"I Hate Your Time Machine"
A Fiction-Fueled Guide to Some of the Worst Tropes of Fantasy & Science Fiction
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"I Hate Your Time Machine"
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Narrated by:
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Christopher Harbour
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By:
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Jeff Mach
About this listen
Take a space-pirate, inspired by a long-ago Dark Lord. Take a long period of quarantine within the tiny confines of a stolen starship.
Now, take 42 busted, broken, or overbearing tropes of fantasy and science fiction. One by one, the Dark Lord twists each into a strange shape and uses it to tell a new story - many of them disgracefully funny, some rather dark, and none of them suitable for vulnerable minds such as yours. So you should stay away from this book - far, far away - lest the words break the confines of their bibliographic prison and come forth to vent their endless rage and their even more endless snark.
Jeff Mach, author of the best-selling There and Never, Ever Back Again, brings tight, interesting, usually satirical, often quite twisted stories, to light a fire in your belly like whiskey, and light a whiskey on fire, like an idiot who brought the wrong tools to a pub brawl.
©2020 Jeff Mach (P)2021 Jeff Mach, Dark LordListeners also enjoyed...
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 633
When Charles Morris is forced into retirement, the old multinational company CEO has to accept that it is all over. The days of running his financial empire have finally come to an end. All because of a stupid heart attack. While Charles is attending a fundraiser, however, something happens and he's transported into a strange medieval world where magic is real and legendary heroes coexist with mythical monsters. Follow him as he builds roads and shops, hires heroes, develops alliances with neighboring villages...but also fights terrible foes.
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2 out of 5 stars
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No world building
- By Timothy Dove on 12-19-20
By: Andrew Karevik
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Scythe
- By: Neal Shusterman
- Narrated by: Greg Tremblay
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 21,803
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 19,533
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 19,510
A world with no hunger, no disease, no war, no misery: Humanity has conquered all those things and has even conquered death. Now Scythes are the only ones who can end life - and they are commanded to do so in order to keep the size of the population under control. Citra and Rowan are chosen to apprentice to a scythe - a role that neither wants. These teens must master the "art" of taking life, knowing that the consequence of failure could mean losing their own.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Teenage Thumbs up
- By Lila R on 04-01-17
By: Neal Shusterman
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A Game of Villains
- World of Karik, Book 1
- By: Anton Emelianov, Sergei Savinov
- Narrated by: Tristan Morris
- Length: 15 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 362
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 330
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Story4 out of 5 stars 328
Our hero entered the store that fateful evening and became involved in a life-or-death game arranged by a mysterious creature. He survived, but instead of being on Earth, he now appeared to be in a different world, with other people who had passed a similarly deadly test. Some made it through by using force, some by using their cunning.... Everyone has their own story, but they all have one thing in common - there are no good people among them.
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3 out of 5 stars
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I have no idea what this is...
- By Erik on 02-28-20
By: Anton Emelianov, and others
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Mortality Bites: Publisher's Pack
- By: Ramy Vance
- Narrated by: Candace Thaxton
- Length: 12 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,140
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,065
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,058
Katrina Darling’s only real friend has been murdered. And not just murdered - ritually sacrificed by a serial killer. Kat is sure more death will follow. She should know...she used to be the monster plunging the blade in. Trouble is, after 300 years of being a vampire, Kat has forgotten what it means to be human. One thing she does remember is that friends matter. Now she's determined to find whoever - or whatever - killed her friend before more victims surface. But just as the hunt begins, a mysterious young man discovers exactly what she was.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Ugh
- By MsNing on 05-12-22
By: Ramy Vance
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The Godking's Legacy
- By: Virlyce
- Narrated by: Mare Trevathan
- Length: 16 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,293
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,128
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,124
A legendary sword is left behind by his master, the Godking. Trapped for millennia, the sword's spirit awaits the day he'll be set free. Will his new master be worthy of inheriting the Godking's legacy?
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4 out of 5 stars
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Most Implausible Idiocy You'll Ever Love
- By Dustin on 06-15-18
By: Virlyce
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Gateway
- By: Frederik Pohl
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman, Robert J. Sawyer
- Length: 8 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 3,912
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,402
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Story4 out of 5 stars 3,412
When prospector Bob Broadhead went out to Gateway on the Heechee spacecraft, he decided he would know which was the right mission to make him his fortune. Three missions later, now famous and permanently rich, Robinette Broadhead has to face what happened to him and what he is...in a journey into himself as perilous and even more horrifying than the nightmare trip through the interstellar void that he drove himself to take!
