The Modern Scholar

He Said/She Said: Women, Men and Language

By: Professor Deborah Tannen

Narrated by: Deborah Tannen

"When I wrote You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, I didn't know that what everyone would respond to most strongly is the question, "Why don't men like to stop and ask for directions?" (Before the book was published, no one talked about this gender difference; as a result of the book, it is now the ubiquitous subject of jokes, cartoons, skits, greeting cards, and casual conversations.)

"The answer to this question will be revealed in the lectures that follow, as it captures the essence of what this course will address: the patterns that tend to distinguish how men and women use language in their everyday lives, and the consequences of these differences (as well as similarities) for conversations and relationships between women and men.

"My goal in this series, in addition to illuminating the patterns of women's and men's uses of language, is to enhance understanding of how language works in everyday life. I am told by students who have taken my courses that this understanding helps them in their everyday lives, as every aspect of our lives involves talking to people of the other sex - in our personal relationships, our families, at work, and in trying to get just about anything done."

Download the accompanying reference guide.©2003 Deborah Tannen (P)2003 Recorded Books

Intriguing

Would you listen to The Modern Scholar again? Why?

Yes. I have topped up my wish list with other Modern Scholar titles on science, literature, and history.

Who was your favorite character and why?

N/A

What’s the most interesting tidbit you’ve picked up from this book?

The differences in how boys and girls typically resolve disputes and establish hierarchies were particularly interesting.

Any additional comments?

The sections about interactions in the work environment and the home are applicable to everyday life, and may come in handy someday.

Interesting information - much repetition

The book (lecture) is interesting and confirms what I've thought of men and women and language. Didn't really add any (or much) new information for me, though she articulates much of it in a way that I probably couldn't have myself. A lot was repetitive - made me realize why I was bored with college lectures - tell me once, tell me again, then reinforce it. Aarrgggghhh! The lecture begins with laying out what the entire book will entail, then at the end of every lecture, what the next lecture will be about, and at the end of that one, the same thing again! Don't tell me what's coming, just let it come....please.

The Most Important Information of your Life!!!

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

I recommend this audiobook to everyone. The information in this book is so important for every aspect of your life. From professional to social.

Any additional comments?

I wish that I have known this information many years ago. I gained information from every lecture and the experienced many moments of "that makes sense" or "Oh know I understand"

I Have Taught The Work Of Deborah Tannen...

for decades, and I have found her to be the most enlightening linguistic on the topic of gender and language. The wonderful thing about Tannen is that she transcends the usual feminist approach that asserts "women must learn to talk like men to succeed" because "men are verbal bullies"--and at the same time she does not go the other way and denigrate women as passive or weak in the ways they communicate. She simply demonstrates that men and women, due to both biology and culture, approach language and social interaction differently and shows the strengths and weaknesses of both.

Mystery Solved - We Can Now Learn to Understand

This book is full of Aha and Oh Yeah moments. Tannen's real life examples and studies verify what we have known but either could not explain or make others understand about the differences in male/female communication. It is concise and abundant in communication differences. Rather than offering ways we need to change to be understood, it explains both are perfectly understandable just the way they are. This is the guide book to learn each other's language. Listen once to enjoy being astounded and the second time to take notes.
The chapters that explain Dads trying to understand little girls and Moms wondering what their boys actions and lack of words mean. Tannen nails it for all of us!

Kind of revelatory, at least for me

As a female grad student in astrophysics, I spend most of my time with a) guys and b) women who are very comfortable being around guys. I was hoping that this book would give me insights that would allow me to communicate better with my male colleagues, but mostly it's helped me pin down why I find it so hard to interact with women who use language and communication in a more stereotypically female way than I do. Tannen emphasizes that the male and female patterns she identifies are not universal, and she doesn't try to make any spurious evolutionary-psychology claims about why the typical behavior patterns she identifies exists, which is a big relief, since those always seem to end with "and that's why women should just stay in the kitchen where they belong."

The most valuable lesson I've gotten from this book is that when someone's communication style is different from yours, you tend to make assumptions about their thoughts and feelings that are not necessarily accurate. As a result, instead of realizing that the person isn't getting your message and changing the way you communicate, you assume that are insensitive / lazy / argumentative / etc., which only creates more problems. This book gives you at least a basic framework for figuring out whether your problems with someone are due to the fact that your communication styles don't match or due to the fact that the other person actually is a jerk.

Given that I've spent my entire adult life studying physics, I wasn't expecting anything from this book resembling what I generally think of as "science." It's just a bunch of anecdotes that may or may not ring true for a given listener. I found that the anecdotes agreed with my own experiences, and that Tannen's interpretations seemed reasonable. Your mileage may vary.

An absolute must!!

What did you love best about The Modern Scholar?

if there was only one audiobook that I could recommend for every husband and wife and every parent it would be this one. Understanding the foundations of language and communication from childhood to the adult is a powerful tool that each and every one of us need in order for all of us to be better partners and parents.

Deborah Tannen's course on how men and women develop their communicative styles is truly an eye-opener and continually engaging throughout.

Completely Fascninating

I thoroughly enjoyed this series of lectures and often found myself identifying my children's and my own behaviour and often laughing out loud.

This book has definitely broadened my awareness of linguistics and has made me a better more understanding communicator. I find I now react to conversations with understanding than with emotion.

I thoroughly recommend it. I have also listened to How Conversations Work and although that was interesting, I did not find it as comprehensive as this one. If you had to pick, definitely choice He Said/ She Said.

Learned something new

Where does The Modern Scholar rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

It stacks up pretty high in the non-fiction genre.

What was the most compelling aspect of this narrative?

How certain things regarding genders do not change no matter what a parent does. Basically how society impacts.

What about Deborah Tannen’s performance did you like?

I thought the lecture format was interesting way to deliver this information. The question and answer period at the end of each section sometimes answered a question I was also thinking.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No

Get "You Just Don't Understand" instead

This confusingly titled work seems to be a recording of college lectures repeating the author's actual book "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation". Although I enjoyed that book and found it interesting and useful, I am unclear why this set of recorded lectures exists. Forget this one - just get "You Just Don't Understand" instead. It's a good read.