Ladyparts

A Memoir

By: Deborah Copaken

Narrated by: Deborah Copaken

A frank, witty, and dazzlingly written memoir of one woman trying to keep it together while her body falls apart — from the “brilliant mind” (Michaela Coel, creator of I May Destroy You) behind Shutterbabe

Named One of the Best Books of the Year by Real Simple • “The most laugh-out-loud story of resilience you’ll ever read and an essential road map for the importance of narrative as a tool of healing.” (Lori Gottlieb, best-selling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone)

I’m crawling around on the bathroom floor, picking up pieces of myself. These pieces are not a metaphor. They are actual pieces.

Twenty years after her iconic memoir Shutterbabe, Deborah Copaken is at her darkly comedic nadir: battered, broke, divorcing, dissected, and dying — literally — on sexism’s battlefield as she scoops up what she believes to be her internal organs into a glass container before heading off to the hospital...in an UberPool.

Ladyparts is Copaken’s irreverent inventory of both the female body and the body politic of womanhood in America, the story of one woman brought to her knees by the one-two-twelve punch of divorce, solo motherhood, healthcare Frogger, unaffordable childcare, shady landlords, her father’s death, college tuitions, sexual harassment, corporate indifference, ageism, sexism, and plain old bad luck. Plus seven serious illnesses, one atop the other, which provide the book’s narrative skeleton: vagina, uterus, breast, heart, cervix, brain, and lungs. Copaken bounces back from each bum body part, finds workarounds for every setback — she transforms her home into a commune to pay rent, sells her soul for health insurance, turns FBI informant when her sexual harasser gets a presidential appointment — but in her slippery struggle to survive a steep plunge off the middle-class ladder, she is suddenly awoken to what it means to have no safety net.

Side-splittingly funny one minute, a freak horror show the next, quintessentially American throughout, Ladyparts is an era-defining memoir.

©2021 Deborah Copaken (P)2021 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“The most laugh-out-loud story of resilience you’ll ever read and an essential road map for the importance of narrative as a tool of healing: How we tell our stories is just as important - if not more so - as the plot twists we experience.” (Lori Gottlieb, best-selling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone)

“Ladyparts is, quite simply, a beautiful book. Equal part harrowing and hilarious, enraging and heartwarming, it’s a memoir unlike any other. It will open your eyes to what it means to be female in a male world, older in a society built around youth worship - or just on the wrong side of variance when the lottery of genes and life doesn’t turn in your favor. And it will do it all while making you laugh, cry, and scream in turn. I couldn’t put it down.” (Maria Konnikova, The New York Times best-selling author of The Biggest Bluff and The Confidence Game)

“Ladyparts is a first-rate example of the contemporary memoir: harrowing, sad, funny, revelatory, true. Were you to misconstrue the title, you might think this was all simply anatomy, which would be fine, but as with all the best memoirs what this work really anatomizes is how it all feels - in the mind, in the soul, and in the nick of time. Copaken’s memoir is poignant, necessary, and very rewarding.” (Rick Moody, author of The Long Accomplishment: A Memoir of Hope and Struggle in Matrimony)

An important, “must read” that’s manages to be funny and relatable

I don’t think it’s possible to succinctly explain how much, and why, I loved this book. Copaken manages to draw a line connecting U.S. deficits in understanding mental health, women’s bodies, healthcare, child care, workplace ethics (including sex/gender/ and economic status discrimination), work-life balance and more. She does all of this with empathy, compassion, brutal self-deprecating honesty, humor and intelligence. She says all of the ugly uncomfortable things most of us are too afraid to say. Her raw humanity is remarkable. I rarely do this but I may actually read this book again.

Wow. Incredible story, writing and performance.

This is one of the best books I’ve ever read/listened to. It’s real and raw and very well written. I also really enjoyed the author reading it aloud. It was hilarious, informative, heartbreaking and entertaining. I loved how long it was because I didn’t want it to end. I plan on buying more of her books. I recommend this book to everyone.

Lovely. Poignant. Relevant. Timely.

Such an amazing book. Every man should listen to it. Kept me engrossed from end to end.

A literal must read.

As a 65 year old self proclaimed feminist growing more radical with age, I was gobsmacked more often than I care to admit. Wonderful work. Should be studied in every college women’s studies courses.

A gift of words

I’m a heavy audible listener / prior heavy traditional reader and this is likely a book I will remember for years to come, and just the right book for right now. Thank you, Deborah Copaken (if you ever read this), for giving words, beauty and life to your story, and giving me pieces I could relate to. I’m watching that Modern Love episode right now that your story inspired… without giving away more, read this book, it is raw, real, full of humor and such a gift.

Delightful, tough, important

I found myself taking notes as this writer goddess proffered her wisdom on everything from menopause to #metoo to the frightening state of healthcare in this country and the lack thereof for so many, especially as the gig economy takes over. Also a great read that kept me listening for more. Don’t be put off by the gory intro. I will be giving this book as a holiday gift to many women I know in their prime!

