If This Then That
Stories of Unintended Consequences
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If This Then That
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Narrated by:
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Barney Goodall
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Leo Goodall
About this listen
Millennial snowflakes clash with baby boomers in this collection of stories.
Nineteen tales of human connection and disconnection that collide and subvert the half-crazed romantic contemporary, the not-so-distant rosy past, our dodgy-looking, promised cyberpunk utopia, and our post-apocalyptic dystopian future. Provocative, wistful, melancholic, nightmarish, darkly funny, and satirical, these episodes must surely play out logically. Or not.
How far will these characters go for love, understanding, or survival? To Sainsbury’s, the Caribbean, Tibet, up a ladder, under Biotech’s robotic knives, or even to the brink of sanity?
A pack of reluctant, hopeful, lone wolves - one builds a cabin, one a bike, and another joins a teen gang. The refugee, the bereaved, the gaslighted child, and the helpful neighbor all wander. The quixotic therapy addict just fibs like hell. And the porn voyeurs? The "always-on" algorithm. Search engine media junkies? Well, they do what they do right now.
Welcome to the curious world of If This Then That.
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Humor? Not Funny.
- By W Perry Hall on 04-10-16
By: Jonathan Lee
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Sweet Sorrow
- The Long-Awaited New Novel from the Best-Selling Author of One Day
- By: David Nicholls
- Narrated by: Rory Kinnear
- Length: 12 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 78
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 68
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 68
From the best-selling author of One Day comes a bittersweet and brilliantly funny coming-of-age tale about the heart-stopping thrill of first love - and how just one summer can forever change a life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A delight in every way!
- By Jennifer on 04-24-22
By: David Nicholls
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I Couldn't Love You More
- A Novel
- By: Esther Freud
- Narrated by: Niamh Cusack
- Length: 10 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 34
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 29
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Story4 out of 5 stars 29
A sweeping story of three generations of women, crossing from London to Ireland and back again, and the enduring effort to retrieve the secrets of the past.
By: Esther Freud
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The Wisdom of Sally Red Shoes
- A Novel
- By: Ruth Hogan
- Narrated by: Elaine Claxton
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 108
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 92
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 92
Once a spirited, independent woman with a rebellious streak, Masha's life was forever changed by a tragic event 12 years ago. Unable to let go of her grief, she finds comfort in her faithful canine companion Haizum and peace in the quiet lanes of her town's swimming pool. Almost without her realizing it, her life has shuddered to a halt.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Sweet Story
- By Nancy Briggs on 12-14-19
By: Ruth Hogan
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Fault Lines
- A Novel
- By: Emily Itami
- Narrated by: Lydia Wilson
- Length: 5 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 130
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 116
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Story4 out of 5 stars 118
Mizuki is a Japanese housewife. She has a hardworking husband, two adorable children, and a beautiful Tokyo apartment. It’s everything a woman could want, yet sometimes she wonders whether she would rather throw herself off the high-rise balcony than spend another evening not talking to her husband and hanging up laundry.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Confused by the choice of narrator
- By Bri T. on 02-13-22
By: Emily Itami
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Booked for the Holidays
- By: Liz Maverick
- Narrated by: Eva Kaminsky, Andrew Eiden
- Length: 3 hrs and 41 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 569
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 560
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 560
When mystery author D. B. Ziegler is late delivering her book, Abi Schore steps in to help. Surely she can give her favorite author moral support over the holiday break and get the manuscript to her boss at Tea & Sympathy Publishing in time for the new year. When Abi shows up on Ms. Ziegler’s doorstep bearing holiday treats, she’s met by the author’s handsome grandson Dov, who reveals a startling plot twist. His grandmother isn’t able to finish the book and Dov promised he’d complete it so fans won’t be disappointed—a task that’s harder than he ever imagined.
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5 out of 5 stars
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What a gem!
- By Joanna N. on 11-14-24
By: Liz Maverick
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George Orwell’s 1984
- An Audible Original adaptation
- By: George Orwell, Joe White - adaptation
- Narrated by: Andrew Garfield, Cynthia Erivo, Andrew Scott, and others
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 8,157
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 7,762
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 7,761
It’s 1984, and life has changed beyond recognition. Airstrip One, formerly known as Great Britain, is a place where Big Brother is always watching, and nobody can hide. Except, perhaps, for Winston Smith. Whilst working at the Ministry of Truth, rewriting history, he secretly dreams of freedom. And in a world where love and sex are forbidden, where it’s hard to distinguish between friend and foe, he meets Julia and O’Brien and vows to rebel.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A Revelation!
- By wotsallthisthen on 04-07-24
By: George Orwell, and others
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Mr. and Mrs. Christmas
- By: Michelle Stimpson
- Narrated by: Marcella Cox, Ian Hackney
- Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 97
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 92
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 92
There's no place like home for the holidays ... especially for Lesley Carver. Life in the big city just wasn't her jam and now she's back in Hickory Falls, working at the family diner and helping her mom after she took a tumble. Lesley longs to build a life here, working at the cafe, selling her handmade ornaments and ... er, apparently reviving her high school crush on her best friend’s older brother. Only one problem, her mom wants her to leave Hickory Falls far behind.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Loved the book!
