Consent

A Memoir

By: Jill Ciment

Narrated by: Eileen Stevens

From the acclaimed novelist (“A virtuoso”—Donna Seaman, Booklist), a deft, shocking memoir that asks whether we can judge past behavior by today’s moral codes, as the author reevaluates her decades-long marriage to the forty-seven-year-old man she met when she was seventeen, revisiting a singular passion in the 21st-century aftermath of #MeToo.

“Few writers can tackle the bedroom—or female libido . . . but Ciment is a master: in exquisitely spare prose, she nails it.”—The New York Times

In this unflinching account of the ardent love affair between the author and her painting teacher, which began in the 1970s, when she was a teenager and he was married with two children, Ciment not only reflects on how their love ignited (who leaned in first for that kiss?) but interrogates her 1996 memoir on the subject, Half a Life. She asks herself if she told the whole truth back then, and what truth looked like to her in the even longer-ago era of love-bead curtains when she fell in love, when no one asked who was served by the permissibility around a May-December romance. In the light of #metoo, with new understanding about the balance of power between an older man and an underage girl, Ciment re-explores the erotic wild ride and intellectual flowering that shaped an improbable but blissful marriage that lasted for forty-five years, until her husband’s death at ninety-three.

This riveting book about art, memory, and morality asks many questions along the way: Does a story’s ending excuse its beginning? Does a kiss in one moment mean something else entirely five decades later? Can a love that starts with such an asymmetrical balance of power ever right itself? Suffused with the wisdom that comes with time, Consent is an author’s brave recasting of her life’s settled narrative, and an urgent listen for women of all ages.

©2024 Jill Ciment (P)2024 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“In Consent, Ciment explores deep and difficult questions about her lifelong relationship with her much older husband. Her writing, as always, is imaginative, funny, and thoroughly entertaining as she reflects upon the ethics of their relationship. Her story resonates today, maybe even more than it did when it happened.” —Nicole Holofcener, American Film Director and Writer of You Hurt My Feelings

“In her new memoir, Ciment revisits the scandalous romance that became the defining fact of her personal life—her passionate and enduring relationship with a man thirty years her senior, begun when she was a teenager. In her fiercely intelligent and imaginative style, Ciment interrogates her memories through a new lens, and in the process creates an indelible portrait not just of a marriage, but of the remembering mind, its revisions and revelations.” —Jo Ann Beard, author of The Boys of My Youth and Festival Days

“Consent just might be the new gold standard for the memoir. By revisiting a part of her life that she wrote about nearly three decades ago, comparing her then-account to the way she would describe the same events today, Jill Ciment asks exhilarating questions about who we are, how we let the stories we tell ourselves and others settle and define us. What makes Consent so fascinating is that Ciment kept the tapes: her previous account makes her able to turn her memories at different angles against the light. What really happened? Everything in her first memoir was true, and the story hasn’t changed (it is still, at its heart, a love story). Yet something has changed. Ciment tackles deep and painful issues without any fuss. In prose that is concise yet warm, unsparingly honest and often hilarious, she gives us this rarest of gifts: a book that is both urgently of its moment and absolutely timeless.” —Camille Bordas, author of How to Behave in A Crowd and The Material

Intimate Story Well-told

The narration of this book was excellent. The writing was so strong too. I remained engaged from beginning to end, which honestly is rare for me.
I guess my only nit is that by the end of it I still was not sure how deep the love for her husband had become by the end. The emphasis throughout was how Arnold aged, rather than how Jill’s feelings about the marital relationship matured.
Really liked this though.

Not quite sure why it didn't grab me

I bought this book because I could relate to the topic. Somehow, the author's style of writing seemed to ump around too much to grab me. She jumped around between the artists' styles, and the relationships without any apparent connection. Was not worth the time for me.

Great story well written & presentation

Great novel by a great author well presented by the producers and very. Clear voice of the reader

Excellent writing; overworked main question

Male reader here, and this is the first Jill Ciment book I've read. This was an enjoyable view into a life and an artistic community I would not have found any other way. It both tells the story of her relationship with the artist Arnold Mesches, and it examines the act of interpreting things that happened. Sometimes she looks back at a thing she wrote in the 1990s and says "I was reacting to it but not reflecting." Ciment is an excellent writer, describing a woman's granny dress as "something that had indicated kinship in a tribe but now exile" a turn of phrase that made me go "oooh!" when I heard it as it summed up several years of transition that one person had been through.

One criticism: the central question that she's working on in this book is overworked and not interesting enough for the amount of space she devotes to it. She was 17 and he was 47 when they got together, does this mean they're forever cursed by this crime? And the answer is... up to the interpretation of the individual woman involved. The "metoo" movement can't answer this for you, the individual woman needs to. She seems to have been ok. Some people are ready to marry at 17. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone as their Plan A, but there's no "know-it-all" answer to stamp on it.

Very thought provoking

This book captured me from beginning to end. I, too, at 17 got wrapped up in my teacher and ended up marrying him (although he was just working at a record store when I started dating him and he was only 5 years older- and also ended up in divorce 20 years later). But I wonder, too, about the imbalance of power and how I was overcome with awe when we first dated. However, with any relationship the “every day” seeps in. The simple loving (at first) gestures and the everyday boredom of chores and taking care of each other. She captures some of the essence of what it was like to live every day, and asks the questions “was it cursed because of how it started?” I couldn’t put the book down! The only problem was the plot kept jumping around in time and sometimes hard to follow.

worth a listen

Ciment has an incredibly compelling point of view, especially for a young female artist reader who paints about the female experience like myself. Her self reflection on her ability to concent as a 16 y/o is honest and bold. I cried during the chapters about her younger brother's tragic story.

I'm speechless and in awe

This the most beautiful love letter. Having read and adored all of Jill Ciment's book, I was afraid to venture into this one. afraid it would disclose terrible truths through the lens of the 'me too' shift. it was so poignant and illuminating. Only it was just too short.

the narration was sublime.

Honest

I started this book because the tittle made me curious, it sounded scandalous. The book is surprisingly honest and fresh.

Brilliant writing and rigorous honesty. A deeply touching narrative of a great love affair.

I also enjoyed the insights into the art world, the painting process, and the writers journey . The spoken narrative was excellent & engaging throughout. This book was simply wonderful!

The author’s honesty

I love this story and how it is told. I admired the author’s courage, honesty, bravery and willingness to dive deep into the subject. The view into this story from 3 perspectives of time provides much introspection not unlike what any of us experience in looking back at decisions we have made throughout our lives. I loved how the author and Arnold truly loved each other. It would be easy to judge the start of this story harshly and with good reason. Though in this story it seems the best judges are the insiders and not those of us looking it. I also thought the reader of this story did an amazing performance. She clearly has listened to the author’s words. She portrays the story through her voice with a deep sense and appreciation of the love that carries these two through to their final kiss.