If I Were You
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If I Were You
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Narrated by:
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Nancy Cartwright
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By:
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L. Ron Hubbard
About this listen
Does size matter? Is bigger better? That’s no small question to Tom Little - the circus midget with giant dreams.
Tom may be king of the midgets, but he’s got far grander ambitions - to become the muscleman at the top, the ringmaster. Now, drawing on some dark ancient secrets and mystic texts, he’s about to get his wish....
Assuming another man’s identity, Tom discovers he must also take on his sins, debts, and enemies. He may be living large - but now there are those who want to make him pay for the big man’s sins.
Also includes “The Last Drop”, an astounding tale of a New York bartender who mixes some very magical drinks - to amazing effect.
The circus is coming to town, as the audio version of If I Were You puts you in the center ring of the magic, mystery, and madness.
“Wonderfully entertaining...excellent audio quality, talented performers, great sound effects.” (School Library Journal)
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Critic reviews
"The fascinating thing to me is that L. Ron Hubbard's fantasy stories, first published 50 and 60 years ago, are not dated in style, content or language. They are as fresh and interesting for times right now as they were when he conceived them." (Anne McCaffrey)
“Unexpected twists...keep you guessing as to what will happen next.” (SFsite.com)
"A master of the fast-action short story." (Robert A. Heinlein)
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-
Story4 out of 5 stars 275
The Imperial Merchant Ship Chathrand is the last of her kind. Six hundred years old, the secrets of her construction long forgotten, the massive vessel dwarfs every other sailing craft in the world. It is a palace with sails, a floating outpost of the Empire of Arqual. And it is on its most vital mission yet: to deliver a young woman whose marriage will seal the peace between Arqual and its mortal enemy, the secretive Mzithrin Empire.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Not Bad, not great.
- By Aerindel on 10-15-09
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Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher
- By: Bruce Coville
- Narrated by: Bruce Coville
- Length: 2 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 207
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 164
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 166
If Howard Morton and Freddie the Frog Killer were trying to hold you down so that Mary Lou Hutton could kiss you, you might run as fast as Jeremy Thatcher did the day he stumbled into Mr. Elives' Magic Shop. And if you stumbled into that strange shop, you, too, might be asked to make a choice. What would you buy? The Chinese rings? The Skull of Truth? Or the dragon's egg?
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5 out of 5 stars
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love this book as a kid
- By Jamie wool on 11-16-17
By: Bruce Coville
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A Graveyard for Lunatics
- Another Tale of Two Cities
- By: Ray Bradbury
- Narrated by: Andrew Garman
- Length: 10 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 61
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 53
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Story4 out of 5 stars 52
Halloween Night, 1954. A young, film-obsessed scriptwriter has just been hired at one of the great studios. An anonymous investigation leads from the giant Maximus Films backlot to an eerie graveyard separated from the studio by a single wall. There he makes a terrifying discovery that thrusts him into a maelstrom of intrigue and mystery - and into the dizzy exhilaration of the movie industry at the height of its glittering power.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Brilliant!!!
- By Sally R. on 08-20-19
By: Ray Bradbury
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Great American Stories
- By: Mark Twain, Stephen Crane, Ambrose Bierce
- Narrated by: Patrick Fraley, Patrick Hagan
- Length: 5 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 108
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 91
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Story4 out of 5 stars 90
Here are 10 unabridged stories by the greatest American authors. These treasured stories from the most influential authors of the 19th and early 20th centuries were selected for their literary importance as well as their dramatic oral qualities.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great Classic Stories
- By kutzkai on 03-13-21
By: Mark Twain, and others
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The Anubis Gates
- By: Tim Powers
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot
- Length: 15 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,471
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,348
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,345
When Brendan Doyle is flown from America to London to give a lecture on Samuel Taylor Coleridge, little does he expect that he will soon be traveling through time and meeting the poet himself. But Brendan could do without being stranded penniless in the teeming, thieving London of 1810.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Yesterday… All My Troubles Seemed So Far Away
- By Doug D. Eigsti on 06-21-16
By: Tim Powers
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Bill, the Galactic Hero
- The Planet of the Robot Slaves
- By: Harry Harrison
- Narrated by: Christian Rummel
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 180
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 156
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 157
A sequel to the author's Bill, the Galactic Hero, published over 20 years ago, this book is the first of a new series of novels featuring Bill. With two right arms, an artificial foot, and a set of surgically implanted tusks, Bill sets out to find the source of Chinger-controlled metal dragons.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Not the stainless steel rat
- By Virtual DD on 07-22-15
By: Harry Harrison
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Time Is the Simplest Thing
- By: Clifford Simak
- Narrated by: Matthew Boston
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 44
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 36
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 36
Space travel has been abandoned in the 22nd century. It is deemed too dangerous, expensive, and inconvenient - and now the all-powerful Fishhook company holds the monopoly on interstellar exploration for commercial gain. Their secret is the use of "parries", human beings with the remarkable telepathic ability to expand their minds throughout the universe.
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3 out of 5 stars
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An old SciFy story but a good one.
