Starf*cker
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Starf*cker
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By:
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Ian Thomas Healy
About this listen
Once, John Irish was a legend in the porn industry, partying with the likes of John Holmes, Peter North, Nina Hartley, and Seka, but now he's on the far side of 50, and Ron Jeremy won't even return his phone calls.
Desperate for any kind of paying work, he's sunk to the level of bit roles in grade-Z porn and is even considering applying to work at Wal-Mart, when hot-blooded starlet Mindy Copperhead comes into his life. He quickly discovers she's far more than a simple blowjob artist, but is in fact an advance scout for a distant alien race, sent to Earth to find...him. Her race is embroiled in an interstellar war and losing badly. Her Queen became enamored with a movie in which John appeared, called Starf--ker, and sent her scout to find him and bring him back to her, ostensibly to help her repopulate their dying planet.
Thus John finds himself mixed up in a crazy, sexy adventure which makes even the most gonzo porn seem tame by comparison. In a civilization where skills can be learned via injections, danger lurks around every corner, and intrigue is as common as breakfast, John must get to the bottom of the mystery behind the war, as long as it doesn't kill him first, or at least break a hip.
©2012 Ian Thomas Healy (P)2018 Ian Thomas HealyListeners also enjoyed...
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Best Sci Fi Fun anywhere!
- By A. Foxter on 07-07-15
By: Brian Daley
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The Atlantis Ship
- By: A. C. Hadfield
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 431
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 405
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 405
Carson Mach, a former war hero turned freelancer, seeks the biggest payday of his life when he's tasked to hunt down a ghost ship that has echoed through the centuries. The legendary Atlantis ship has become a reality, appearing at the Commonwealth frontier and obliterating an orbital station.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Very Good Story, Looking Forward to the Next Book
- By Striker on 09-13-15
By: A. C. Hadfield
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Last Command
- Fallen Empire, Book 0
- By: Lindsay Buroker
- Narrated by: Kate Reading
- Length: 2 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,207
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,086
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,080
In the final days of the empire, Cyborg Corps Colonel Leonidas Adler plans to die in a manner befitting of an imperial officer. He will fight until his last breath, giving his life to defend Emperor Markus, as it was meant to be. But when the emperor himself summons him for a final special mission, how can he refuse?
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3 out of 5 stars
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Pretty good teaser for lighter space opera
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 10-15-21
By: Lindsay Buroker
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The Ember War
- Publisher's Pack, Books 1-2
- By: Richard Fox
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 15 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 7,700
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 7,136
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 7,120
The Ember War, book 1: The Earth is doomed. Humanity has a chance. In the near future, an alien probe arrives on Earth with a pivotal mission: to determine if humanity has what it takes to survive the impending invasion by a merciless armada. The probe discovers Marc Ibarra, a young inventor who holds the key to a daring gambit that could save a fraction of Earth's population. Humanity's only chance lies with Ibarra's ability to keep a terrible secret and engineer the planet down the narrow path to survival.
