Mooses with Bazookas
And Other Stories Children Should Never Read
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Narrated by:
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S. D. Smith
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Rob Riggle
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Joel Clarkson
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Sarah Mackenzie
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Gina Smith
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Andy Harvey
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By:
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S. D. Smith
About this listen
Mooses with Bazookas: And Other Stories Children Should Never Read is a fun collection of stories. It’s exactly like The Count of Monte Cristo apart from the many differences. Our lawyers have instructed us to warn you that listening to it may directly cause you to come down with every single disease you are worried about contracting. On the plus side, our nation’s beloved and heroic critics have had their say.
“FANTASTIC is not a word that comes to mind.”
—Beth Hinkle, author of Elite Prose
“ASTOUNDING problems at the sentence level and beyond.”
—Dr. Roger Johns, Ph. D.
“S. D. SMITH IS in dire need of A GENIUS editor.”
—Art Simonson, Inner Ring Magazine
“This author had nothing MUCH BETTER to do THAN destroy the language of DICKENS, SHAKESPEARE, AUSTEN!”
—Yammy Tork, Good Lit Guild
S. D. Smith has been called “America’s aft-most wordsmith” and is the award-losing author of more than ten books and less than thirty-seven books. He is half-man, half-rabbit, and half-mathematician. He lives in West Virginia with his wife and four children, because it would be kinda weird to live with some other family and super weird not to live in West Virginia.
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- The Jack Zulu Series, Book 2
- By: S. D. Smith, J. C. Smith
- Narrated by: Zeno Robinson
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Jack Zulu explores a new realm in this fantastic adventure that stretches beyond Earth and into a world on the edge of destruction. Jack must search for answers about his fallen father’s story and risk everything to save the cause at the lost city of gold.
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Even when they think it’s impossible they never give up🥹
- By Abbey on 10-03-24
By: S. D. Smith, and others
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The Found Boys
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Andy Harvey
- Length: 1 hr and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
The mission was supposed to be fun—even funny—but things got serious quick. What follows is a daring journey with narrow escapes, attack dogs, deadly fires, and a friendship forged in shared peril. Three friends embark on an intrepid quest to retrieve a priceless treasure guarded by a menacing villain. But this is no fantasy. For Scott and his friends Tommy and Dooley, the danger is all too real. Unlikely heroes will emerge. Enemies will become allies. Powerful truths will be revealed.
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Heart warming story about reconciliation and forgiveness
- By River Song on 11-09-24
By: S. D. Smith
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Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key
- By: S. D. Smith, J. C. Smith
- Narrated by: Zeno Robinson
- Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key is an enchanting adventure in the tradition of Tolkien and Lewis, as well as Spielberg and Lucas. But this fantastical journey launches in rural West Virginia in the '80s, with a half-Appalachian, half-African kid trying to escape the town he sees defining his small, sad life. Jack discovers a gate hiding a city between 12 realms and finds out where he truly belongs in a surprising, satisfying adventure.
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Another epic tale for a great author!!
- By Shell27 on 01-26-23
By: S. D. Smith, and others
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The Dragon and the Stone (The Dream Keeper Saga Book 1)
- The Dream Keeper Saga
- By: Kathryn Butler
- Narrated by: Shannon McManus
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Even though she's only 12 years old, Lily McKinley already feels the weight of the world's brokenness. She's seen it in her mother's exhaustion, her grandmother's illness, and the cruelty of Adam, the bully at her school. But most tragically, she experienced it two months ago when her father died in a terrible accident. As an artistic daydreamer, Lily has a brilliant imagination to help her cope, but that imagination often gets her into trouble. One day, it transports her to a fantasy world called the Somnium Realm, where her father's secret history embroils her in an epic quest.
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exciting and fast moving adventure!
- By Stephanie on 09-23-24
By: Kathryn Butler
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The Bark of the Bog Owl
- The Wilderking Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Rogers
- Narrated by: Jonathan Rogers
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
12-year-old Aidan Errolson, comes from a long line of adventurers. His grandparents were among the first settlers of Corenwald's Eastern Frontier. His father had been one of the kingdom's greatest warriors. Aidan, on the other hand, lives the quiet, comfortable life, of a nobleman's son. He never has any real adventures, and that, he believes, is the one great injustice of his otherwise happy life. All that will change the day he first hears the bark of the bog owl, and meets Dobro Turtlebane.
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Our Family's New Favorite!