- By Amazon Customer on 11-15-24
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Holiday Hideaway
- A Short Story
- By: Mary Kay Andrews
- Narrated by: Eva Kaminsky
- Length: 1 hr and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 283
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 272
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 272
Tilly Farriday isn’t feeling very jolly this season. Recently divorced and broke, she’s squatting in one of her rental agency’s properties until her new home is ready. The sprinkles on top of the burnt Christmas cookie that is her life? The new owner shows up early, forcing Tilly to hide in the attic to save her job…and what remains of her dignity.
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4 out of 5 stars
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I ain’t afraid of no ghosts
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 10-31-24
By: Mary Kay Andrews
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The Art of War
- By: Sun Tzu
- Narrated by: Aidan Gillen
- Length: 1 hr and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 41,409
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 34,291
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 33,872
The 13 chapters of The Art of War, each devoted to one aspect of warfare, were compiled by the high-ranking Chinese military general, strategist, and philosopher Sun-Tzu. In spite of its battlefield specificity, The Art of War has found new life in the modern age, with leaders in fields as wide and far-reaching as world politics, human psychology, and corporate strategy finding valuable insight in its timeworn words.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The actual book The Art of War, not a commentary
- By Fred271 on 12-31-19
By: Sun Tzu
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Dead Med
- By: Freida McFadden
- Narrated by: Patricia Santomasso, Scott Merriman
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 783
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 762
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 762
When Heather McKinley dreamed of becoming a doctor, she imagined curing sick kids and sporting pink stethoscopes. She never anticipated the sleepless nights, grueling exams, and endless labs. And she certainly never knew that her medical school earned the nickname Dead Med thanks to the tragic history of students overdosing on illegal drugs. But Heather would never consider doing anything like that. That is, until her longtime boyfriend dumps her, she finds herself failing anatomy, and her world starts to crumble.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Hmm
- By Morgan Meaux on 08-22-24
By: Freida McFadden
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Home Is Where the Bodies Are
- By: Jeneva Rose
- Narrated by: January LaVoy, Cassandra Campbell, Brittany Pressley, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,033
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,917
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,917
After their mother passes, three estranged siblings reunite to sort out her estate. Beth, the oldest, never left home. She stayed with her mom, caring for her until the very end. Nicole, the middle child, has been kept at arm’s length due to her ongoing battle with a serious drug addiction. Michael, the youngest, lives out of state and hasn’t been back to their small Wisconsin town since their father ran out on them seven years before.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Perfect Audio.
- By Black Women Read Too on 05-19-24
By: Jeneva Rose
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Technically Speaking
- By: Michael Elliot
- Narrated by: Coco Jones, Keith Powers, Queen Latifah, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 50 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,299
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,283
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,283
Oakland-bred LaVeesha “Vee” Gilliam (Coco Jones) is a determined single mother of an autistic son and a gifted aspiring coder. When Vee loses her job as a food-services worker at the onsite restaurant at Grapengine, a large Silicon Valley tech company, she’s unable to pay for her son’s much-needed specialized education. By a twist of fate, mistaken identity, and her tech skills, Vee meets Troy Wilson (Keith Powers), the company’s wealthy founder and CEO and a wunderkind in the tech industry, who believes that Vee is a college-educated techie who works at his company.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Overdue Diverse Representation in Tech!
- By Jatai Pollock on 09-26-24
By: Michael Elliot
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Ghost Stories: Stephen Fry's Definitive Collection
- By: Stephen Fry, Washington Irving, M.R. James, and others
- Narrated by: Stephen Fry
- Length: 8 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 641
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 550
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 550
As the days grow shorter and the temperature drops, Halloween approaches. Come, brave listener, pull up a chair, and spend some time with master storyteller Stephen Fry as he tells us some of his favourite ghost stories of all time, in truly terrifying spatial audio. From the headless horseman of Sleepy Hollow to the tortured spirits of M.R. James, from Edgar Allan Poe’s terrifying tale of a doppelganger to Charlotte Riddell’s Open Door that should definitely stay shut, join Stephen as he tells you some truly terrifying tales.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Wonderful narration. Mediocre stories.
- By Michael Fuchs on 11-07-23
By: Stephen Fry, and others
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Fahrenheit 451
- By: Ray Bradbury
- Narrated by: Tim Robbins
- Length: 5 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 32,590
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 29,005
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 28,960
Guy Montag is a fireman. In his world, where television rules and literature is on the brink of extinction, firemen start fires rather than put them out. His job is to destroy the most illegal of commodities, the printed book, along with the houses in which they are hidden. Montag never questions the destruction and ruin his actions produce, returning each day to his bland life and wife, Mildred, who spends all day with her television "family."
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4 out of 5 stars
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Wish I Hadn't Cliff Noted This in High School
- By Joel on 03-27-17
By: Ray Bradbury
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Starship Troopers
- By: Robert A. Heinlein
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 909
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 865
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 865
Johnnie Rico never really intended to join up—and definitely not the infantry. But now that he’s in the thick of it, trying to get through combat training harder than anything he could have imagined, he knows everyone in his unit is one bad move away from buying the farm in the interstellar war the Terran Federation is waging against the Arachnids. Because everyone in the Mobile Infantry fights. And if the training doesn’t kill you, the Bugs are more than ready to finish the job.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The definitive version!
- By Kristopher G. Hesson on 10-03-24