Bite Me
A Love Story
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Bite Me
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Narrated by:
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Susan Bennett
About this listen
"The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public. Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup.
"‘Cept there’s no whining. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, imprisoned them in a bronze statue. Abby wants to be a blood sucking fiend, too, but right now she’s really busy with other stuff, like breaking in a pair of red vinyl thigh-high Skankenstein® platform boots and wrangling her Ph.D.-candidate boyfriend, Steve (the love monkey). And then there’s that vampire cat Chet, who’s getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute. Abby thought she and Steve could handle the kitty cat on their own, mais non."
Before you can say “OMG! WTF?” Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby, Steve, the frozen-turkey-bowling Safeway crew, the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty dogs Lazarus and Bummer, Abby’s gay Goth friend Jared, and SF’s finest Cavuto and Rivera to hunt big cat and save the city. And that’s when the fun really begins.
©2010 Christopher Moore (P)2010 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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3 out of 5 stars
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Critic reviews
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4 out of 5 stars
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A Pleasant Surprise
- By Flavius Krakdaddius on 12-23-09
By: Charlie Huston
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Dark and Stormy Knights
- By: Ilona Andrews, Jim Butcher, Shannon K Butcher, and others
- Narrated by: Renee Raudman, Joe Barrett, Marc Vietor, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,226
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,020
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,024
It was a dark and stormy knight, and nine dark defenders embarked upon a most perilous quest. They're the ultimate defenders of humanity, modern day knights who do dark deeds for all the right reasons. In this all-star collection, nine of today's hottest paranormal authors bring us thrilling, all-new stories of supernatural knights that are brimming with magic mystery and mayhem.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Bought this for Dresden, loved the rest!
- By Moon River on 06-27-12
By: Ilona Andrews, and others
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WeSa and the Lumber King
- A Jane Yellowrock Story
- By: Faith Hunter
- Narrated by: Khristine Hvam
- Length: 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 665
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 603
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 601
Beast, with Jane Yellowrock in the background of her mind, observes the lumber camp of white men who are destroying her hunting grounds. She decides to take revenge on the leader of the lumberjacks.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Not important to the over all series
- By CRAZY4PEANUTBUTTER on 05-26-15
By: Faith Hunter
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Horror Stories
- Twenty-Six Scary Tales
- By: Jack Kilborn, J. A. Konrath
- Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
- Length: 8 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 358
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 315
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Story4 out of 5 stars 321
This collection features a menagerie of horror stories. Some are scary. Some are disturbing. Some are funny. Meet werewolves, vampires, zombies, psychopaths, aliens, cannibals, ghosts, and various things that go bump in the night. Previously published in dozens of anthologies and magazines, some of these tales are mild, but some are extreme. Let the reader beware...
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5 out of 5 stars
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IS A PIECE OF A@@, WORTH PRISON?, HELL YA!
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 02-10-16
By: Jack Kilborn, and others
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Nightlife
- By: Rob Thurman
- Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor
- Length: 11 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 630
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 531
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Story4 out of 5 stars 536
In New York, there's a troll under the Brooklyn Bridge, a boggle in Central Park, and a beautiful vampire in a penthouse on the Upper East Side. Of course, most humans are oblivious to this, but Cal Leandros is only half-human. His father's dark lineage is the stuff of nightmares - and he and his entire otherworldly race are after Cal.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Excellent debut for promising new series
- By Tracey on 03-28-13
By: Rob Thurman
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Nightwise
- By: R. S. Belcher
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot
- Length: 10 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 3,146
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,882
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Story4 out of 5 stars 2,881
In the more shadowy corners of the world, frequented by angels and demons and everything in between, Laytham Ballard is a legend. It's said he raised the dead at the age of 10, stole the Philosopher's Stone in Vegas back in 1999, and survived the bloodsucking kiss of the Mosquito Queen. Wise in the hidden ways of the night, he's also a cynical bastard who stopped thinking of himself as the good guy a long time ago.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Forget Any Negative Reviews and Listen Now
- By G.A. Pauper on 10-05-15
By: R. S. Belcher
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Beneath the Skin
- The Sam Hunter Case Files
- By: Jonathan Maberry
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,985
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,842
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,832
Sam Hunter is a bit of an animal. He's a former Twin Cities cop who lost his badge because of excessive force. Abusive husbands, child molesters, and other lowlifes wound up looking like they'd been mauled by a dog...or a wolf. Now Sam's a low-rent PI in Philadelphia. He takes the kinds of cases no one wants. His clients are usually on the fringes of society. The kind who are prey for all manner of predators - human and otherwise.
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4 out of 5 stars
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SO, CLICHE I ALMOST LAUGHED
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-10-17
By: Jonathan Maberry
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The Necromancer's House
- By: Christopher Buehlman
- Narrated by: Todd Haberkorn
- Length: 11 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 500
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 443
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Story4 out of 5 stars 442
Andrew Ranulf Blankenship is a handsome, stylish nonconformist with wry wit, a classic Mustang, and a massive library. He is also a recovering alcoholic and a practicing warlock, able to speak with the dead through film. His house is a maze of sorcerous booby traps and escape tunnels, as yours might be if you were sitting on a treasury of Russian magic stolen from the Soviet Union thirty years ago.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Finally - Magic / Fantasy Novel for adults.