- By Charles Yates on 12-31-18
By: Jonathan Rogers
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The Last Archer
- Green Ember Archer, Book 1
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 1 hr and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Jo is a gifted archer with a burden on his back and a fire within. Eager to see the Longtreaders receive justice, he travels from his Halfwind Citadel home to a Cloud Mountain poised on the brink of war. What he finds there will confront his convictions and test his resolve as the war begins and King Jupiter's heir is revealed. A kingdom in the balance. An arrow aimed at the heart of darkness. Who will take the shot?
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“That was a great story.”
- By CW on 12-22-17
By: S. D. Smith
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Jack Zulu and the Girl with Golden Wings
- The Jack Zulu Series, Book 2
- By: S. D. Smith, J. C. Smith
- Narrated by: Zeno Robinson
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Jack Zulu explores a new realm in this fantastic adventure that stretches beyond Earth and into a world on the edge of destruction. Jack must search for answers about his fallen father’s story and risk everything to save the cause at the lost city of gold.
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Even when they think it’s impossible they never give up🥹
- By Abbey on 10-03-24
By: S. D. Smith, and others
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The Found Boys
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Andy Harvey
- Length: 1 hr and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
The mission was supposed to be fun—even funny—but things got serious quick. What follows is a daring journey with narrow escapes, attack dogs, deadly fires, and a friendship forged in shared peril. Three friends embark on an intrepid quest to retrieve a priceless treasure guarded by a menacing villain. But this is no fantasy. For Scott and his friends Tommy and Dooley, the danger is all too real. Unlikely heroes will emerge. Enemies will become allies. Powerful truths will be revealed.
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-
Heart warming story about reconciliation and forgiveness
- By River Song on 11-09-24
By: S. D. Smith
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Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key
- By: S. D. Smith, J. C. Smith
- Narrated by: Zeno Robinson
- Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key is an enchanting adventure in the tradition of Tolkien and Lewis, as well as Spielberg and Lucas. But this fantastical journey launches in rural West Virginia in the '80s, with a half-Appalachian, half-African kid trying to escape the town he sees defining his small, sad life. Jack discovers a gate hiding a city between 12 realms and finds out where he truly belongs in a surprising, satisfying adventure.
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Another epic tale for a great author!!
- By Shell27 on 01-26-23
By: S. D. Smith, and others
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The Dragon and the Stone (The Dream Keeper Saga Book 1)
- The Dream Keeper Saga
- By: Kathryn Butler
- Narrated by: Shannon McManus
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Even though she's only 12 years old, Lily McKinley already feels the weight of the world's brokenness. She's seen it in her mother's exhaustion, her grandmother's illness, and the cruelty of Adam, the bully at her school. But most tragically, she experienced it two months ago when her father died in a terrible accident. As an artistic daydreamer, Lily has a brilliant imagination to help her cope, but that imagination often gets her into trouble. One day, it transports her to a fantasy world called the Somnium Realm, where her father's secret history embroils her in an epic quest.
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exciting and fast moving adventure!
- By Stephanie on 09-23-24
By: Kathryn Butler
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The Bark of the Bog Owl
- The Wilderking Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Rogers
- Narrated by: Jonathan Rogers
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
12-year-old Aidan Errolson, comes from a long line of adventurers. His grandparents were among the first settlers of Corenwald's Eastern Frontier. His father had been one of the kingdom's greatest warriors. Aidan, on the other hand, lives the quiet, comfortable life, of a nobleman's son. He never has any real adventures, and that, he believes, is the one great injustice of his otherwise happy life. All that will change the day he first hears the bark of the bog owl, and meets Dobro Turtlebane.
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Our Family's New Favorite!
- By Charles Yates on 12-31-18
By: Jonathan Rogers
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The Last Archer
- Green Ember Archer, Book 1
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 1 hr and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jo is a gifted archer with a burden on his back and a fire within. Eager to see the Longtreaders receive justice, he travels from his Halfwind Citadel home to a Cloud Mountain poised on the brink of war. What he finds there will confront his convictions and test his resolve as the war begins and King Jupiter's heir is revealed. A kingdom in the balance. An arrow aimed at the heart of darkness. Who will take the shot?
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“That was a great story.”
- By CW on 12-22-17
By: S. D. Smith
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The Green Ember
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Joel Clarkson
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Heather and Picket are extraordinary rabbits with ordinary lives until calamitous events overtake them, spilling them into a cauldron of misadventures. They discover that their own story is bound up in the tumult threatening to overwhelm the wider world.
