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Just Add Water, Money Back Guarantee and Optical Delusion [Dramatized Adaptation]
Mail Order Massacres
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By:
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Hunter Shea
About this listen
Open your eyes with “X-ray” vision!
Put on a pair of “X-Ray” glasses and things will never look the same! These almost magical specs will make you the hit of the party! Astonishing three-dimensional X-ray visions of what your friends - and girls - look like under their clothes! And all for just one dollar. After his son gives him a pair as a gift, Martin Blackstone tries them on just for the hell of it - and all they do is give him a headache...until he sees things he can’t possibly be seeing. Glimpses of things on the other side of a wall or beneath someone’s clothing. He wants to believe it’s just his overactive imagination, but the “X-ray” specs actually work. Then the fun novelty becomes a waking nightmare when the glasses burn into his face and he starts seeing horrifying apocalyptic visions no mortal man was ever meant to see. Images that alter his very personality - from a husband and father to a bloodthirsty homicidal maniac.... Because sometimes you can see too much.
Grow amazing live sea serpents!
It’s fun! It’s easy! They only cost $4.99. Just clip out the ad in your comic book. Then ask Mom to mail it in. A few weeks later, receive a packet of instant Sea Serpent dust. Then: Just add water...and watch them grow! Just ask David and Patrick. Their “instant pets” are instant duds. They don’t hatch, they don’t grow, they don’t do anything. So they dump them into the sewer where their dad pours toxic chemicals.... It’s been a couple days since David and Patrick thought about those Sea Serpents. But now, small animals are disappearing in the neighborhood. Strange slimy creatures are rising from the sewers. And once the screaming starts, David and Patrick realize that their childhood pets really did come to life. With a vengeance. They’re enormous...and have a ravenous hunger for human flesh....
Your money back or your life....
Protect America’s shores with your very own nuclear submarine! Constructed from durable fiberboard material, this submersible is large enough for two kids! Sail off into imaginative international intrigue for just five dollars! If this toy doesn’t float your boat, return it for a full refund! With her son’s heart set on piloting his own nuclear submarine, Rosemary Lanchester orders the craft advertised on the back of a comic book. What arrives is more substandard than submarine, but her son loves the cheap piece of cardboard. Until he and a friend nearly drown when they take the sub for a deep sea dive in the swimming pool. Enraged, Rosemary reports the toy’s manufacturer to the Better Business Bureau. The company’s customer service center retaliates with threatening phone calls. Then her son and husband mysteriously disappear. To save her family, Rosemary tracks down the company’s headquarters with the help of her brother - a survivalist with enough toys of his own to wage an all-out war. And she still wants her five dollars.
Performed by Scott McCormick, Scott Graham, Amanda Forstrom, Matthew Keenan, Paul Reisman, Chris Stinson, Dylan Lynch, KenYatta Rogers, Harley Gordon, Marni Penning, Terence Aselford, Yasmin Tuazon, Jonathon Church, Zeke Alton, Al Twanmo, Alejandro Ruiz, Nathanial Perry, Tony Nam, Lynette Rathnam, Eric Messner, Matthew Bassett, Michael Glenn, Jonathon Church, Matthew Schleigh, Joe Mallon, Bruce Alan Rauscher, Christopher Walker, Eva Wilhelm, Jacob Yeh, Yasmin Tuazon, Zeke Alton, Dani Stoller, Colleen Delany, Evan Casey, Michael John Casey, Bradley Smith, Ken Jackson, Tia Shearer, Marni Penning, David Jourdan, Drew Kopas, Nanette Savard, Chris Stinson, Katy Carkuff.
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Story
Caim makes his living on the edge of a blade, but when a routine job goes south, he is thrust into the middle of an insidious plot. Pitted against crooked lawmen, rival killers, and sorcery from the Other Side, his only allies are Josephine, the socialite daughter of his last victim, and Kit, a guardian spirit no one else can see. But in this fight for his life, Caim only trusts his knives and his instincts, but they won't be enough when his quest for justice leads him from Othir's hazardous back alleys to its shining corridors of power.
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A quick and entertaining read!
- By Jonathan Sloan on 05-11-25
By: Jon Sprunk
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A Perfect Shadow [Dramatized Adaptation]
- The Night Angel Trilogy
- By: Brent Weeks
- Narrated by: full cast, Dylan Lynch, David Coyne, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 2 mins
- Original Recording
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Gaelan Starfire is a farmer, happy to be a husband and a father; a careful, quiet, simple man. He’s also an immortal, peerless in the arts of war. Over the centuries, he’s worn many faces to hide his gift, but he is a man ill-fit for obscurity and all too often he’s become a hero, his very names passing into legend: Acaelus Thorne, Yric the Black, Hrothan Steelbender, Tal Drakkan, Rebus Nimble.
