Dragons Suck
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Dragons Suck
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Narrated by:
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Rudy Sanda
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By:
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Benjamin Gamble
About this listen
Harkness is absolutely not a hero - but unfortunately for him, he's been volunteered by his village to save the world, and he quickly finds that modern-day sarcasm is no match for ancient dragons.
Harkness, a medieval peasant with a millennial's mindset, is quite happy to sit back and make quips while everyone else does the hard work. His calculated laziness is interrupted when the gods send an ancient and terrible scourge-by-dragonfire upon his village, and he is forced (peer-pressured, really) into trying to save his fiancee from the dragon who has kidnapped her.
When Harkness is sent by the village elder to find the one weapon that is capable of killing the beast, his real plan is to go off on his own and use his village's money to live the high life. This, of course, would require ditching his two companions: Karla, an aspiring troubadour whose passion makes up for her lack of adventuring skills, and Aldric, whose kindheartedness does not make up for his lack of intelligence. Harkness sees this journey as a paid vacation under the pretense of world-saving, but it quickly turns serious when he realizes what's at stake when he is forced to actually care about something - or at the very least, pretend to.
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- By: Logan Jacobs
- Narrated by: Rebecca Woods, Daniel Wisniewski
- Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 262
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 240
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 239
Milton was your average delivery driver until he had a run in with a dying fairy who imbued him with all his magical power. Now Milton can literally tear the blood out of his enemies with a gesture of his hand, every women he meets is attracted to his magical charm, and the powerful Fae Guild wants to pay him a bunch of money to fight evil.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Are you computer literate? be prepared for cringe!
- By David on 01-27-20
By: Logan Jacobs
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Chosen Omnibus
- The Brindle Dragon, Books 1-3
- By: Jada Fisher
- Narrated by: Patricia Santomasso
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 167
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 155
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 153
Eist was born to be a dragon rider; she just knows it. When fate conspires to take her parents and leave her orphaned and injured, her future appears bleak. Unwilling to back down, she must overcome a system stacked against her. Even if she passes all the tests, there’s no guarantee she will ever fly on a dragon. Can she beat the odds and find her destiny, or will she be stranded on the ground?
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4 out of 5 stars
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Enjoyed
- By Anonymous User on 03-27-21
By: Jada Fisher
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Black Dragon Omnibus
- Rise of the Black Dragon, Books 1-3
- By: Jada Fisher
- Narrated by: Rachel Jacobs
- Length: 13 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 57
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 52
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 51
Blessed with a magic she doesn’t understand, Ukrah must find her way in a world that doesn’t always embrace her and her gifts. Accompanied by a talking bird and a strange young man who took her in, she must find the legendary dragon rider who saved the world from the Blight. Can Ukrah escape from those who would enslave her, or worse, and find the only person who can help her realize her destiny?
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4 out of 5 stars
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Not so bad except...
- By Jessica on 07-27-22
By: Jada Fisher
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Worldship: Udo the Digger
- Worldship, Book 1
- By: Joshua Gayou
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 14 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,141
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,027
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,026
Udo's biggest problem isn't being a digger (that's low class), or staying drunk (that's damn expensive), or avoiding the Dwergaz (they're monsters), or even pissing off the supposed Gods. It's that his reality...well, it isn't what he thought. And now, he can't even afford to drink because his so-called friend Nicz is cutting into his business, digging up tin, iron, and copper. So Udo forms a new plan: clay. After all, clay jars are used to store everything: meat, herbs, and, his personal favorite, ale.
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1 out of 5 stars
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I am confused.
- By Ahkia on 06-02-20
By: Joshua Gayou
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Heresy of Dragons
- By: Erik Reid
- Narrated by: Chris Graves
- Length: 13 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 176
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 165
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Story4 out of 5 stars 164
Not every man can handle a magitech gauntlet that speaks in floating silver text, or a handful of women with unique...needs. I’m not every man. When a bad blind date got worse - like, interdimensional lightning storm worse - I woke up to a realm of dragon women, magical kobolds, and a playful monkey girl with a painful secret. I also accidentally (totally on purpose) stole an ancient artifact in the form of a black gauntlet that bonded with my body and unlocked various new abilities. So what’s the catch? The glove wasn’t meant for me. It was meant for the fabled Hero of Silura.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Those low reviews are kooks, seriously you guys
- By Gavin Markowitz on 01-16-20
By: Erik Reid
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The Sleeping Dragon
- Guardians of the Flame, Book 1
- By: Joel Rosenberg
- Narrated by: Keith Silverstein
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 739
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 672
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 672
It began as just another evening of fantasy gaming with James, Karl, Andrea, and the rest ready to assume their various roles as wizard, cleric, warrior, or thief. But sorcerous gamemaster Professor Deighton had something else planned for this unsuspecting group of college students. And the "game" soon became a matter of life and death as the seven adventurers found themselves transported to an alternate world and into the bodies of the actual characters they had been pretending to be....
