Explaining Death to Children

Guiding Your Child Through Grief

By: Dr. Bill Fix

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

Length: 31 mins

Publisher's summary

This little booklet aims to provide honest advice on how to talk to children about death. Its purpose is to equip parents with the necessary tools to foster an environment of openness, understanding, recovery, and healing. Having a conversation with a child about death can be undeniably complex, and even among adults, it is a topic often avoided. As a minister in the Christian faith, I have journeyed alongside numerous families grappling with this tender subject. Through those experiences, I have recognized parents' vital role in shaping their children's understanding of life, death, and eternity. Drawing upon my experience, research, training, and interactions with families dealing with death, I offer this guide on effectively talking to children about this sensitive topic.

Throughout a young child's life, it is almost guaranteed that they will experience the death of a pet or loved one. Unfortunately, some parents avoid discussing death to shield their children from sorrow and pain, thinking they protect them from hurtful aspects of life. However, providing age-appropriate explanations and answering a child's questions about death can help them stand on a solid foundation to face life's challenges with resilience, faith, and hope. When we equip our children with the tools they need to cope with loss, navigate grief, and embrace the preciousness of every moment, we impart a sense of security, assuring them that they can rely on us as their steadfast allies through life's inevitable ups and downs. Denying children the opportunity to develop a healthy understanding of the complexities of life by avoiding complex topics like death can be detrimental to their emotional growth.

Here are six reasons why discussing death with children is difficult:

1. Avoidance: Everyone is on a "life vacation," and discussing the day when this vacation ends (death) is often avoided.

2. Unique but Universal Responses: Responses to death and grief are uniquely individual but universal. Being transparent about our feelings and fears with children in an age-appropriate manner is crucial.

3. Emotional Difficulty: Talking about death can be very emotional and challenging, but it helps children develop coping skills and prepares them for significant loss.

4. Curiosity: Children are naturally curious and will discuss death with someone. Hearing the truth from their parents or another close adult in the child's best interest is best.

5. Choosing the Right Words: Many parents may feel unsure about discussing this topic, but sharing what we know about death is usually sufficient. Involving a spiritually mature adult in the conversation can be helpful, and using simple language for young children and more detailed explanations for older children can be effective.

6. Fear of Causing Anxiety and Pain: Open discussions allow children to express their fears and concerns, reducing stress and providing a clearer understanding of death.

Talking with children about death is necessary because it is an inescapable part of the human experience. Our children will experience death as a genuine part of life. Explaining death and grief in a child-appropriate way allows children to acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Children must understand and learn to embrace and believe the truth about death, dying, and grief as they learn from their parents and guardians.

As we embark on this transformative journey of discussing death with our children, remember that our role as parents goes beyond providing answers; it involves being present, compassionate listeners, and understanding guides. Together, we shall navigate the depths of life and death, embracing the essence of the human experience with grace, wisdom, and unwavering love. May this book be a beacon of light, guiding you as you nurture your children's hearts, minds, and souls with understanding, love, and hope.