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music and sound effects too loud
- By Meihswei on 03-21-22
By: Brent Weeks
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Recurve
- The Elemental Series, Book 1
- By: Shannon Mayer
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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"My name is Larkspur, and I am an Elemental." My people use the power of the earth to sustain life and defy our enemies. I should be at my father's side as a royal princess. But as a half-breed, bastard child, that isn't going to happen. I've been accused of attacking the queen, my wicked stepmother, and my life is suddenly on the line. I have only two options left to me: banishment, or training to become one of the King's Elite Guards, an Ender. Option one will kill me. Option two is meant to break me, but is the only way to survive.
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Avatar on Steroids
- By MVA on 05-11-17
By: Shannon Mayer
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A Study in Brimstone [Dramatized Adaptation]
- Warlock Holmes, Book 1
- By: G. S. Denning
- Narrated by: full cast, Scott McCormick, Eric Messner, and others
- Length: 7 hrs and 59 mins
- Original Recording
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Sherlock Holmes is an unparalleled genius. Warlock Holmes is an idiot. A font of arcane power, certainly. But he’s brilliantly dim. Frankly, he couldn’t deduce his way out of a paper bag. The only thing he has really got going for him are the might of a thousand demons and his stalwart companion. Thankfully, Dr. Watson is always there to aid him through the treacherous shoals of Victorian propriety...and save him from a gruesome death every now and again.
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Hilarious and brought me so much joy.
- By Tory Thai on 12-02-23
By: G. S. Denning
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Night Shift [Dramatized Adaptation]
- Jill Kismet, Book 1
- By: Lilith Saintcrow
- Narrated by: full cast, Julie-Ann Elliott, Thomas Keegan, and others
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Original Recording
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Not everyone can take on the things that go bump in the night. Not everyone tries. But Jill Kismet is not just anyone. She's a Hunter, trained by the best - and in over her head. Welcome to the night shift....
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So far…
- By A on 01-12-25
By: Lilith Saintcrow
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The Boys: Volume 1 [Dramatized Adaptation]
- The Boys, Book 1
- By: Garth Ennis
- Narrated by: full cast, David Coyne, Eric Messner, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 5 mins
- Original Recording
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In a world where costumed heroes soar through the sky and masked vigilantes prowl the night, someone has to make sure the "supes" don't get out of line. And someone will! Billy Butcher, Wee Hughie, Mother's Milk, The Frenchman, and The Female are The Boys: a CIA-backed team of very dangerous people, each one dedicated to the struggle against the most dangerous force on Earth - superpower! Some superheroes have to be watched. Some have to be controlled. And some of them - sometimes - need to be taken out of the picture. That's when you call in The Boys!
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So-So Adaptation
- By ArcaneBard on 01-08-21
By: Garth Ennis
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Knight Life [Dramatized Adaptation]
- Modern Arthur Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Peter David
- Narrated by: full cast, Terence Aselford, Matthew Keenan, and others
- Length: 8 hrs
- Original Recording
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More than 1,500 years after his disappearance into the mists of Avalon, King Arthur has returned. This time, he's prepared to rule the Camelot of a new millennium: New York City. Handsome, charismatic Arthur Penn is running for mayor on a platform of common sense, humor, and knightly virtues. His advisors include a gifted 10-year-old named Merlin; Percival, an immortal accountant; and Gwen, a lovely young woman with no end of problems.
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Great fun for any fan of King Arthur
- By Alexis on 09-22-23
By: Peter David
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Death Becomes Her
- The Kurtherian Gambit, Book 1
- By: Michael Anderle
- Narrated by: Emily Beresford
- Length: 6 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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What you thought you knew about vampires and werewolves is wrong...so very, very, wrong. A thousand years of effort to keep the Unknown World hidden is unraveling and the Patriarch is tired. He needs to find someone to take over. He finds Bethany Anne.
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Vamp action at its' finest
- By BikeVON on 04-19-17
By: Michael Anderle
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This Cleansing Fire [Dramatized Adaptation]
- Templar Chronicles, Book 0
- By: Joseph Nassise
- Narrated by: full cast, Richard Rohan, David Coyne, and others
- Length: 52 mins
- Original Recording
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Captain Cade Williams and the newly formed Echo Team are sent to the city of Boston to investigate reports of a mysterious blood cult and the disappearance of several members of the Templar Order. What they find will have repercussions that echo well into the future....This story introduces the character of Cade Williams, a former Boston SWAT officer who developed certain unusual powers in the wake of an encounter with a supernatural entity known as the Adversary.