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5 out of 5 stars
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A human-focused SF classic
- By Ryan on 12-05-13
By: Frederik Pohl
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Stonefather
- By: Orson Scott Card
- Narrated by: Emily Janice Card
- Length: 3 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,043
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,624
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,621
When Runnel leaves his mountain valley to head for the great city of the water mages, he has no idea of his own magical talents. But he soon finds that without meaning to, he complicates and then endangers the lives of everyone he comes to know and care about. For when it comes to magic, there are rules and laws, and the untrained mage-to-be must be careful not to tap into deep forces and ancient enmities. Otherwise, other people might end up paying the price for his mistakes.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Familiar and unique--a breath of fresh air
- By Scott on 03-10-09
By: Orson Scott Card
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Morningwood: Everybody Loves Large Chests (Vol.1)
- By: Neven Iliev
- Narrated by: Jeff Hays
- Length: 8 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 10,395
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 9,512
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 9,508
Large chests are said to encompass all manner of hopes and dreams. Men covet them. Women envy them. But one fact holds true - everyone wants to get their hands on some big ones. The same holds true for one intrepid adventurer - a strapping young lad by the name of Himmel. Armed with his grandfather's trusty longsword and the dream of being the strongest, he sets out on the journey of a lifetime!
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5 out of 5 stars
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Really Entertaining
- By HeatherY on 11-23-17
By: Neven Iliev
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Player Reached the Top
- Player Reached the Top Series, Book 1
- By: Rick Scar, Anastasia Koptelova - translator
- Narrated by: James Fouhey
- Length: 11 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 781
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 704
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 704
2044. The world of games changed long ago. "Ascension" has become one of the most popular VRMMO games. It is a huge world divided into a hundred Floors, with each Floor a boundless location with its own countries, tribes, and millions of players. The object of the game is to unlock all the gates and conquer the top. Having joined the game, Will Thomson doesn't realize that he is all by himself. Then he accepts the first quest...Cursed Rat: level 46....
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5 out of 5 stars
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Holy Crap!!!
- By Robert Woods Jr. on 03-27-21
By: Rick Scar, and others
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The Gospel of Loki
- By: Joanne Harris
- Narrated by: Allan Corduner
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,618
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,454
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,453
This novel is a brilliant first-person narrative of the rise and fall of the Norse gods - retold from the point of view of the world's ultimate trickster, Loki. A number-one best seller in the UK, The Gospel of Loki tells the story of Loki's recruitment from the underworld of Chaos; his many exploits on behalf of his one-eyed master, Odin; through to his eventual betrayal of the gods and the fall of Asgard.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Sympathy for the Devil
- By Will F. on 07-13-17
By: Joanne Harris
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Ishmael
- An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit
- By: Daniel Quinn
- Narrated by: Anthony Heald
- Length: 2 hrs and 54 mins
- Abridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 3,995
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,257
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3,275
One of the most beloved and best-selling novels of spiritual adventure ever published, Ishmael has earned a passionate following. This special 25th anniversary edition features a new foreword and afterword by the author.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Unabridged PLEASE!
- By Eric on 01-12-08
By: Daniel Quinn
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The Uncommon Rider
- By: Sarah Noffke, Michael Anderle
- Narrated by: Dara Rosenberg
- Length: 13 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 89
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 77
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 78
The first dragonrider in over a hundred years has been born...and it’s a girl. Never before has a female been chosen to ride a dragon. The Elite, a guild comprised exclusively of dragonriders, is dead according to most. No one has seen a rider in decades. The problems they used to fight overwhelm the world. Dragons are thought to be near extinction. However, the Elite aren’t dead...It’s just that a bunch of crusty old men who do nothing that benefits the world at large are easy to mistake as useless corpses. Sophia Beaufont is about to change all of that.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Not Much of a Story
- By Small Mountain on 10-01-20
By: Sarah Noffke, and others
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Lilith: A Snake in the Grass
- The Four Lords of the Diamond, Book 1
- By: Jack L. Chalker
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 10 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 141
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 129
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 130
Aliens are spying on Earth from one of the four worlds that make up the Warden Diamond. But it is impossible to send agents to any of the four worlds because of unique microscopic symbionts that make it impossible for visitors to leave the Diamond. Seeking a unique solution, each of the four worlds making up the Diamond is sent a person whose mind has been stripped of everything and who is now controlled by an agent of the Confederacy. Lilith is the first planet to be visited.
