Endpapers

By: Jennifer Savran Kelly

Narrated by: Dani Martineck

In this novel set in 2003 New York City, a genderqueer book conservator feels trapped by her gender presentation, her ill-fitting relationship, and her artistic block—until she discovers a decades-old hidden queer love letter and becomes obsessed with tracking down its author.

It’s 2003, and artist Dawn Levit is stuck. A bookbinder who works in conservation at the Met, she spends her free time scouting the city’s street art, hoping something might spark inspiration. Instead, everything looks like a dead end. And art isn’t the only thing that feels wrong: wherever she turns, her gender identity clashes with the rest of her life. Her relationship, once anchored by shared queerness, is falling apart as her boyfriend Lukas increasingly seems to be attracted to Dawn only when she’s at her most masculine. Meanwhile at work, Dawn has to present as female, even on the days when that isn’t true. Either way, her difference feels like a liability.

Then, one day at work, Dawn finds something hidden behind the endpaper of an old book: the torn-off cover of a ‘50s lesbian pulp novel, Turn Her About. On the front is a campy illustration of a woman looking into a handheld mirror and seeing a man’s face. And on the back is a love letter.

Dawn latches onto the coincidence, becoming obsessed with tracking down the note’s author. Her fixation only increases when her best friend Jae is injured in a hate crime, for which Dawn feels responsible. As Dawn searches for the letter’s author, she is also looking for herself. She tries to understand how to live in a world that doesn’t see her as she truly is, how to get unstuck in her gender, and how to rediscover her art, and she can’t shake the feeling that the note’s author might be able to help guide her to the answers.

A sharply written, deeply evocative story about what it means to live authentically—even within an identity whose parameters have not yet been defined—Endpapers will appeal to readers of queer, nonbinary, or trans fiction like Torrey Peters’ Detransition, Baby as well as anyone who loves character-driven, setting-rich stories like Tell the Wolves I’m Home or The Immortalists.

©2023 Jennifer Savran Kelly (P)2023 Algonquin Books

Critic reviews

“Sometimes the hardest thing to be is our authentic selves. How do we do that when society has hidden and erased any path that could show us the way? Dawn Levit finds that heroic path by believing in hunches and looking for clues. Not quite a mystery novel, this is a story of following one’s own inner desire for belonging through art and surprising friendships. Savran Kelly creates a story full of humans who we long to be friends with after the last page is read. Love is acceptance, and this book is that and more.”—Amy Wallen, author of When We Were Ghouls

"Part portrait of the artist, part queer coming-of-age, and part investigative puzzle, this intimate, emotional novel parlays romance, passion, politics, and history into a compelling tale, beautifully and insightfully told. Jennifer Savran Kelly is an exciting, empathetic new voice.”—J. Robert Lennon, author of Subdivision and Let Me Think

“Endpapers is a richly imagined and moving novel about identity, desire, and art. Its characters are believable and engaging, its plot intriguing, but just as important is its urgent subtext, a plea for humans to break free from constricting labels and instead behold each other in all their thorny, unpredictable individuality; to love complexity and uncertainty, rather than ideology and order. This just might be the most urgent issue of our time, and Endpapers tackles it with energy and—that most apropos weapon—subtlety.”—Brian Hall, author of The Stone Loves the World

Just the Right Time to Listen To This

I was excited and a little nervous to listen to this book. As someone who's also never fully been comfortable in my own skin (being queer and more tomboyish than traditionally feminine), Dawn's story sounded a lot like my own. And there were times I did want to cry or reach out to hug Dawn to say "I know what you're going through, you're not alone."

I loved this story. Seeing Dawn grow from a shy, defensive and confused woman to a confident, open and steadier person was encouraging to say the least. Despite the challenges she went through (initial rejection of her identity by her parents, mixed signals from her partner Lukas, the hate crime outside the bar, etc.), she still managed to overcome what was thrown at her and learn from what happened. Even if she was unsure of the outcome, particularly when it came to her friend Jae's recovery, she chose to try to be hopeful and trust in the process, which is something that we all need a reminder of sometimes when times get tough. I also liked how each of the women in Dawn's life (save for her mother) were supportive of Dawn in some way that was positive: Katherine who offered professional advice, Alice who inspired her, Amina who was calm and understanding and Gertrude who encouraged her to live openly and freely.

I didn't realize that this book was set during post 9/11, but it's a prevalent theme in the story. Dawn and a few other characters mention or reference feeling targeted during this period for not conforming to the desired image of what an American was supposed to be and that people like the ones who hurt Jae saw them as enemies. That also becomes important as an echo of what Gertrude and Marta went through during the Lavender Scare during the Cold War.

I will also say that Dawn's experience learning about the Lavender Scare and Alice encouraging her to talk with Gertrude about their history is also another reminder of how LGBTQ+ history is still so very new because the ability to talk openly about it is still very new. During the period the book is set, gay marriage wasn't legal yet and books on the topic were still not as common as they are now.

Dani Martineck did a great job reading this audiobook. I liked how she read Gertrude, Amina, Katherine and Jae best after doing Dawn, But I think each voice she did was perfect for each person's personality.

This was definitely one of the my favorite audiobooks of the year and I recommend it to anyone who likes a good book!

A vulnerable sincere suspenseful story beautifully wrapped in gender nonconforming

A story about human connection and disconnection and loneliness and being lost and being found. One of the best stories I’ve read about gender nonconforming specific to women who don’t fit perfectly on either side of the coin. This might help you understand yourself but at the very least it will give you a better understanding of the humans sharing planet around you.

underdeveloped story and characters

My book club just read this. We all agree that there was so much that was barely touched on that left us with so many questions about characters because we were only given base information.