- By David on 04-23-14
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Bone Shop
- A Marla Mason Novel
- By: T. A. Pratt
- Narrated by: Jessica Almasy
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 223
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 195
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Story4 out of 5 stars 197
Marla Mason is the chief sorcerer of Felport, a woman who's tangled with gods and monsters and come out on top (if a bit damaged in the process). Bone Shop tells the story of Marla's evolution from runaway to sorcerer's apprentice to mercenary magician and beyond. Fans of the urban fantasy series from Bantam Spectra that began with Blood Engines will find surprising secrets revealed about Marla's past, and new listeners can get to know the character from the very beginning.
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3 out of 5 stars
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LIKE LIVING IN A FRAT HOUSE
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 07-12-17
By: T. A. Pratt
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Blood Oranges
- A Siobhan Quinn Novel
- By: Kathleen Tierney
- Narrated by: Amber Benson
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 108
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 97
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Story3.5 out of 5 stars 100
My name's Quinn. If you buy into my reputation, I'm the most notorious demon hunter in New England. But rumors of my badassery have been slightly exaggerated. Instead of having kung-fu skills and a closet full of medieval weapons, I'm an ex-junkie with a talent for being in the wrong place at the right time. Or the right place at the wrong time. Or…whatever. Wanted for crimes against inhumanity I (mostly) didn't commit, I was nearly a midnight snack for a werewolf until I was "saved" by a vampire calling itself the Bride of Quiet.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Great Narration, Subpar Book
- By Mel Thomas on 12-17-14
By: Kathleen Tierney
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Zombies: More Recent Dead
- By: Neil Gaiman, Carrie Vaughn, Caitlin R. Kiernan, and others
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt, Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 20 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 128
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 116
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Story4 out of 5 stars 116
The living dead are more alive than ever! Zombies have become more than an iconic monster for the 21st century: They are now a phenomenon constantly revealing as much about ourselves - and our fascination with death, resurrection, and survival - as our love for the supernatural or post-apocalyptic speculation. Our most imaginative literary minds have been devoured by these incredible creatures and produced exciting, insightful, and unflinching new works of zombie fiction.
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3 out of 5 stars
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A well blended mix
- By The Lone Mopper on 07-30-15
By: Neil Gaiman, and others
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All Those Explosions Were Someone Else's Fault
- By: James Alan Gardner
- Narrated by: Emily Woo Zeller
- Length: 13 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 179
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 161
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Story4 out of 5 stars 161
Kim Lam is an ordinary college student until a freak scientific accident (what else?) transforms Kim and three housemates into Sparks - and drafts them into the never-ending war between the Light and Dark. They struggle to master their new abilities - and (of course) to design cool costumes and come up with great hero-names. Turns out that "accident" was just the first salvo in a Mad Genius's latest diabolical scheme. Now it's up to four newbie heroes to save the day, before they even have a chance to figure out what their team's name should be!
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great start to a new series!
- By Donaithnen on 11-16-17
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Grave Witch
- Alex Craft Series, Book 1
- By: Kalayna Price
- Narrated by: Emily Durante
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,369
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,190
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,200
Not even death can save her now. As a grave witch, Alex Craft can speak to the dead---she's even on good terms with Death himself. As a consultant for the police, she's seen a lot of dark magic, but nothing has prepared her for her latest case.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Excellent Story Narrator needs alot more practice
- By Persistant.SNAFU on 07-06-11
By: Kalayna Price
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Glass Houses
- Morganville Vampires, Book 1
- By: Rachel Caine
- Narrated by: Cynthia Holloway
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,723
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,341
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,347
Morganville, Texas, is a small college town filled with quirky characters. But when the sun goes down, the bad come out. Because in Morganville, there is an evil that lurks in the darkest shadows---one that will spill out into the bright light of day.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Be Aware..
- By Justin on 07-21-09
By: Rachel Caine
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Crimes by Moonlight
- Mysteries from the Dark Side
- By: Charlaine Harris - author/editor
- Narrated by: Natalie Ross
- Length: 12 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 135
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 97
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Story4 out of 5 stars 100
In number-one New York Times best-selling author Charlaine Harris’s "Dahlia Underground,” venerable vampire Dahlia Lynley-Chivers survives an attack by an anti-vampire terrorist group, only to show them they tried to blow up the wrong bloodsucker. Bailey Ruth Raeburn, a ghost assigned to assist humans in trouble, steps into the middle of a marital dispute with surprising twists in Carolyn Hart’s “Riding High”....
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4 out of 5 stars
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Pleasantly surprised
- By Bonnie on 08-06-11
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John Dies at the End
- By: David Wong
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 14 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 9,454
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 8,554
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Story4 out of 5 stars 8,570
STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why?
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5 out of 5 stars
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Vulgar Funny. 4.95 Sale Win.
- By C Yohe on 11-19-12
By: David Wong
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