Forager

Field Notes for Surviving a Family Cult: A Memoir

By: Michelle Dowd

Narrated by: Michelle Dowd

A moving, heartbreaking, and lyrical true story of the author’s escape from an apocalyptic cult—and the survival skills that led to her freedom.

My family prepared me for the end of the world, but I know how to survive on what the earth yields.

As a child, Michelle Dowd grew up on a mountain in the Angeles National Forest. She was born into an ultra-religious cult—or the Field as they called it—started in the 1930s by her grandfather, a mercurial, domineering, and charismatic man who convinced generations of young male followers that he would live 500 years and ascend to the heavens when doomsday came. Comfort and care are sins, Michelle is told. As a result, she was forced to learn the skills necessary to battle hunger, thirst, and cold; she learned to trust animals more than humans; and most importantly, she learned how to survive in the natural world.

At the Field, a young Michelle lives a life of abuse, poverty, and isolation, as she obeys her family’s rigorous religious and patriarchal rules—which are so extreme that Michelle is convinced her mother would sacrifice her, like Abraham and Isaac, if instructed by God. She often wears the same clothes for months at a time; she is often ill and always hungry for both love and food. She is taught not to trust Outsiders, and especially not Quitters, nor her own body and its warnings.

But as Michelle gets older, she realizes she has the strength to break free. Focus on what will sustain, not satiate you, she tells herself. Use everything. Waste nothing. Get to know the intricacies of the land, like the intricacies of your body. And so she does.

Using stories of individual edible plants and their uses to anchor each chapter, Forager is both a searing coming-of-age story and a meditation on the ways in which understanding nature can lead to freedom, even joy.

©2023 Michelle Dowd (P)2023 Algonquin Books

Critic reviews

“A harrowing, engrossing story of survival amid painful circumstances… Heartbreaking and difficult to put down, this book lyrically chronicles an impressive rise out of illness, poverty, and indoctrination… enthralling.”—Kirkus Reviews

"On the surface, Forager is about dramatic circumstances most of us will never experience—growing up inside a doomsday cult. This unusual lens, however, also mirrors more universal questions, such as how to build meaning out of trauma, how to tell the stories of our lives even as those lives intersect with others', how nature is a healing force even as we participate in its destruction. Michelle Dowd takes on the real, sticky, human issues without easy answers or platitudes and with a voice that is fully her own."—Gina Frangello, author of Blow Your House Down

"Listen to me: get this book in your hands now and prepare to lose a couple nights of sleep because you won’t be able to put it down. Michelle Dowd indeed had a chilling childhood, but that’s not what will keep you turning these pages. It’s the lyricism of language and complex characters you can’t stop thinking about it. For anyone who’s ever felt lost, this book is for you. For anyone who’s ever loved, this book is for you. For anyone who has yearned to understand where they fit in the natural world, this is your guidebook."—Jennifer Pastiloff, bestselling author of On Being Human

Having read it once, I will have to read it again.

I just finished my first reading. I already know I'm going to need to read it again. The reality of her childhood is reflective of the natural inclinations of humanity. These did not serve her well yet through this she emerged triumphant. Her connection to the wilds of nature are astounding. I value the bravery of the story that she tells. We would be wise to consider how are individual views, and community values negatively impact those we judge to be different.

A story well worth reading

The headline speaks for itself. This book is phenomenally written and every sentence has meaning in telling the beautiful and shocking story.

So so good

This is a MUST read/listen. The story, the details, the triumph is simply incredible. Dowd is so brave to share her life and experience!

Beautifully written and narrated!

You can't just say "good book" because this is her real life! I can say it was a beautiful story of survival and perseverance! It was creatively written with tons of awesome words! ;) I made time to listen when I didn't have time. I really enjoyed this book!

Engaging, emotionally compelling story .. beautifully written!

Michelle‘s story of resilience is incredible and her recounting of it is poetic and vulnerable. I heard her interview on Joe Rogan and downloaded this book. It was well worth the listen.

Must-Read for Any Gen Xer Rural Californian

Michelle Dowd's story is not only a poetically- almost lyrically-written autobiography, but it encapsulates what it was like to grow up in 1970s and '80s rural California. Religion aside--or maybe included--the tale of her childhood is something we all can relate to on an experiential level. The strength, resourcefulness, and self-reliance detailed here are simultaneously nostalgic and inspirational. Cheers, Michelle, and thank you!

This book is amazing!

Such a unique story and it was told in a very good way. This story has many elements that are very interesting.

Phenomenal story

Read beautifully by the author herself, this book shows the resilience and bravery of a young girl, who struggled her whole life to believe in what she was being taught.
Once I started, I couldn’t stop. It’s an amazing story.

Intimate and breathtaking

This is a beautiful coming of age story. Beautifully written. Honest and truthful without being vulgar or traumatizing. The inclusion of botany and field notes is beautifully incorporated into the story. I feel like I am learning and getting a breath of fresh air from some of the more emotional scenes.

True story about survival

I heard Michelle on Joe Rogan after that I had to have the book. Two days I was done. I love that she did the audiobook herself she had such a calm in her voice. Thank you for sharing your story. The book was excellently written I feel like she could have gone on and on and there’s so much more to tell. Highly recommended reading or listening.