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Not Just for The Elementary Age Group
- By Chelle on 08-27-15
By: S. D. Smith
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The Black Star of Kingston
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 2 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
A century before Heather and Picket's adventures in The Green Ember, a displaced community fights for hope on the ragged edge of survival. Whitson Mariner and Fleck Blackstar face old fears and new enemies, forging a legend that will echo through the ages.
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An Enchanting Tale
- By BookWorm on 02-28-16
By: S. D. Smith
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Beneath the Swirling Sky
- The Restorationists
- By: Carolyn Leiloglou
- Narrated by: Michael Crouch
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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After an experience he’d rather forget, Vincent is determined to be done with art. So when he and his little sister, Lili, spend spring break with their art conservator great-uncle, Vincent’s plan is to stay glued to his phone. That is, until Lili disappears into one of the world’s most famous paintings and Vincent learns his parents have been hiding something from him: Their family is the last of The Restorationists, a secret society with the power to travel through paintings—and a duty to protect them from evil forces.
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Excellent middle grade novel
- By Gabe Moothart on 09-13-23
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Adventures with Waffles
- By: Maria Parr, Guy Puzey - translator, Kate Forrester - illustrator
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 3 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Hardly a day passes without Trille and Lena inventing some kind of adventure that often ends in trouble. Whether it's coaxing a cow onto a boat or tobogganing down the steepest and iciest hill with a chicken, there is always a thrill - and sometimes an injury - to be had. Trille loves to share everything with Lena, even Auntie Granny's waffles, which make everything just perfect. But when Lena has to move away, and Auntie Granny leaves the world, it sometimes seems nothing will ever be right again.
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very fun!
- By AnotherCustomer on 06-28-20
By: Maria Parr, and others
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The Prince of Yorsha Doon
- The Wingfeather Saga
- By: Andrew Peterson
- Narrated by: Andrew Peterson
- Length: 9 mins
- Unabridged
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The Prince of Yorsha Doon tells the story of Safiki—already beloved by thousands of Wingfeather fans—as he emerges from his life of solitary freedom and becomes an accidental hero. Life on the streets of the bustling and mysterious city of Yorsha Doon can be hard, but Safiki loves being independent, free from the complications of personal relationships. But when he bumps into a very strange stranger who's being far too conspicuous with the valuable book he's carrying, Safiki finds himself at the center of a noble but foolhardy rescue.
By: Andrew Peterson
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Outlaws of Time: The Legend of Sam Miracle
- By: N. D. Wilson
- Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Sam Miracle's life is made up of dreams - dreams where he's a courageous, legendary hero instead of a foster kid with two bad arms that can barely move. Sometimes these dreams feel so real, they seem like forgotten memories. And sometimes they make him believe that his arms might come alive again. But Sam is about to discover that the world he knows and the world he imagines are separated by only one thing: time. And that separation is only an illusion.
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Great writing, fun story
- By BC on 07-01-16
By: N. D. Wilson
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Nova
- The Starlore Legacy, Book 1
- By: Chuck Black
- Narrated by: Michael Orenstein, Austenne Grey
- Length: 6 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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A mighty empire…a lowly slave…a galaxy to save. Will a hero rise? Nova chronicles the early years of the Aurora Galaxy after the great war between two immortal races known as the Malakians and the Torians. The despot, Zari Treville, is leading the Torians on a campaign to rule the galaxy, but Supreme Chancellor Ell Yon, leader of the Malakians, stands in his way. Both races wield technology far beyond anything the human race has ever seen.
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How real it is and how I'm some parts it mirrors real life.
- By Angus on 11-30-24
By: Chuck Black
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A Ranger's Guide to Glipwood Forest
- The Wingfeather Saga
- By: Andrew Peterson
- Narrated by: Andrew Peterson
- Length: 1 hr and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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A Ranger’s Guide to Glipwood Forest expands the legend and lore of this treacherous land of fatal flora and fanged beasts—and the history of the first adventurers daring enough to brave the forest depths. Through detailed line art, maps, and directions, travelers can safely marvel at the majestic glipwood trees, poke around the (possibly haunted) Anklejelly Cavern, dip their toes into the Mighty River Blapp (if they dare!), and avoid falling off a cliff edge into the Dark Sea of Darkness and being swallowed by a sea dragon.
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Charming and beautiful!
- By Khyber on 05-13-24
By: Andrew Peterson
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The Mysterious Benedict Society
- By: Trenton Lee Stewart, Carson Ellis - illustrator
- Narrated by: Del Roy
- Length: 13 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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"Are you a gifted child looking for special opportunities?" Dozens of children respond to this peculiar ad in the newspaper and are then put through a series of mind-bending tests, which readers take along with them. Only four children—two boys and two girls—succeed. Their challenge: to go on a secret mission that only the most intelligent and inventive children could complete. To accomplish it they will have to go undercover at the Learning Institute for the Very Enlightened, where the only rule is that there are no rules.
