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New Teeth
- Stories
- Narrated by: Fred Berman
- Length: 4 hrs and 33 mins
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New Teeth
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Publisher's summary
Laugh till you cry in this new collection of stories from the “Serena Williams of humor writing” (New York Times Book Review) about raising babies and trying to learn how not to be one.
Called a “comedic Godsend” by Conan O’Brien, and “the Stephen King of comedy writing” by John Mulaney, Simon Rich is back with New Teeth, his funniest and most personal collection yet.
Two murderous pirates find a child stowaway on board and attempt to balance pillaging with co-parenting. A woman raised by wolves prepares for her parents’ annual Thanksgiving visit. An aging mutant superhero is forced to learn humility when the mayor kicks him upstairs to a desk job. And in the hard-boiled caper “The Big Nap”, a weary two-year-old detective struggles to make sense of “a world gone mad”.
Equal parts silly and sincere, New Teeth is an ode to growing up, growing older, and what it means to make a family.
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Point deduction for the recording
- By Amazon Customer on 11-21-20
By: Jerry Stahl, and others
-
Domestic Violets
- A Novel
- By: Matthew Norman
- Narrated by: Todd McLaren
- Length: 11 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 222
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 196
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 193
Tom Violet always thought that by the time he turned 35, he’d have everything going for him. Fame. Fortune. A beautiful wife. A satisfying career as a successful novelist. A happy dog to greet him at the end of the day. The reality, though, is far different. He’s got a wife, but their problems are bigger than he can even imagine. And he’s written a novel, but the manuscript he’s slaved over for years is currently hidden in his desk drawer while his father, an actual famous writer, just won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. His career, such that it is, involves mind-numbing corporate buzzwords....
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5 out of 5 stars
-
What a rollicking ride!
- By Pamela Harvey on 08-13-11
By: Matthew Norman
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The Royal We
- By: Heather Cocks, Jessica Morgan
- Narrated by: Christine Lakin
- Length: 17 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,496
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,248
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,243
An American girl finds her prince in this "fun and dishy" (People) royal romance inspired by Prince William and Kate Middleton. American Bex Porter was never one for fairy tales. Her twin sister Lacey was always the romantic, the one who daydreamed of being a princess. But it's adventure-seeking Bex who goes to Oxford and meets dreamy Nick across the hall - and Bex who finds herself accidentally in love with the heir to the British throne. Nick is wonderful, but he comes with unimaginable baggage.
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2 out of 5 stars
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I deserve a medal for getting to the endless end.
- By Anne on 09-30-17
By: Heather Cocks, and others
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Just a Guy
- Notes from a Blue Collar Life
- By: Bill Engvall, Alan Eisenstock
- Narrated by: Bill Engvall
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 627
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 491
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 489
Blue Collar Comedy star Bill Engvall is just a guy. He's been one his whole life. He can't help it; he was born that way. And that makes him an expert on the subject. For the record, here's the official definition of a guy: a person who doesn't think before he speaks. He can't. He's not that deep. Because a guy has only three basic needs: eating, sleeping, and sex. That's it. Just a Guy chronicles a lifetime in pursuit of those needs.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The Man Behind The Signs
- By Christopher on 12-07-07
By: Bill Engvall, and others
-
Bigger than the Game
- Restitching a Major League Life
- By: Dirk Hayhurst
- Narrated by: Stephen Hoye
- Length: 9 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 59
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 51
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 51
After nearly a decade in the minors, Dirk Hayhurst defied the odds to climb onto the pitcher's mound for the Toronto Blue Jays. Newly married, with a big league paycheck and a brand new house, Hayhurst was ready for a great season in the Bigs. Then fate delivered a crushing hit. Hayhurst blew out his pitching shoulder in an insane off-season workout program. After surgery, rehab, and more rehab, his major-league dreams seemed more distant than ever.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Garfoose continues to rule!