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3 out of 5 stars
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A COUPLE OF BULLETS AND FOUL LANGUAGE TO DEFEND
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 12-10-16
By: Richard Fox
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Fortune's Pawn
- Paradox Series, Book 1
- By: Rachel Bach
- Narrated by: Emily Durante
- Length: 11 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 422
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 390
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Story4 out of 5 stars 389
Devi Morris isn't your average mercenary. She has plans. Big ones. And a ton of ambition. It's a combination that's going to get her killed one day - but not just yet. That is, until she gets a job on a tiny trade ship with a nasty reputation for surprises. The Glorious Fool isn't misnamed; it likes to get into trouble, so much so that one year of security work under its captain is equal to five years everywhere else. With odds like that, Devi knows she's found the perfect way to get the jump on the next part of her plan.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Easily the worst narration I've heard in 90 books
- By Matthew on 11-05-14
By: Rachel Bach
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Rebel Fleet
- By: B. V. Larson
- Narrated by: Mark Boyett
- Length: 10 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 5,510
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 5,110
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 5,102
They hunt us. They bomb our worlds for target practice. A star cluster in the constellation of Orion rotates once every 1,000 years. Those who rule there have an ancient tradition: When each cycle ends, they train their fleets by spilling the blood of lesser beings. The enemy fleets are coming again. In response, the Rebel Worlds gather their starships to face the terrifying threat, and this time humanity is asked to stand with them. The last time they considered Earth, Vikings in longboats were raiding English coastlines. Today, we're less primitive. Today, we're a target.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Swarm series all over again
- By Kenneth on 03-18-17
By: B. V. Larson
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Assault Troopers
- Extinction Wars, Book 1
- By: Vaughn Heppner
- Narrated by: Christian Rummel
- Length: 12 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,136
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,043
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,042
The Earth died when aliens rained thermonuclear warheads on her cities and sprayed the surface with a bio-terminator. A deadly poison drifted to every corner of the planet, threatening the last survivors with annihilation. For a soldier like Creed, there is only one way to keep breathing untainted air. He must bury his hatred of the extraterrestrials and join the Jelk Corporation as an assault trooper, leaving the planet for outer space. In return for his and other people's services, the corporation will house the last humans for as long as the assault troopers keep winning.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Angry, Poor action, No reality, A lot of Yelling
- By Edward on 10-26-13
By: Vaughn Heppner
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The Awakening
- Broken Worlds, Book 1
- By: Jasper T. Scott
- Narrated by: Jonathan Todd Ross
- Length: 11 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 138
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 125
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Story4 out of 5 stars 124
Darius Drake is desperate to save his daughter, Cassandra. So desperate he's willing to risk their lives in cryo-sleep to give her a future. But the dark, freezing vault where he wakes up is nothing like the luxurious Florida hospital he remembers. Everything about this place is alien to him, even the language. Little does he know how alien it really is. Darius and his daughter go exploring their new surroundings with a few others from the cryo pods, and they soon discover frozen, mutilated bodies everywhere.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Alien/Predator/Star Wars mashup
- By Leonidas Karr on 08-28-18
By: Jasper T. Scott
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Vitalis Omnibus
- By: Jason Halstead
- Narrated by: James Killavey
- Length: 15 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 70
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 65
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 65
Mysterious blackouts left Kira with precious few memories of events in her life, never mind those worth sharing. Somewhere in those blank spots she acquired skills - skills she was hard pressed to explain. But those skills got her a job as the new navigator for the Rented Mule, a transport ship that plied the Rim Systems at the very edge of human civilization.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Moral of the stoty is...
- By Rachel on 10-22-14
By: Jason Halstead
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Battletech Chronicles Books 1-3
- By: Robert Charrette, Michael A. Stackpole
- Narrated by: Christopher Graybill
- Length: 9 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 160
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 152
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 152
As a MechWarrior of the Draconis Combine, Minobu Tetsuhara was bound by Bushido - a code that demands loyal service - to the devious Warlord Grieg Samsonov. But when Minobu came upon a strange blue-and-gold Archer, Bushido also dictated that he not destroy the honorable but helpless warrior. And so begins the BattleTech Chronicles, books one, two and three...
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1 out of 5 stars
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Bait & Switch Tactics
- By Scott D. Free on 11-10-20
By: Robert Charrette, and others
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War of the Spheres
- By: James Millington, B. V. Larson
- Narrated by: Mark Boyett
- Length: 12 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 640
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 592
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 591
When humanity reaches for the stars, our probes are destroyed. They crash into an incredibly advanced piece of technology: a massive force-field. Unknown beings have placed a barrier around our star and planets, enclosing us within. We’re locked inside a Great Sphere. Was this invisible obstacle built to imprison us - or to protect us? No one knows the truth, but it soon becomes clear the barrier has leaks. Aliens infiltrate and try to sabotage our efforts to escape our cage.
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2 out of 5 stars
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misleading summary...
- By Neil Kresl on 04-04-19
By: James Millington, and others
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Invaders
- By: Vaughn Heppner
- Narrated by: Christian Rummel
- Length: 9 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 941
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 865
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Story4 out of 5 stars 865
They came from the brightest star in the southern constellation of Carina. First they studied us. Now they're among us, threatening human existence as they search for the Starcore, the greatest device of the lost Polarions. Logan is captured in the Nevada desert but escapes in Greenland. There he finds an extraterrestrial stealth ship, giving him the means to take the battle to the enemy.
