Surviving the White Gaze

A Memoir

By: Rebecca Carroll

Narrated by: Rebecca Carroll

An Esquire Best Book of 2021

A “gorgeous and powerful” (The New York Times Book Review) memoir from cultural critic Rebecca Carroll recounting her painful struggle to overcome a completely White childhood to forge her identity as a Black woman in America.

Rebecca Carroll grew up the only Black person in her rural New Hampshire town. Adopted at birth by artistic parents who believed in peace, love, and zero population growth, her early childhood was loving and idyllic - and yet she couldn’t articulate the deep sense of isolation she increasingly felt as she grew older.

Everything changed when she met her birth mother, a young White woman, who consistently undermined Carroll’s sense of her blackness and self-esteem. Carroll’s childhood became harrowing, and her memoir explores the tension between the aching desire for her birth mother’s acceptance, the loyalty she feels toward her adoptive parents, and the search for her racial identity. As an adult, Carroll forged a path from city to city, struggling along the way with difficult boyfriends, depression, eating disorders, and excessive drinking. Ultimately, through the support of her chosen Black family, she was able to heal.

“Generous, intimate, searching, and formidable” (The Boston Globe), Surviving the White Gaze is a timely examination of racism and racial identity in America today.

©2021 Rebecca Carroll. All rights reserved. (P)2021 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

Perfect!

Much of what Rebecca wrote about resonated with me. I am thankful for her words and for her openness.

Compelling, Real, Poignant.

Rebecca Carroll’s reading of her own memoir makes it that much more impactful. All I can say is Thank You to Rebecca Carroll for sharing her life, her struggles, and her joy with the world. I learned a great deal about myself in these pages.

Great listen

When I first started the book I didn’t think I’d enjoy just the narration. But the story was so good and so much thought and discussion can come from it.

Thank you for writing this book!

I’m a single mom of a mixed child. She was born in 1975 and I was militant to support her being herself. This book explains so many things she might have felt that I would have had trouble understanding. Right now it is still an ugly time as racism rears it’s cancerous head. One day we will live in peace. Keep on writing and educating, Ms. Carroll.

Revealing

I'm glad she narrated her story. No one could tell it like she did. I've often wondered what life is like being a biracial child. This story is so revealing. I experienced varied emotions listening to it. When is the world going to stop being like this for black & biracial people?

Moving Tale of Courage and Strength

This was such a jaw dropping, moving and inspirational read. Your courage and strength moved me to tears.

Excellent Story

I was riveted by her story and how she was able to see the importance of her blackness in spite of her upbringing and her bio mother’s toxicity! I relate so much to her.

Great story

This book is not for the impatient. The author takes her time and skillfully situates the reader into her story. She challenges our perceptions of what being a black child raised by white people in a white world can feel like.

Honest

I appreciate Rebecca's commitment to speaking her truth, a US American truth about our white communities and families: how much comfort we take in being oblivious when reality is literally right in front of us.

From one adoptee to another, thank you for your bravery in telling your story

I loved this book!! I wish that it was longer and that I could dive more into her story. I am a transracial adoptee from Haiti and so many of her experiences mirror my experiences and resonates on such a deep and divine level.