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How to Be a Footballer
- Narrated by: Peter Crouch
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
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Publisher's summary
**A Sunday Times Sports Book of the Year**
**Shortlisted for the National Book Awards**
**Longlisted for the Telegraph Sports Book Awards Autobiography of the Year**
You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you're suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate.
So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror.
We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay £250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. We'll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson's assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions.
I am Peter Crouch. This is How To Be A Footballer. Shall we?
Critic reviews
'Very funny on almost every page, wonderfully self-deprecating and very sharp on the ludicrous behaviour of the modern player' - Sunday Times
'The funniest man in British sport' - Metro
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Featuring an entirely new chapter for US readers, the story of his induction into the UFC Hall of Fame, fresh insights about his fighting career, never-before-told stories about his film and TV career, and a harrowing account of his fighting off attempted kidnappers while filming in South Africa, Quitters Never Win tells the incredible story of how he went from rough and humble beginnings and then on to a legendary mixed martial arts career capped by winning the Middleweight Championship in one of the greatest upsets in UFC history.
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Good Book
- By Tullio708 on 04-22-20
By: Michael Bisping
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The Best Seat in the House
- Stories from the NHL - Inside the Room, on the Ice…and on the Bench
- By: Jamie McLennan, Ian Mendes
- Narrated by: Todd Ellis
- Length: 4 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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A back-up goalie's hilarious behind-the-mask look at life in the NHLJamie McLennan spent 20 years playing professional hockey. Sort of. As the backup for such legendary goalies as Grant Fuhr, Ron Hextall, Roberto Luongo, and Miikka Kiprusoff, he saw everything - except much playing time.
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Very Enjoyable but...
- By M. Froehlich on 06-25-23
By: Jamie McLennan, and others
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The Keeper
- A Life of Saving Goals and Achieving Them
- By: Ali Benjamin, Tim Howard
- Narrated by: J.D. Jackson
- Length: 8 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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In the summer of 2014, Tim Howard became an overnight sensation after more than 10 years as one of America's leading professional soccer players. His record-breaking 15 saves for the United States national team against Belgium in the World Cup electrified a nation that had only recently woken up to the Beautiful Game after decades of hibernation. In this inspiring and candid memoir, the beloved US and Everton goalkeeper finally allows himself to do something that he would never do on the field: He drops his guard.
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Tim Howard Saves more then Goals!
- By Ron on 12-16-14
By: Ali Benjamin, and others
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Spain
- The Inside Story of La Roja's Historic Treble
- By: Graham Hunter
- Narrated by: Graham Hunter
- Length: 16 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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This is the story of the greatest achievement in the history of international football. After decades of failure, Spain won the European Championship in 2008 and then the World Cup in 2010. At Euro 2012 they became the first team to win three consecutive tournament titles. Graham Hunter was inside the dressing room as the players celebrated after the finals of the World Cup and Euro 2012.
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Insider look masterclass
- By Peter on 08-07-15
By: Graham Hunter
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Jenson Button: Life to the Limit
- My Autobiography
- By: Jenson Button
- Narrated by: Jack Hawkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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The full-length, in-depth and intimate autobiography from Jenson Button, one of the greatest racing drivers of his generation. His 17 years in Formula One have seen him experience everything the sport has to offer, from nursing duff cars round the track to winning world championships and everything in between. Here, Jenson tells his full story for the first time in his own honest, intelligent and eloquent style.
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Absolutely Amazing
- By Carlos C. on 05-23-18
By: Jenson Button
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The Fireballer
- A Novel
- By: Mark Stevens
- Narrated by: Shea Taylor
- Length: 13 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Frank Ryder is unstoppable on the baseball field—his pitches arrive faster than a batter can swing, giving his opponents no chance. He’s being heralded as a game-changing pitcher. But within the maelstrom of press, adulation, and wild speculation, Frank is a man alone. Haunted by a tragic incident from years past, he yearns to be the best but cannot reconcile the guilt he carries with the man everyone believes him to be.
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Just Wonderful
- By Mars on 01-05-23
By: Mark Stevens
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How Did All This Happen?