By: Joseph Nassise
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Night of the Mannequins
- By: Stephen Graham Jones
- Narrated by: Gary Tiedemann
- Length: 2 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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One last laugh for the summer as it winds down. One last prank just to scare a friend. Bringing a mannequin into a theater is just some harmless fun, right? Until it wakes up. Until is starts killing. Luckily, Sawyer has a plan. He'll be a hero. He'll save everyone to the best of his ability. He'll kill as many people as he needs to so he can save the day. That's the thing about heroes - sometimes you have to become a monster first.
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Sad that it ended
- By Jason on 03-12-21
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Resurrection Pass
- By: Kurt Anderson
- Narrated by: full cast, Nanette Savard, Zeke Alton, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 27 mins
- Original Recording
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Some call it a spirit, a demon. Others, an all-consuming force of nature. According to Cree legend, it goes by the name of Wendigo. For a hundred years it has been sleeping. Resting beneath the earth. Buried in a godless no-man’s-land known as Resurrection Pass....
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should of been better
- By Kindle Customer on 07-30-24
By: Kurt Anderson
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The Knight of the Swords [Dramatized Adaptation]
- Corum, Book 1
- By: Michael Moorcock
- Narrated by: full cast, Nanette Savard, Chris Genebach, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
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The ancient races, the Vadhagh and the Nhadragh, are dying. By creating Mankind, the universe has condemned Earth to a pestilence of destruction and fear. Prince Corum is the last remaining Vadhagh. He sets out on a crusade of vengeance against the forces that slaughtered his family and his race, to challenge the unjust power of the puppet masters of Man: the Lords of Chaos. Along the way he will barter with his soul for the limbs of gods to repair his mutilated body and will encounter a member of the very race who caused the mutilation, the irresistible Rhalina....
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I finally understand + Excellent performances!
- By Chris on 08-19-21
By: Michael Moorcock
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The North Woods
- By: Douglass Hoover
- Narrated by: Dylan Wheeler
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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When two marines and their corpsman reunite after a decade apart, they find themselves caught up in the mystery of their former squad leader’s disappearance. With little more to go on than a handful of disturbing charcoal sketches and the whispers of a local legend, they plunge into the depths of one of America’s last truly wild places. But the trees themselves begin to whisper dark secrets. Secrets of trafficking and violence. Of rotten science and blood. Of something else that lurks in the shadows of the pines—something ancient, savage, and hungry.
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Author’s Note at end saved it for me.
- By Amazon Customer on 12-24-24
By: Douglass Hoover
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Gideon Smith and the Mechanical Girl [Dramatized Adaptation]
- Gideon Smith, Book 1
- By: David Barnett
- Narrated by: full cast, Terence Aselford, Bradley Smith, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
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London might as well be a world away from Sandsend, a tiny village on the Yorkshire coast. Gideon Smith dreams of the adventure promised him by the lurid tales of Captain Lucian Trigger, the Hero of the Empire, told in Gideon’s favorite “penny dreadful.” When Gideon’s father is lost at sea in highly mysterious circumstances Gideon is convinced that supernatural forces are at work. Deciding only Captain Lucian Trigger himself can aid him, Gideon sets off for London. On the way he rescues the mysterious mechanical girl Maria from a tumbledown house of shadows and iniquities.
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A Great Experience
- By Robert Strange on 03-09-21
By: David Barnett
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Goblin Quest [Dramatized Adaptation]
- Goblin Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jim C. Hines
- Narrated by: full cast, Nanette Savard, Dylan Lynch, and others
- Length: 6 hrs and 18 mins
- Original Recording
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Jig the goblin was the runtiest member of an admittedly puny race. Jig was scrawny, so nearsighted as to be almost blind, and had such a poor self-image that when he chose a god to worship, it was one of the forgotten ones - after all, what other sort of god would have him as worshiper? He also had a cowardly fire-spider for a pet, a creature that was likely to set your hair on fire if it got into a panic. Made to stand tunnel watch by the goblin bullies who'd been assigned the job, it was just Jig's luck to be taken captive by a group of adventurers.
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Theater of the mind
- By Muharrem on 04-02-21
By: Jim C. Hines
So good I'm on my 3rd listen!
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Horror perfection!
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Great anthology!!
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calling1
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Well worth the time and listen. Get it, I'll be listening to it again.
Fantastic
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The stories , the narrator , so entertaining! Its got a Creepshow feeling to it !
I highly recommend it!
Excellent!
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10 Stars!!!!
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LOVE, LOVE, LOVE
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Addicted
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The story about the X ray glasses that makes a person see too much that they go insane
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