Frighten the Horses

A Memoir

By: Oliver Radclyffe

Narrated by: Oliver Radclyffe

A textured, sharply written memoir about coming of age in the fourth decade of one’s life and embracing one's truest self in a world that demands gender fit in neat boxes.

From the outside, Oliver Radclyffe spent four decades living an immensely privileged, beautifully composed life. As the daughter of two well-to-do British parents and the wife of a handsome, successful man from an equally privileged family, Oliver played the parts expected of him. He checked off every box—marriage, children (four), a white-picket fence surrounding a stately home in Connecticut, and a golden retriever named Biscuit.

But beneath the shiny veneer, Oliver was desperately trying to stay afloat as he struggled to maintain a facade of normalcy—his hair was falling out in clumps, he couldn’t eat, and his mood swings often brought him to tears. And then, on an otherwise unremarkable afternoon in September, Oliver Radclyffe woke up and realized the life of a trapped housewife was not one he was ever meant to live. In fact, Oliver had spent his entire life denying the deepest, truest parts of himself. In the wake of this realization, he began the challenging, messy journey toward self-acceptance and living a truer life, knowing he risked the life he’d built to do so.

That journey was fraught, as Oliver navigated leaving a marriage and reintroducing himself to his children. And despite the challenges he faced, Oliver realized there was no way for him to go back to the beautiful lie of his previous life. Not if he wanted to survive.

Frighten the Horses is a trans man’s coming of age story, about a housewife who comes out as a lesbian and tentatively, at first, steps into the world of queerness. With growing courage and the support of his newfound community, Oliver is finally able to face the question of his gender identity and become the man he is supposed to be. The story of a flawed, fascinating, gorgeously queer man, Frighten the Horses introduces Oliver Radclyffe as a witty, arresting, unforgettable voice.

©2024 Oliver Radclyffe. Recorded by arrangement with Roxane Gay Books, an imprint of Grove Atlantic, Inc. “In Praise of Limestone,” copyright 1951 by W. H. Auden and renewed 1979 by The Estate of W. H. Auden; from COLLECTED POEMS by W. H. Auden, edited by Edward Mendelson. Used by permission of Random House, an imprint and division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved. Copyright 1948 by W. H. Auden, renewed. Reprinted by permission of Curtis Brown, Ltd. All rights reserved. (P)2024 Audible Inc.

Honest, Heart breaking, Heart healing, Lovely

Truly Lovely. Oliver is raw and honest. Heartbreaking moments and beautiful healing. This is a must read.

Powerful and well writen

Loved this story and felt so much connection to the emotions, he very eloquently shares, on each step of his journey.

Perfect, personal, and beautifully written/performed

One of the best memoirs I’ve ever read. Such a deeply personal glimpse into the struggles and triumphs of a trans person. There’s an amazingly female perspective throughout, given that the author lived so much of his life as a woman, wife, and mother. The tug between the male and female perspectives and even gender alliances/allegiances is honest and heartbreaking. Thank you Oliver for being so brave and then also brave enough to share it with us.