- By: John Bishop
- Narrated by: John Bishop
- Length: 9 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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If you're a man of a certain age you'll know there comes a point in life when getting a sports car and over-analysing your contribution to society sounds like a really good idea. With a good job in sales and marketing and a nice house in Manchester that he shared with his wife and kids, John Bishop was no different when he turned the dreaded 4-0. But instead of spanking a load of cash on a car that would have made him look like a senior stylist at Vidal Sassoon, he stumbled onto a pathway that ultimately lead him to become one of the nation's best loved comedians.
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Heartwarming and Funny
- By Nancy Burnett on 12-01-22
By: John Bishop
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Slow Getting Up
- A Story of NFL Survival from the Bottom of the Pile
- By: Nate Jackson
- Narrated by: Nate Jackson
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Nate Jackson’s Slow Getting Up is an unvarnished and uncensored memoir of everyday life in the most popular sports league in America - and the most damaging to its players - the National Football League. After playing college ball at a tiny Division III school, Jackson, a receiver, signed as a free agent with the San Francisco 49ers, before moving to the Denver Broncos. For six seasons in the NFL as a Bronco, he alternated between the practice squad and the active roster, eventually winning a starting spot - a short, tenuous career emblematic of the average pro player.
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Almost unlistenable...AND I'M A DENVER DIEHARD!
- By JROD2133 on 07-02-14
By: Nate Jackson
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I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan
- By: Alan Partridge
- Narrated by: Alan Partridge
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Journalist, presenter, broadcaster, husband, father, vigorous all-rounder – Alan Partridge – a man with a fascinating past and an amazing future. Gregarious and popular, yet Alan’s never happier than when relaxing in his own five-bedroom, south-built house with three acres of land and access to a private stream. But who is this mysterious enigma? Alan Gordon Partridge is the best – and best-loved – radio presenter in the region. Born into a changing world of rationing, Teddy Boys, apes in space and the launch of ITV, Alan’s broadcasting career began as chief DJ of Radio Smile....
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An Anglican giant among pygmies
- By John on 06-20-12
By: Alan Partridge
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Sweet Sorrow
- The Long-Awaited New Novel from the Best-Selling Author of One Day
- By: David Nicholls
- Narrated by: Rory Kinnear
- Length: 12 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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From the best-selling author of One Day comes a bittersweet and brilliantly funny coming-of-age tale about the heart-stopping thrill of first love - and how just one summer can forever change a life.
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A delight in every way!
- By Jennifer on 04-24-22
By: David Nicholls
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The Keeper - Young Readers' Edition
- The Unguarded Story of Tim Howard
- By: Tim Howard
- Narrated by: William Harper
- Length: 5 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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In this heartwarming and candid memoir, Tim Howard does something he would never do on a soccer field: he drops his guard. As fiercely protective about his privacy as he is guarding the goal for the US national team and for Everton in the English Premier League, Howard opens up for the first time about how a hyperactive kid from New Jersey with Tourette's syndrome defied the odds to become one of the world’s premier goalkeepers.
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Don't judge a book by it's cover.
- By Anonymous User on 08-17-17
By: Tim Howard
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The Tour According to G
- My Journey to the Yellow Jersey
- By: Geraint Thomas
- Narrated by: Dafydd Pritchard
- Length: 6 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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For years Geraint Thomas appeared blessed with extraordinary talent but jinxed at the greatest bike race in the world: twice an Olympic gold medallist on the track, Commonwealth champion, yet at the Tour de France a victim of crashes, bad luck and his willingness to sacrifice himself for his teammates. In the summer of 2018, that curse was blown away in spectacular fashion - from the cobbles of the north and the iconic mountain climbs of the Alps to the brutal slopes of the Pyrenees and, finally, the Champs-Elysees in Paris.
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Not a fan of GT but really enjoyed the book
- By Richy on 01-27-19
By: Geraint Thomas
What listeners say about How to Be a Footballer
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Anonymous User
- 05-12-19
Fantastic Honesty
Great insight by a great bloke who really loves the game. Great for Saints !
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- Haik Sahakian
- 09-30-23
Heads above most soccer books
Hard to put down because it's so funny. It talks about what it's like to be the outsider, and how obsessed he was with playing well in his teens and didn't have time to learn certain life skills until after he'd made it big. He wrote the book with Tom Fordyce who has a great podcast series on the Billy Joel song "We didn't start the fire".
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