supernatural references & so hilarious!!I’m hooked!!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- curtis
- 10-10-17
great book
great book another interesting sorry by David wong I would recommend this entire series
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