Dying to Be Thin

The True Story of My Lifelong Battle Against Anorexia

By: Nikki Grahame

Narrated by: Yaz Shah

”The figure looking back at me was little more than a skeleton with just a thin layer of tissue paper for skin, drawn over the stick-like bones. I stood staring for a good couple of minutes, considering what I'd become. And my verdict? Brilliant, I thought. It's been worth every moment of all that hard work.”

Say the name Nikki Grahame and most people will remember the bubbly, highly strung and hugely entertaining Big Brother 7 contestant. Since leaving the Big Brother house, she has forged a successful career for herself in presenting and writing. Yet Nikki isn't just another reality television contestant and her life story is not like any other you will ever read.

From the age of eight until she was nineteen, Nikki battled anorexia nervosa but few cases have been quite as extreme as hers. Aged just eight and weighing just under three stone, Nikki was diagnosed as anorexic.

For the next eight years, she was in and out of institutions - seven in total - during which time she attempted suicide twice and had to be sedated up to four times a day so that she could be force-fed. At one point, she was sedated for fourteen days while doctors sewed a tube into her stomach, through which she was fed in order to get her weight out of the critical range. The lengths that she went to avoid eating and find ways to exercise excessively shocked doctors who have worked in the field for years. As Nikki says, “I've always wanted to be the best at everything I do, so I had to be the best anorexic - and I was.”

This compelling book tells the story of an incredible journey.

©2010 John Blake Publishing (P)2013 Prospero Media

Sad story

Such a raw and honest account of her struggle. I felt so sad the whole time knowing that she did not make it. Definitely a cautionary tale for anyone struggling with this disease. RIP sweet girl.

A sad but great story on Nikki’s struggle with Anorexia

This was a wonderful book but heartbreaking as Nikki passed years ago. I could relate to so much as I struggled with Anorexia on and off for many years. May she rest in peace.

An eye opener about eating disorders.

Excellent book, tells you in detail about the life of a sweet child with a disfunctional home that became obsessed with keeping herself thing to the point of death. An eye opener for parents since I would have never thought that a 6 year old would actually have this kind of thoughts.

Respect

I have so much respect for Nikki after reading this. When I initially watched BB I just thought she was a spoiled brat that I still loved because she was so endearing. This explained so much and dispelled many of the doubts I had about her. It also helps other people who are struggling with an eating disorder of how bad it can get and what you miss out on when you do go down the rabbit whole.

Not What You Might Think

Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

Not necessarily. I am more interested in the professional treatment & analysis of eating disorders. This book is a bit on the sensational side from that perspective, notwithstanding that I believe it to be an honest account from the author's viewpoint.

What was most disappointing about Nikki Grahame’s story?

There is a giant piece missing in this book that only Nikki's caregivers could possibly provide. It seems highly improbable to me that Nikki simply "woke up" one day & decided she'd had it with her anorexia & wanted to be better. Something psychologically was going on all those years that changed. What that might be is far more intriguing to me than the fact that this self-absorbed young lady wound up on Big Brother (a show I've never watched). While it is none of our business, my guess is problems at home were much deeper & Nikki's psychological problems more far more intense than even this dramatic book would reveal. From this account, it would seem that one can simply change her mind one day & go from the brink of death to stardom. That is not reality -- & certainly not for hundreds of young women suffering from eating disorders. Might they not now think that even though there will be pain along the way they might end up the same way? And what result when they do not?

What else would you have wanted to know about Nikki Grahame’s life?

Accounts directly from others -- mom, dad, sister, caregivers. Anorexia is not well understood & I don't think it can be understood simply from the point of view of the person affected. This is a disease with poor insight & the person affected is not the only one walking a hellish road. Perhaps this book is not the right forum, but I am interested in what approaches to Nikki's care were discussed with her parents.

Wow

Well all my sympathy for the family. What a hard life they had. I believe this girl was emotionally disturbed with anorexia being secondary. It seemed a way to control others.
I watched a clip of British big Brother and appears to be a lifelong condition. She was popular on the show ? Seemed to be always looking for attention.
The book is written as tho the author is very proud to have anorexia. It takes years until she “wants” to get better.

Such sadness

I'm glad I didn't know Nikki eventually died at a young age from her anorexia when I started the book. Her final passage is so hopeful. Her mother is an angel.

Listening to all the honesty and raw pain, I still don't understand this disease. It's poignant to hear Nikki's own voice recount her life...

It's an engaging book.

R.I.P Nikki

Very intense story. I googled her name and found she had relapsed during the pandemic and passed away on April 9, 2021. R.I.P.

inspiring

Wow! This story was very close to my heart as I am someone that has struggled with anorexia and bulimia for many many years. Like the author I was hospitalized and put into treatment centers and when I would come home- I would go back to my old habits. I’m so glad that Nikki was able to find her way in this book. Her honesty and determination are striving force in recovery. My only wish for Nikki is that she would have been able to continue to fight her demons and the monster that is anorexia. I was so sad to learn when I googled her last night that did succumb to her anorexia. What an inspiring story with such a tragic ending.

Well …. What the heck ??????

This gal was sick …. This poor thing …. But the thing is how did she get this ill????? Her parents got divorced and then she quickly slipped into seriously debilitating hard core Eating disorder at the tender age of 8 ….. that’s like really young to become this mentally ill …. I wish she would have really let us in more on her real diagnosis. I think there was a lot more to this story that we were not really clued in about . How this child got this sick that fast at that young of age . There’s something not adding up …. You never really learn much about what really was bothering this person . Unfortunately she is gone now and with her death we will never know what made this girl really tick . She had a really rough childhood but not so much from the divorce of her parents but all the hospitals she was living in because she was in some kind of battle to win eating disorder person of the year … it’s crazy what she went through…. Im sorry she’s gone . Sad story really not a lot here to learn other than how severe an eating disorder can get . I wish there was more info about her real diagnosis and what compelled her to the edge especially at such a young age . RIp Nikki …