- By Bob Wilson on 01-26-18
By: Clifford Simak
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Perchance to Dream
- Selected Stories
- By: Charles Beaumont
- Narrated by: J. Paul Boehmer, Gabrielle de Cuir, Harlan Ellison, and others
- Length: 12 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 56
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 49
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 50
The profoundly original and wildly entertaining short stories of a legendary Twilight Zone writer. It is only natural that Charles Beaumont would make a name for himself crafting scripts for The Twilight Zone - for his was an imagination so limitless it must have emerged from some other dimension. Perchance to Dream contains a selection of Beaumont's finest stories, including five that he later adapted for Twilight Zone episodes.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Contents
- By Ralph Freaster on 06-22-16
By: Charles Beaumont
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Destry Rides Again
- By: Max Brand
- Narrated by: J. P. O'Shaughnessy
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 110
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 87
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Story4 out of 5 stars 87
Harry Destry was a rough-and-tumble fighter who never lost a battle. But after six years in jail for a robbery he didn't commit, he comes back a changed man. The townsfolk believe he's beaten. They think all the fight's gone right out of him. And that's exactly what Destry wants them to think....
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3 out of 5 stars
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Unabridged doesn't mean unedited
- By Chris Haynes on 08-15-13
By: Max Brand
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The Iron Dragon's Daughter
- By: Michael Swanwick
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 14 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 79
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 71
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Story4 out of 5 stars 71
Named a New York Times notable book of 1994, The Iron Dragon's Daughter tells the heartrending story of a changeling child who is kidnapped to a realm of malls and machines and enslaved in a vast, infernal factory. Ultimately, she escapes and attempts to educate herself about this alien world, while being tormented by visions of the life she was denied.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Inconsistent story and makes for a poor experience
- By Martin Smith on 07-10-15
By: Michael Swanwick
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Inferno
- By: Larry Niven, Jerry Pournelle
- Narrated by: Tom Weiner
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 630
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 445
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Story4 out of 5 stars 448
After being thrown out of the window of his luxury apartment, science-fiction writer Allen Carpentier wakes to find himself at the gates of Hell. Feeling he's landed in a great opportunity for a book, he attempts to follow Dante's road map. Determined to meet Satan himself, Carpentier treks through the nine circles of Hell, led by Benito Mussolini, and encounters countless mental and physical tortures.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Dante done in the 70's
- By R. Reed on 04-09-09
By: Larry Niven, and others
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The Pilo Family Circus
- By: Will Elliott
- Narrated by: Mark Stephens
- Length: 11 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 99
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 92
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Story4 out of 5 stars 93
"You have two days to pass your audition. You better pass it, feller. You’re joining the circus. Ain’t that the best news you ever got?" Delivered by a trio of psychotic clowns, this ultimatum plunges Jamie into the horrific alternate universe that is the centuries-old Pilo Family Circus, a borderline world between Hell and Earth from which humankind’s greatest tragedies have been perpetrated. Yet in this place - peopled by the gruesome, grotesque, and monstrous - where violence and savagery are the norm, Jamie finds that his worst enemy is himself.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Entertaining but unremarkable bit of the lmacabre
- By David on 05-31-14
By: Will Elliott
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The Strange Affair of Spring Heeled Jack
- Burton & Swinburne, Book 1
- By: Mark Hodder
- Narrated by: Gerard Doyle
- Length: 14 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 1,863
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,672
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 1,680
Sir Richard Francis Burton and Algernon Charles Swinburne are sucked into the perilous depths of a moral and ethical vacuum when Lord Palmerston commissions Burton to investigate assaults on young women committed by a weird apparition known as Spring Heeled Jack - and to find out why werewolves are terrorizing London's East End.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Fun Steampunk but on the outlandish side
- By Robert L. on 02-08-12
By: Mark Hodder
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Cold City
- Repairman Jack: Early Years Trilogy, Book 1
- By: F. Paul Wilson
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,216
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,052
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,047
If you've never read a Repairman Jack novel, this is the place to begin. It's 1990. A twenty-one-year-old named Jack has dropped out of college, leaving his old life behind to build a new one in New York City. Manhattan's rough edges are jagged enough to shred any unwary newcomer, but perhaps not one who is determined to stay off the grid, at any cost, in the busiest metropolis on earth. And to do so, he'll have to take jobs of a less than legal nature.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Fun, as long you don't think too much
- By Andrew Pollack on 01-17-14
By: F. Paul Wilson
What listeners say about If I Were You
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Floyd
- 12-18-12
A very fun listen
This audiobook really conveys the feel and atmosphere of an old time small circus. You get an inside look at circus life. The book is not actually narrated by Nancy Cartwright. She plays the voice of two of the characters as far as I can tell. The cast is Nancy Cartwright, Lynsey Bartilson, Corey Burton, Bob Caso, R.F. Daley, Jennifer Darling, John Mariano, Jim Meskimen, Phil Proctor and Tait Ruppert.
You get quite a bit more than you expect from this story. It has a great message and is very fun to listen to.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 03-26-12
Good read.
What did you love best about If I Were You?
You could hardly tell the
What was one of the most memorable moments of If I Were You?
Tiger, Tiger, heh wont spoil it for you, but their were many.
What about Nancy Cartwright’s performance did you like?
I dare say all of it.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- hexC0DE
- 10-14-23
Like listening to an old radio show.... Great!
I've listened to over a hundred audio books, and this was the most entertaining performance. Well done!
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