- By PMoney on 03-09-22
By: Dirk Hayhurst
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Welcome to the Monkey House
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: David Strathairn, Maria Tucci, Bill Irwin, and others
- Length: 11 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,018
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 712
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 711
Welcome to the Monkey House is a collection of Kurt Vonnegut's shorter works. Originally printed in publications as diverse as The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction and The Atlantic Monthly, what these superb stories share is Vonnegut's audacious sense of humor and extraordinary range of creative vision.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Classic Vonnegut
- By Michael Carrato on 08-17-06
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
The Admissions
- A Novel
- By: Meg Mitchell Moore
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 14 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 456
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 403
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 407
The Hawthorne family has it all. Great jobs, a beautiful house in one of the most affluent areas of Northern California, and three charming kids whose sunny futures are all but assured. And then comes their eldest daughter's senior year of high school....
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Anything for success
- By JillHen on 09-13-15
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The Hour I First Believed
- A Novel
- By: Wally Lamb
- Narrated by: George Guidall
- Length: 25 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,224
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 862
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 864
When high-school teacher Caelum Quirk and his wife, Maureen, move to Littleton, Colorado, they both get jobs at Columbine High School. In April 1999, while Caelum is away, Maureen finds herself in the library at Columbine, cowering in a cabinet and expecting to be killed. Miraculously, she survives. But when Caelum and Maureen flee to an illusion of safety on the Quirk family's Connecticut farm, they discover that the effects of chaos are not easily put right.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
excellent all around yarn
- By G. on 01-10-09
By: Wally Lamb
-
The Vanishing Season
- By: Joanna Schaffhausen
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
- Length: 8 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 128
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 118
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 119
Ellery Hathaway knows a thing or two about serial killers, but not through her police training. She's an officer in sleepy Woodbury, Massachusetts, where a bicycle theft still makes the newspapers. No one there knows she was once victim number 17 in the grisly story of serial killer Francis Michael Coben. The only victim who lived. When three people disappear from her town in three years, all around her birthday - the day she was kidnapped so long ago - Ellery fears someone knows her secret. Someone very dangerous.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Engaging mystery debut!
- By robbie mcgraw on 06-15-18
-
Fault Lines
- A Novel
- By: Emily Itami
- Narrated by: Lydia Wilson
- Length: 5 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 130
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 116
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 118
Mizuki is a Japanese housewife. She has a hardworking husband, two adorable children, and a beautiful Tokyo apartment. It’s everything a woman could want, yet sometimes she wonders whether she would rather throw herself off the high-rise balcony than spend another evening not talking to her husband and hanging up laundry.
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
Confused by the choice of narrator
- By Bri T. on 02-13-22
By: Emily Itami
-
Impostor
- Alexander Gregory, Book 1
- By: LJ Ross
- Narrated by: Hugh Dancy
- Length: 7 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 564
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 486
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 486
After an elite criminal profiling unit is shut down amid a storm of scandal and mismanagement, only one person emerges unscathed. Forensic psychiatrist Doctor Alexander Gregory has a reputation for being able to step inside the darkest minds to uncover whatever secrets lie hidden there, and soon enough he finds himself drawn into the murky world of murder investigation. In the beautiful hills of County Mayo, Ireland, a killer is on the loose. Panic has a stranglehold on its rural community, and the Garda are running out of time.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Great beginning to a new series
- By Maine Knitter on 11-03-19
By: LJ Ross
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2 out of 5 stars
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5 out of 5 stars
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5 out of 5 stars
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Seymour is the least popular student at Glendale, a private school in Manhattan. His new nickname, “Chunk-Style”, is in danger of entering common usage. But then he meets the new transfer student: Elliot Allagash, evil heir of America’s largest fortune. Elliot’s rampant delinquency has already gotten him expelled from dozens of prep schools. But despite his best efforts, he can’t get himself thrown out of Glendale; his father has simply donated too much money. Bitter and bored, Elliot amuses himself by transforming Seymour into the most popular student in the school.
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Great book.