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4 out of 5 stars
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A great series if read in its entirety
- By Onix Harbinger on 08-21-18
By: Jack L. Chalker
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Demon's Throne
- Demon's Throne, Book 1
- By: K.D. Robertson
- Narrated by: Stephanie Savannah
- Length: 15 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 318
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 272
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 271
Rys awakes to the smell of blood and nearly two thousand years of dust. Maybe he overslept a little too long. Once, he was a great champion and general in the demonic empire that ruled the world. Now, he’s been erased from history. He’ll need to remind the world of the price of forgetfulness. Now is the time to build his own empire, as the ancient powers of his time are long gone. Rys has an archipelago to conquer, women interested in extending their bloodline with him, and a mysterious labyrinth that holds the secret to why he was sealed away to begin with.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Solid Start of a Fantasy for the Older.
- By AmalgaMat1on on 11-23-22
By: K.D. Robertson
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The Anime Trope System: Stone vs. Viper, Book 1
- A LitRPG (ATS)
- By: Alvin Atwater
- Narrated by: David Reimer
- Length: 6 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 607
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 560
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 557
At the mercy of an unknown entity, Clyde gets tossed into the anime world. Yes, it exists, we just don't know it. There, he's declared the Stone, the anime main character. One day, he must kill the Viper, or else it's good-bye, Earth. This is the comedic tale of a young man vs. cliche anime tropes.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Potential squandered. Good concept, bad writing.
- By David on 01-26-20
By: Alvin Atwater
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The Enigma Cube
- Alien Artifact, Book 1
- By: Douglas E. Richards
- Narrated by: Dan Bittner
- Length: 13 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 685
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 599
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Story4 out of 5 stars 597
Dr. Kelly Connolly is part of a top-secret team studying the most important find in human history - the Enigma Cube, an alien artifact of incomprehensible power. A cube whose technology can catapult civilization to dizzying heights - or destroy it entirely. After years of failed attempts to unlock the cube's secrets, all hell suddenly breaks loose. Kelly and a black-ops commando, Justin Boyd, are soon fighting against all odds to stay alive, and to keep the cube out of enemy hands.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Stupid
- By Kindle Customer on 05-07-20
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The Age of Ra
- Pantheon, Book 1
- By: James Lovegrove
- Narrated by: Andy Cresswell
- Length: 10 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 113
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 104
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Story4 out of 5 stars 101
The Ancient Egyptian gods have defeated all the other pantheons and claimed dominion over the earth, dividing it into warring factions. Lt. David Westwynter, a British soldier, stumbles into Freegypt, the only place to have remained independent of the gods’ influence. There, he encounters the followers of a humanist leader known as the Lightbringer, who has vowed to rid mankind of the shackles of divine oppression. As the world heads towards an apocalyptic battle, there is far more to this freedom fighter than it seems.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Fun but trite
- By Patrick Quinn on 02-10-21
By: James Lovegrove
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Star Trek: Discovery: Desperate Hours
- By: David Mack
- Narrated by: Susan Eisenberg
- Length: 9 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 965
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 896
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 899
Aboard the Starship Shenzhou, Lieutenant Michael Burnham, a human woman raised and educated among Vulcans, is promoted to acting first officer. But if she wants to keep the job, she must prove to Captain Philippa Georgiou that she deserves to have it.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Could Have Been Great
- By Rick on 11-13-17
By: David Mack
What listeners say about "I Hate Your Time Machine"
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Customer
- 11-29-21
Unique
A bunch of short stories, some connected, some not - that makes one think. I highly recommend this for someone who is tired of the same types of stories where one knows how it's going to end.
I was given this audiobook by the narrator for free and have voluntarily left this review.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Shanna Tidwell
- 05-19-23
Unique and different
Great narration by Christopher Harbour .
Many stories intertwine and come together in a unique and entertaining way.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Aurora Dawn
- 01-21-22
An Irreverent Look at Fantastic Realms & Rules
Dragons and Dark Lords, Gods and Mythical Beings, Mages and Monsters - there's not much that doesn't catch Jeff Mach's attention or invoke his commentary in this irreverent, sardonic and often laugh out loud funny look at the world and denizens of the worlds of Science Fiction and Fantasy. As a long time fan, I loved this book. There were times when I could hear Mach giggling (maniacally) as he tapped away at his keyboard, creating short vignettes to illustrate the points in his discussions of the character and plot types so common in modern SF&F.
Kudos to narrator Christopher Harbour who managed to capture that light-hearted, playful tone while maintaining a serious and professional narration style. I'm sure there must have been a few retakes when a snort or a chuckle snuck out unbidden, but the narration perfectly matched the subject matter and made a well written and thoroughly enjoyable book an even better audio experience.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kindle Customer
- 12-07-21
A whimsical mix of fantasy an science fiction
I enjoyed most of the stories, especially the development of the chosen one. It was however, the lists between the stories that made me chuckle the most. If you like Monty Python, you should give this a go too.
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