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3 out of 5 stars
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A Self Image Cast in Stone Could Shatter
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-19-13
By: Joel Rosenberg
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Big Trouble
- Small Medium, Book 1
- By: Andrew Seiple
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 11 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 483
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 437
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 435
Chase Berrymore dreams of adventure, excitement, and getting the heck out of her pastoral halven village. But when adventure finds her, she'll be scrambling to save her family and friends from a necromancer's wrath. Outmatched in almost every way, she'll have to use her wits, charisma, and a bit of divine favor to figure out the path to victory. Even worse, she'll have to figure out ways to deal with the weird and nigh-immortal beings that call themselves "playas"...and she'll have to do it with the most powerful weapon she has available: words.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great continuation of threadbear-verse
- By Randall on 08-17-19
By: Andrew Seiple
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Child of the Flames
- A Sword and Sorcery Saga
- By: D.W. Hawkins
- Narrated by: Malk Williams
- Length: 13 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 34
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 32
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 31
The Red Swords came with the sunrise and took everything Shawna Llewan held dear. Her family massacred, her home destroyed, she escapes with nothing but her mother’s heirloom and the desire for vengeance. When she’s found by Dormael, a Warlock of the Conclave, she learns that her mother’s keepsake - the very reason her family was killed - holds the power to unleash boundless destruction.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great start!
- By Gordon on 08-18-19
By: D.W. Hawkins
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Hellboy: Odd Jobs
- By: Christopher Golden
- Narrated by: Seth Podowitz
- Length: 8 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 129
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 118
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 118
In 1994, Mike Mignola created one of the most unique and visually arresting comics series to ever see print: Hellboy. Tens of thousands have followed the exploits of the World's Greatest Paranormal Investigator in comics form and in prose. Now, fans of the comic can enjoy the world of Hellboy as seen through the eyes of some of the brightest creative lights in horror and mystery fiction.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Extra stories for true fans
- By Daniel Wiffen on 07-24-21
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Dawn of Chaos
- Age of Madness - A Kurtherian Gambit Series
- By: Daniel Willcocks, Michael Anderle
- Narrated by: Emily Beresford
- Length: 7 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 22
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 20
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 20
Caitlin finally gets the chance to explore what's outside of the walls of the town she's been trapped in and finds vampires, werewolves, and zombie-like creatures.
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1 out of 5 stars
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disappointed
- By me.. on 01-10-23
By: Daniel Willcocks, and others
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The Chosen
- Contender, Book 1
- By: Taran Matharu
- Narrated by: Pat Young
- Length: 9 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 148
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 124
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 123
Cade is settling into a new boarding school, contemplating his future, when he finds himself transported to another realm. He soon discovers their new world is populated with lost remnants from the past: prehistoric creatures, ancient relics, and, stranger still - people. Overwhelmed by his new surroundings, Cade has little time to adjust, for soon he and his fellow classmates are forced to become contenders in a brutal game, controlled by mysterious overlords.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Great Author, Bland Story
- By Amazon Customer on 05-30-20
By: Taran Matharu
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Unfettered
- Tales By Masters of Fantasy
- By: Terry Brooks, Patrick Rothfuss, Robert Jordan, and others
- Narrated by: Peter Ganim, Marc Vietor, Bronson Pinchot, and others
- Length: 20 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,535
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,363
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 1,371
You define life or it defines you. In Shawn Speakman’s case, it was both. Lacking health insurance and diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 2011, Shawn quickly accrued a massive medical debt that he did not have the ability to pay. That’s when New York Times best-selling author Terry Brooks offered to donate a short story that Shawn could sell to help alleviate those bills—and suggested he ask the same of his other writer friends. Unfettered is the result: An anthology built in order to relieve that debt, featuring short stories by some of the best fantasy writers in the genre.
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1 out of 5 stars
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A TRULY BAD COLLECTION OF DOGS
- By Randall on 12-21-18
By: Terry Brooks, and others
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Sentenced to Troll Compendium, Books 1-3
- By: S.L. Rowland
- Narrated by: Eric Jason Martin
- Length: 29 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 638
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 564
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 562
Chad Johnson built his following by being a troll. Online games, social media, you name it—he's there with a witty comeback. But when he goes too far during a televised stream, he's handed a punishment unlike any other. Instead of the usual ban or suspension, Chad's sentenced to thirty days of full immersion therapy in Isle of Mythos—a world of epic fantasy filled with dungeons and mythical creatures. The twist? He's forced to embody a forest troll, one of the most-despised races in Mythos.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Kids book
- By Kindle Customer on 03-15-22
By: S.L. Rowland
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Forever Young
- Forever Young, Book 1
- By: Daniel Pierce
- Narrated by: Leo Barnabas
- Length: 9 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 833
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 766
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Story4 out of 5 stars 767
Jason Richards is in his 40s, recently divorced, and hates his job, but all of that changes when he's attacked by a redheaded vampire and left for dead in a truckstop bathroom. He soon wakes up in a mansion, surrounded by beautiful women and told he can never go home again. More importantly, he finds that his bones no longer ache, he feels amazing, and he looks like a 20-year-old kid again. That's because he's a Ferin, a Forever Young, gifted with immortality and special abilities unlike anything he ever thought possible.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Cheesy vampire sex stories
- By Lance on 03-24-21
By: Daniel Pierce
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Greenways Goblins
- Resurrection Quest, Book 1
- By: Daniel Schinhofen
- Narrated by: Travis Baldree
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 204
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 180
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 180
When freakish storms envelope the Earth, people start disappearing without a trace. Wild theories abound: Is it aliens, spontaneous combustion, or perhaps quantum entanglement? The only ones who might know are those who have vanished. An average group of gamers is setting up to start a new campaign. The storms rage across the world, but they only care about the game they are about to start. Little do they know that they would be next to disappear from the face of the Earth.
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5 out of 5 stars
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excellent
- By Rida Son on 03-13-20