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It Was You All Along
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Independent rapper, songwriter, singer, and producer Russ sells out concerts across America and around the globe, collaborating with top artists, such as Snoop Dogg, Joey Bada$$, Ed Sheeran, Rick Ross, Lil Baby, Jadakiss, Bia, and Mozzy to name a few. At twenty-seven, he became a bestselling author with the publication of his debut book, IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD. Now, at thirty-one, Russ returns with a second book even more profound and intimate than his first.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Therapy in a Book
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By: Russ
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Selected Shorts: Funny Business
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 48
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 42
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Story4 out of 5 stars 41
From wild and wacky to knee-slapping, laugh-out-loud fun, these humorous tales represent some of the best of recent seasons of the hit public radio series Selected Shorts. Comedian Wyatt Cenac gives a killer performance of Simon Rich’s hilarious tale of woe from the point of view of a condom in a young man’s wallet. Alec Baldwin gives a delightful over-the-top performance of James Thurber’s wonderfully silly classic tale of the day everybody in a small Ohio town thought the dam broke.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Some very entertaining, some not
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By: Simon Rich, and others
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Call for the Dead
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 78
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After an unremarkable interview, Circus agent George Smiley determines the subject of a standard security check—a civil servant in the Foreign Office named Samuel Fennan—poses no threat, nor presents any reason for suspicion of espionage. Hours later, Samuel Fennan is found dead by suicide. Suddenly finding himself under intense scrutiny, Smiley realizes the Circus intends to blame him for Fennan's death. Rather than remain idle, Smiley begins his own investigation into the nature of the man's demise.
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5 out of 5 stars
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An Understated Adventure that keeps you wondering.
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By: John Le Carré
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Under the Paper Moon
- By: Shaina Steinberg
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 54
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 48
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It's 1942, and as far as her father knows, Evelyn Bishop, heiress to an aeronautics fortune, is working as a translator in London. In truth, Evelyn—daring, beautiful, and as adept with a rifle as she is in five languages—has joined the Office of Strategic Services as a spy. Her goal is personal: to find her brother, who is being held as a POW in a Nazi labor camp. Through one high-risk mission after another, she is paired with the reckless and rebellious Nick Gallagher, growing ever close to him until the war's end brings with it an act of deep betrayal.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Short, engaging, and fun mystery!
- By Jason on 05-23-24
By: Shaina Steinberg
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I'm Terrified of Bath Time
- By: Simon Rich, Tom Toro - illustrator
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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And so begins a hilarious dip into the choppy waters of a nightly ritual that parents and children alike often dread. Filled with soapsuds, rubber duckies, and existential angst, Simon Rich’s book is a splashy tale of cleanliness - and survival. This irreverent treat about facing fear and embracing adventure might just change the way you see bath time (and your bathroom) forever.
By: Simon Rich, and others
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The Last Gifts of the Universe
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 5
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 5
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 5
Scout is an Archivist who scours the dead worlds of the cosmos for their last gifts: interesting technology, cultural rituals–anything left behind that might be useful to Home and their survival. During an excavation on a lifeless planet, Scout unearths something unbelievable: a surviving message from an alien who witnessed the world-ending entity thousands of years ago.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Underwhelming
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By: Riley August
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Without a Trace
- By: Danielle Steel
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 528
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 473
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 474
Charles Vincent seems to have it all—a beautiful wife, two successful children, and a well-paying career. Yet happiness remains out of reach. He is trapped in a loveless marriage and his job is simply a paycheck. But his life changes forever as he drives along the Normandy coast, heading to their lavish château for the weekend. In one terrifying moment, Charles falls asleep at the wheel and veers off the road, plunging thirty feet down the face of a rocky cliff. Miraculously, Charles survives.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Hard time finishing
- By Jltrova on 06-30-24
By: Danielle Steel
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Kiss and Don't Tell
- By: Meghan Quinn
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- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,023
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,886
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,883
Five hockey players, a cabin in the woods...and little old me, Winnie Berlin. Sounds like the start of a fantasy, right? But it's not. It's my reality. It all started when I got lost in the middle of the Canadian Rockies. A wicked thunderstorm sent my car mud sliding into a ditch, and for a girl whose survival skills involve finding the nearest Starbucks, I was in deep trouble. Forced to abandon my car in search of help, I stumbled upon a cabin in the middle of nowhere.
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4 out of 5 stars
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✫✫ 4 Stars ✫✫
- By ❤️Cyndi Marie❤️🎧Audiobook Addicts🎧 on 09-29-21
By: Meghan Quinn
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The Mysterious Affair at Styles
- By: Agatha Christie, Anna Lea - adaptation
- Narrated by: Peter Dinklage, Himesh Patel, Harriet Walter, and others
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- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 339
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 334
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 334
England, 1914. The world is at war. Captain Hastings, injured and shaken, is invited to Styles Court to recover. It’s a grand old country house - the family home of his old friend - and a perfect haven. Or so it seems. But in the blistering summer heat, trouble is afoot. Simmering tensions are tearing the family apart, and it all comes to a head in the most horrifying way.