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Great Mystery for kids or students
- By Mel J Johnson on 08-14-22
By: Trenton Lee Stewart, and others
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The God of the Garden
- Thoughts on Creation, Culture, and the Kingdom
- By: Andrew Peterson
- Narrated by: Andrew Peterson
- Length: 4 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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This book is in many ways a memoir, but it’s also an attempt to wake up the listener to the glory of God shining through his creation. One of the first commands to Adam and Eve was to “work and keep” the garden. Award-winning author and songwriter Andrew Peterson, being as honest as possible, shares a story of childhood, grief, redemption, and peace by walking through a forest of memories
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Almost too good
- By Okra on 03-03-22
By: Andrew Peterson
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Nothing Else but Miracles
- By: Kate Albus
- Narrated by: Carrie Coello
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Twelve-year-old Dory Byrne lives with her brothers on New York City's Lower East Side, waiting impatiently through the darkest hours of World War II for her pop to come home from fighting Hitler. Legally speaking, Dory's brother, Fish, isn't old enough to be in charge of Dory and her younger brother, Pike, but the neighborhood knows the score and, like Pop always says, "the neighborhood will give you what you need." There's the lady from the bakery, who saves them leftover crullers. The kind landlord who checks in on them.
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Refreshingly positive
- By Renetta Ruedemann on 09-26-23
By: Kate Albus
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Wingfeather Tales
- Seven Thrilling Stories from the World of Aerwiar
- By: Andrew Peterson - editor, Jonathan Rogers, N. D. Wilson, and others
- Narrated by: Andrew Peterson
- Length: 10 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Immerse yourself in a land of bomnubbles and quarreling cousins, sea dragons and book publishers, thieves and Fangs and secret maps. Inside this book lie seven stories of the distant past, lost adventures, forgotten songs, and heartbreaking histories. The Shining Isle is restored, but Aerwiar is vast - and these authors have tales yet to tell.
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I really loved this! ❤️❤️❤️
- By HBD on 05-20-21
By: Andrew Peterson - editor, and others
What listeners say about Mooses with Bazookas
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Kristen
- 02-27-24
Kids say "It's Hilarious!"
My kids loved Wally Warmbottom and his hilarious letters and play on words. Mooses in Bazookas was silly, funny, and overall entertaining. The only story we didn't care for was the one about the dog and the rocket, because the kids didn't get it, and wished that it was read differently.
Otherwise, the performance was just awesome!!
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- Kathryn E.
- 10-08-24
I'm pretty confident that I like it
5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐s my family and me laugh so hard when
this play5⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ p.s southy is my favorite part in the book
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- Meg
- 06-01-24
Awesome!
S.D. Smith has done it again!! It is fabulously funny and I love it!! I was hoping for the next Jack Zulu book to come out next but this one is just as good!
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- Susan M.
- 06-27-24
Everything was so funny! When we read this, I could not stop laughing!
Infinite stars! S. D. Is so funny and I love how interactive he is with his readers.
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- Sarah H
- 03-09-24
So much fun
Five stars! One for every kid who laughed the whole time.
I am going to put this in my memoirs.
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- Kailan Boland
- 05-24-24
Silly. That’s all I can say
I could (and have) listened to this over and over again. I wish I could leave 92545519045291540154901549015401063015945294529469163926 stars.
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-24-24
this is a funny book.
Moses with bazooka was my favorite. rocket and Elsie and Rocket on the other hand...
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- J Hill
- 03-21-24
I like bazookas so i tried this book out and i got hooked.
Why should you not read it? Because it has guns and bazookas says Wally Warmbottom, but i disagree,all children should read this book (or books). But you should know something. IT IS SUPER SILLY. I love this book 5 stars. Plus 500 more
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1 person found this helpful
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- Luke Murphy
- 02-23-24
How funny this was to my kids and myself
Thank you so much for writing this. We I've been able to gather around this book and laugh. My 6 and 7 year old giggle at the quote "Of course you don't care because all you care about is essential oils" 😆
We will be enjoying this book for years to come
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2 people found this helpful
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- Hannah
- 10-14-24
Our whole family loved it!!
Entertaining & hilarious. Tons of fun to listen to on a road trip. Parents, teens and littles enjoyed this book. So clever. Well done!!!
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