FTW: "Yes, and ... "

Deborah Copaken is a force, a pilot, a resolute voice albeit sometimes quavering in frustration during another indurated exit interview or when confronted with a hotel bill (plus meals) that was supposed to be taken care of by the studio in exchange for several days of script input on a buzzy, pay cable series helmed by showrunner Darren Starr. To ask how a lauded photojournalist with a professional resume replete with legacy media clips, network production credits, and New York Times bestsellers is living from paycheck to paycheck after a wrenching midlife marriage dissolution in addition to a series of ghastly medical emergencies is the same point of contention aimed at Copaken: disappointingly her most vocal and vicious detractors are women. Instead of criticizing me for talking about how insurmountable life is for the income unstable, why don't you write incisively about the factors contributing to this problem? 

No takers.

This is New York City when print media no longer had the budget to hire (good) writers and the Internet spurred a slew of cafe media start-ups of varying content and quality. These editorial spaces and regular columns and personal essays and script work are her only lifelines. This is a family's real day-to-day, where an unexpected win is undercut by a notice in the mail or a concerning biopsy or no food in the refrigerator. Ladyparts delights in New York-ness and serendipity, most touching in her friendship with Nora Ephron and Copaken's found family whose bonds are best exemplified by the deeply felt text and email exchanges recounted throughout. Adding to that resonant piece is the story of her own parents, the life they lived versus the lives they may have chosen outside of societal constraints or expectations. You can hear the love and admiration rush in with the acknowledgment of obligation, ascribed gender roles, and a certain time and place.  And, of course, the author's marriage: both her agency within and the difficulty in ending it.

The elegant construction reminds me of Barbara Grizzuti Harrison's 1996 memoir An Accidental Autobiography, another New Yorker known for her essays, journalism, and considered opinions. Yet another Barbara worth weighing here is noted writer and political activist Barbara Ehrenreich who, like Copaken, arms her arguments about economic class, income inequality, and social justice with data and facts and an innate sense of what's right. During a 2009 Elle magazine interview with Ehrenreich, she describes the negative emotional response to her posts on a breast cancer treatment message board due to her "anger." She remembers writing back to one of them, asking if they had ever read the Old Testament because it is "full of righteous anger."  So too is Ladyparts. The diagram on the cover cops to being a polemic, what with the faux genteel title and the flayed open lady. (Righteous) anger directed at our country and its unwillingness to provide affordable, early preventative healthcare to its citizens. (Righteous) anger at the medical community's incurious, plodding approach to gynecological concerns. (Righteous) anger at the disempowerment, the lack of agency afforded women seeking care.

My mom didn't die of Stage 4 cervical cancer. She died because it's all too easy to slot Medicaid patients into clinical trials where instead of recommending a radical hysterectomy for a woman of a certain age, the action plan relies on a periaortic lymph node dissection, not removing the cancer. Instead what followed was an intense regimen of internal/external radiation as well as chemotherapy. The most common after-effects were not discussed so the symptoms presented like apparitions before becoming detrimental i.e. fistulas, hydronephrosis, lymphedema, malabsorption, acidosis. Management protocols were assigned: compression garments, ostomy supplies, nephrostomy tubes, saline flushes, etc. She remained remarkably independent until a severe ischemic stroke impaired both her mobility and some cognitive functions. Thereafter, my mom required emergency hospital intervention throughout because of poor kidney function, a result of her care team neglecting to change out her indwelling stents after the initial placement. Though several years out from her 2005 diagnosis, the anger and regret for what she went through are substantial and life-changing. 

Ours is not an unfamiliar or uncommon story, though, and neither is Copaken's. Ladyparts, somewhat set apart with its horror movie clots in covered containers, becomes more relatable - to city dwellers anyway - with an appearance from a double-talking apartment broker and having to contend with unyielding direct supervisors half your age while chasing eligibility for health insurance. Still, gratitude is the fruit, like when one of the author's birthday wishes is a string of stable days for ALL women. I love it. Deborah Copaken's story of a life-in-progress, its voice as funny as it is gracious, is so vital for right now, planting a flag for community, compassion, healing, and self-love at any age. 

"Yes, and ..." (please).

Relatable for Women

While I loved the messages in the book. I helped stressed the entire time I listen to it. Let’s hope we do better as a society for women, with healthcare, and create a better gig economy.

Her depth of honesty was brillant

I fortunately listened to this book instead of reading it (though I am certain I would have loved it too in its written form). But to hear Deborah tell her own story was amazing. I could hear her angst, her bewilderment, her rage, her love personified with every word. If it was a work of fiction I might be in disbelief that any human could have the health issues she has had and survived, much less the financial struggles that she has overcome. I thought of the Biblical Job whose faith is tested with challenges. What Deborah overcame is breathtaking in its scope and intensity. After finishing this book, I have gotten the courage to be even more honest in my emails to my friends and family about my own journey with Stage IV cancer. Deborah has inspired me. I thank her for that. You go girl!!

Excellent story and excellent delivery!

Deborah is a born storyteller and I thoroughly enjoyed her sharing her skills and story in this book -- it was like sitting down with a very good friend and hearing what has been going on in their crazy, hectic life. I related to so much of what she has gone through as a woman, I was shouting along with her as she described her experiences and emotions, especially the frustration with "modern" healthcare and the health insurance dance. It was an extra special treat to hear her talk about meeting Nora Ephron, one of my all-time favorites, and what it was like to be close friends with her. I was sad when I reached the end, and look forward to any future work she releases.