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3 out of 5 stars
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WISHING WASN'T GOING TO HELP ME NOW
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 09-07-17
By: Vaughn Heppner
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Inquisitor
- By: Mitchell Hogan
- Narrated by: Allyson Johnson
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 202
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 188
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Story4 out of 5 stars 189
To Inquisitor Angel Xia, it was just another corporate killing on a backwater planet. But as the bodies begin to pile up and she finds herself a target, she realizes she's stepped on one toe too many. Barely escaping attempts on her life by powerful agents with seemingly limitless reach and influence, Angel senses even her co-Inquisitors can't be trusted. But as the web tightens, she receives a cryptic message from a computer program claiming to be a little girl in desperate need of her help.
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3 out of 5 stars
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meh
- By James Cross on 08-17-15
By: Mitchell Hogan
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Critical Dawn
- The Critical Series, Book 1
- By: Darren Wearmouth, Colin F. Barnes
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 10 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 157
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 144
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Story4 out of 5 stars 146
Archaeologists Pippa Quinn and Charlie Jackson find advanced technology in undisturbed 16th-century graves. A portent, the discovery precedes thousands of giant sinkholes opening up across the globe as extreme weather threatens the population. Charlie suspects the two are related.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Younger adult sci-if.
- By William W on 07-22-15
By: Darren Wearmouth, and others
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Ashfall Prophecy
- By: Pittacus Lore
- Narrated by: Andrew Eiden
- Length: 9 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 78
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 74
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 74
Syd Chambers grew up on Earth with his human mother and barely remembers his alien father from Denza, who left on a mission when Syd was very young. After leaving Earth, Syd learned the truth of his father’s disappearance on the planet Ashfall—his father had died protecting a devastating secret about the history between humans and Denzans.
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5 out of 5 stars
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the pace
- By troy douglas on 07-12-24
By: Pittacus Lore
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Mech Zero: The Dominant
- By: B. V. Larson
- Narrated by: Mirron Willis
- Length: 1 hr and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 504
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 465
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Story4 out of 5 stars 467
Death awaits the curious! Out along the rim of the galaxy hangs a loose configuration of some 60 stars known as the Faustian Chain. This whorl of sparkling suns is rich in planets and occupies an irregular volume of space some 20 light years in diameter. From an external viewpoint, the Chain presents a colorful display of plasma-streams, luminous nebulae and sparkling pinpoints of light.
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3 out of 5 stars
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No hero's here
- By SteveM on 07-17-16
By: B. V. Larson
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Colony Lost
- By: Chris Philbrook
- Narrated by: Kevin Stillwell
- Length: 12 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 121
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 110
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 110
Seven hundred fifty years ago, human colonists left Earth and settled on the moons of the distant gas giant Ghara. Civilization has flourished on Ghara's fertile moons, but humanity's drive to colonize and explore is still strong. Detecting plentiful mineral resources and a rich abundance of alien life on the nearby planet of Selva, the Gharian Colonists mount a dangerous expedition
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4 out of 5 stars
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an action-packed space marine survival story
- By Midwestbonsai on 10-19-17
By: Chris Philbrook
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At Any Price & Rolling Hot
- Hammer's Slammers Series
- By: David Drake
- Narrated by: Stefan Rudnicki
- Length: 11 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 672
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 588
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 587
This two-story compiliation, read by Stefan Rudnicki, offers two stories from David Drake's popular Hammer's Slammers series. In At Any Price, Col. Alois Hammer's indomitable Slammers are called in to support human colonists against a native uprising in this novel-length adventure. But even though the natives' off-world weapons are no match for the Slammers, their ability to teleport gives them a frightening advantage! In Rolling Hot, the battle-crazed troop of recruits and vets, led by Captain Ranson, must cover 300 miles of hostile enemy territory.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Not a cohesive story or stories
- By Jeffery on 01-19-21
By: David Drake
What listeners say about Starf*cker
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Randy Murphy
- 03-24-19
Unusual But Good
The whole premise was different but the way it was done it worked very well. I was excited (no pun intended) to listen to the story the more it went along. The performance was great and helped to bring the whole world to life. I was given a free copy of this audio in return for an unbiased review.
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