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5 out of 5 stars
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It’s a perfect audible movie!
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Orbital
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 83
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 80
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A slender novel of epic power, Orbital deftly snapshots one day in the lives of six women and men hurtling through space—not towards the moon or the vast unknown, but around our planet. Selected for one of the last space station missions of its kind before the program is dismantled, these astronauts and cosmonauts—from America, Russia, Italy, Britain, and Japan—have left their lives behind to travel at a speed of over seventeen thousand miles an hour as the earth reels below.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Dull
- By ELLEZEE on 02-03-24
By: Samantha Harvey
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A Sorceress Comes to Call
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 275
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 260
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 260
Cordelia knows her mother is . . . unusual. Their house doesn’t have any doors between rooms—there are no secrets in this house—and her mother doesn't allow Cordelia to have a single friend. Unless you count Falada, her mother's beautiful white horse. The only time Cordelia feels truly free is on her daily rides with him. But more than simple eccentricity sets her mother apart. Other mothers don’t force their daughters to be silent and motionless for hours, sometimes days, on end. Other mothers aren’t sorcerers.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Fantastic listen!
- By Teresa Courtney on 08-26-24
By: T. Kingfisher
What listeners say about New Teeth
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kyle
- 11-04-21
Hilarious, Heartwarming and Heartbreaking
Fantastic set of short stories, must listen for any parent or future parent. I could not stop laughing then crying then laughing again at every story. So stupid and silly but also so heavy and thought provoking.
Performance by the reader was also really great and could have ruined the stories if he did not understand the beats, which I think he did a great job of hitting.
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5 people found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Vukodlak
- 01-27-22
Comedy is a serious business.
A collection of short stories, NEW TEETH ranges from bittersweet to damn!! Each chapter asks the question, "What If?"
Sometimes poignant, "Raised by wolves," to sketch material, "Tips for Parenting", and "Clobbo." Simon Rich has the skill to deliver.
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4 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Joseph G.
- 11-14-21
funniest book I've listened too
heard Simon Rich on Conan's podcast. this book is hilarious! the performances make each story come alive.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Thor Cheston
- 11-03-21
Brilliant
Brilliant is a very good way to describe this book I hope I now have enough word in this description
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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- JeanniebeannieB
- 06-29-22
Super silly, but fun!
Super silly, but fun! Definitely need to put your 'taking things too seriously' attitude aside. Fred Berman was did a great job as narrator.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance2 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Josh
- 10-04-24
This Deserves Better Reviews
This is a great escape in a world full of unchecked tradition. I love its serious silliness.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Kevin J. Yellick
- 08-29-21
this one will split your sides you'll laugh so har
FUNNY! this was my first book from this author and I loved it. you won't be disappointed.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Wes
- 10-25-21
Oh. My. God. This is amazing
Heard Simon's interview on Conan's podcast. Bought it that day. All the short stories are great, but "The Big Nap" is seriously one of the best AND funniest short stories I have EVER heard. I've listened to that short story 3 times so far and I bought it yesterday. Glorious comedy. As a comedy writer myself, it's nice to see someone so talented do so very very well. Huzzah!
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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- KBergin
- 04-29-22
Impossible to Categorize
What a delicious grab bag of the sublime and the ridiculous. A story may rest on a corny joke, a superhero past his prime, or a psychological examination of the doctor who is jealous of the attention his wife pays to the “Elephant Man.” Yes. There are real historical figures in here. I could never predict what kind of story would come next: hilarity, horror, a blasphemous or ridiculous moment in the life of Babe Ruth, a girl who was raised by wolves dreads their visit with her “normal” family for Thanksgiving. I especially love the quite serious advice on how to handle the “REAL monster problem” when you talk to your children. But what can I say overall?
About 60% of the stories really work. I laughed out loud. I admired the author’s inventiveness. I recommend to anyone who loved the first five+ years of Saturday Night Live.
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- Anonymous User
- 05-13-23
Another excellent one from Simon Rich
Enjoy it. Great writing; great performance. [and here are the additional words required for me to submit this review]
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