This American Ex-Wife

How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life

By: Lyz Lenz

Narrated by: Lyz Lenz

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A deeply validating manifesto on the gender politics of marriage (bad) and divorce (actually pretty good!) in America today, and an argument that the former needs a reboot—from journalist and proud divorcée Lyz Lenz

“This American Ex-Wife is a bomb, a bouquet (but not a wedding bouquet), a memoir, a manifesto, and a total joy to read.”—Rebecca Solnit, author of Men Explain Things to Me

Studies show that nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women—women who are tired, fed up, exhausted, and unhappy. We’ve all seen how the media portrays divorcées: sad, lonely, drowning their sorrows in a bottle of wine. Lyz Lenz is one such woman whose life fell apart after she reached a breaking point in her twelve-year marriage. But she refused to take part in that tired narrative and decided to flip the script on divorce.

In this exuberant and unapologetic book, Lenz makes an argument for the advantages of getting divorced, framing it as a practical and effective solution for women to take back the power they are owed. Weaving reportage with sociological research and literature with popular culture along with personal stories of coming together and breaking up, Lenz creates a kaleidoscopic and poignant portrait of American marriage today. She argues that the mechanisms of American power, justice, love, and gender equality remain deeply flawed, and that marriage, like any other cultural institution, is due for a reckoning. A raucous argument for acceptance, solidarity, and collective female refusal, This American Ex-Wife takes listeners on a riveting ride—while pointing us all toward a life that is a little more free.

©2024 Lyz Lenz (P)2024 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“With This American Ex-Wife Lenz adds to her already impressive canon of cultural criticism. . . . Through a vivid mix of research, reporting, and personal anecdote, [she] reveals the power imbalances inherent to traditional heterosexual marriage, and calls for a radical act of refusal by women who have been too-long defined by their relationships to men.”—Literary Hub

“This American Ex-Wife is a bomb, a bouquet (but not a wedding bouquet), a memoir, a manifesto, and a total joy to read.” —Rebecca Solnit, author of Men Explain Things to Me

“A tour de force, instant classic memoir-meets-manifesto . . . Cishet love is a battlefield, and This American Ex-Wife is a long-awaited shield. This book will rightfully end and prevent certain types of marriages, by which I mean it will save lives.”—Alissa Nutting, author of Made for Love

Yes, this!

Lyz thank you so much for sharing your story, a story so many of us women share. Thank you for being open and honest and vulnerable. Thank you for shining a light on the blatant inequality between women and men. Thank you for taking the time to highlight all that women do that goes unseen, unappreciated, undervalued, and simply dismissed. But most of all, I thank you because I needed your story so very, very much, to be reminded that I am not alone. Truly thank you! <3

Insightful book

Lyz Lenz provides a critical view of marriage and divorce from not just her own experience, but the experiences of women in a cultural sense. I’ve never been married and may never get married, but I appreciate getting to hear her perspective on the institution.

So Relatable

It's nice hearing about how her divorce unfolded. Makes me realize that I'm not the only one that was tired of settling for less.

So freaking true

I advise all my tired, married, hetero friends to leave their crappy marriages to “good guys” — I tell them I get two nights off a week and that that was unimaginable when I was married ☺️🙏

Charming, heartbreaking, very real

Lyz Lenz is such a likable, genuine narrator and storyteller it makes an often heartbreaking tale wistful. Will likely soothe any woman navigating divorce—it’s not just you, divorce is pretty common and a lot of the reasons are the same. Thanks for writing this Lyz.

You’re Not Alone

I loved Lyz’s inflection in her voice. It makes such a difference. It helps in knowing that I am not alone in wanting my own freedom.

Relatable Story

I loved both the content of this book and the performance. Heartbreaking, informative, and a story of resilience!

Must read

I wish my mother could have handed me this book. Reading this at an early age would have been helpful and insightful.

Fresh, authentic, utterly relatable

As a fellow millennial, ex-vagelical, married mother of 3 young kids, I related to every moment of this book! I’m also a therapist and have recommended this book to every woman in my practice who is struggling in their marriage and contemplating divorce. THANK YOU LIZ for putting your heart out there, digging in social science research, and sharing with us all. I love at the beginning you make it clear you’re pro-divorce, haha! But at the very least you hope women ask for MORE in their partnerships. This book has been valuable to me personally and sparking LOTS of conversations with my male spouse which has made our relationship better than ever.

Fantastic, brilliant, must-listen

I don't remember the last time I found myself saying things out loud to a book this often. Listening to it feels like having a conversation with your smart, insightful friend who leaves you both laughing and chewing on some hard-fought wisdom that sticks in your brain indefinitely. There are no easy answers here (real life) but so many of the right questions and plenty of joy. Keep writing, Lyz, the world needs your words!