Bad Sex

Truth, Pleasure, and an Unfinished Revolution

By: Nona Willis Aronowitz

Narrated by: Nona Willis Aronowitz

Named a Most Anticipated Book by Bustle, Esquire, Nylon, and The Millions

“Intimate, thoughtful, and accessible to anyone struggling with the persistent, maddening inequities of contemporary sex.”–Rebecca Traister, New York Times bestselling author of Good and Mad

From Teen Vogue sex and love columnist Nona Willis Aronowitz, a blend of memoir, social history, and cultural criticism that probes the meaning of desire and sexual freedom today.

At thirty-two years old, everything in Nona Willis Aronowitz’s life, and in America, was in disarray. Her marriage was falling apart. Her nuclear family was slipping away. Her heart and libido were both in overdrive. Embroiled in an era of fear, reckoning, and reimagining, her assumptions of what “sexual liberation” meant were suddenly up for debate.

In the thick of personal and political turmoil, Nona turned to the words of history’s sexual revolutionaries—including her late mother, early radical pro-sex feminist Ellen Willis. At a time when sex has never been more accepted and feminism has never been more mainstream, Nona asked herself: What, exactly, do I want? And are my sexual and romantic desires even possible amid the horrors and bribes of patriarchy, capitalism, and white supremacy?

Nona’s attempt to find the answer places her search for authentic intimacy alongside her family history and other stories stretching back nearly two hundred years. Stories of ambivalent wives and unchill sluts, free lovers and radical lesbians, sensitive men and woke misogynists, women who risk everything for sex—who buy sex, reject sex, have bad sex and good sex. The result is a brave, bold, and vulnerable exploration of what sexual freedom can mean. Bad Sex is Nona’s own journey to sexual satisfaction and romantic happiness, which not only lays bare the triumphs and flaws of contemporary feminism but also shines a light on universal questions of desire.

©2022 Nona Willis Aronowitz (P)2022 Penguin Audio

Interesting read - quite an interesting lived experience

I think the author was on an episode of the podcast ‘You’re wrong about’ with Sarah Marshall and I made note of this book.

The lived experience is alien to me and that’s why I’m glad to listen about other peoples experiences. Interjected with historic references for context, it was an interesting listen.

As for myself I had a hard time understanding what exactly the “problem” really was. Can’t the author just relax, chill out and enjoy herself? Why overthinking everything, why is nothing ever enough?

I do believe that some good questions are asked: how much of what I want or like is inate, or really ‘me’ and how much of it is about learned behavior in a patriarchal society?

Tons of things people see as normal or are taken for granted are questioned and analyzed and that’s quite interesting also.

I can recommend this listen.

Feels like she represented our era well!

So thorough! She addresses every thought ive had over the years, not just about sex but about monogamy vs polyamory, heterosexuality, and so much more. Loved the deep dive into grey areas. She and I are the same age—both born in 84. Feels like she represented our era well!

Norman Rudich’s son.

Norman Rudich, was a legally-blind, ‘Professor of Marxist Literary Theory, in all eight Romance Languages. His French bff, was Lucien Goldman, who sponsored his Fulbright, after reading his, Princeton Phd on Flaubert. He was a proud, ‘Stalin was regrettable, but necessary’ communist. By 6, I responded, that only logically necessary deaths are moral. To hiss ‘pacifism leads to the extermination of pacifists’, I said, yeah, the way they shot Gandhi, and the the Oilman family. Later, I wrote the computer version of Bertell’s Class Struggle Game.

At 7, I taught myself programming, and at 8, I made my own computer language, SPIT, Symbolic Programming Instruction Translator, that could do unbounded, arithmetic. In French, 8th grade, I was given the perfect nickname, ‘digit’. I had no idea, I was special, until I attended NMH school, in Northfield MA.
Dr. Mary Johnson, was a legendary, teacher, analyst, who initiated, a world wide, scientific search, for someone who could write optimal programs, and I could in real-time. She told me: I was the single one on the planet. She had the luminary role, of being the first to define the word, Science, as: the part logically dominated, by. Equivalently, that which is logically required, and nothing but.
I graduated from Wesleyan with high honors, in Math and CS in 1984. My Wesleyan sweetheart was Julia Kay, who lived in Feminist House, and we had nothing but great sex, whenever it was logically possible. At her insistence, we had an open relationship, and we tried Plato’s Retreat. My philosophy class bff, pacifist protester, Stephen Hubble, lived in Eco House. I took all the major courses, in Math, CS, Acting, Philosophy, Cognitive Science, and many of the classes, Julia did. Like, nona we happily scheduled to spend, every available minute together.

I went as my father’s assistant, and I attended all the talks, at the 1976 Marxist Literary Group meeting in St. Cloud, run by Jameson and Aronowitz.

Just like my father, 2/3 attending thought, got cause and effect, backwards; taking logically inconsistent, understanding of the word science, and materialism. They view, physics as teleological, and think Marx, created material, as opposed to material creating Marx. Worse these people had no problem, with anything Charles de Gaulle, did; or the logic of power, all around the world. My father, would always be a gentleman, as a roommate, but was an active evil, as an academic. In thee 40s, 50s, and 60s, refugees, came out of communist hell holes, he held his ears, and muttered ‘disillusioned leftists’. Only 1/3 of leftists, presented as minimally violent, and could b e scientific. The other 2/3 have conspicuous, logic of power blind spots. They are an over the top, in every category, and pretend to be the good guys. This community gets -5 stars, for being, morally bankrupt, and logically inverting, the meaning of words, like rational, and scientific. NPR gets -5 stars, for failing to challenge their scientific legitimacy.
Nona get 5 stars, for her book, which gave me the chance to do this review.

Every woman can relate and should read

Nona speaks from and to the heart of every woman’s feelings of gender bias, sexual stigmatism, societal pressures and ultimately satisfaction. I can personally relate to so many of the topics that she confronted and explored in this book. Really enjoyed listening to the author read her story and breezed through it. Highly recommend!

A worthwhile, thought provoking read

As an older, white, cis-male, straight Lefty, I decided to read this book after reading a rather snarky review in a major newspaper that nonetheless piqued my interest. I have been interested in sex for almost as long as I can remember and I thought this book might provide some real insight into women. It did that, for sure, but it also yielded a number of insights about myself, history, and society at large. In the end it reaffirmed that life is pretty messy and that it’s better to embrace it as such than to expend mental and emotional energy into trying to make it fit into a Bed of Procrustes. I found the writing clear, compelling, and very frank—and was glad the author read it herself (pleasant voice, cadence, and knew where the inflections ought to go). I now find myself not only pondering the implications for myself but also whim of my family and friends might benefit from reading it… answer: everybody.

Smart, funny, thought provoking

This was a great read. I loved the references throughout. The first two chapters were lackluster for me, but I’m glad I stuck with it.

I was born in the 50s, sexually active in the mid 70s

I highly recommend this book to those that like to connect the dots to the past coming into the present of sexual well being for all. The frank discussion of pro choice vs pro life is well written. I am certain some may view this book as an abomination. That is is so unfortunate for humanity in the future!

Insightful, vulnerable and thought provoking

A very open and inquisitive book about relationships. Well worth the read for anyone

Insightful, Vulnerable, Contextual

I was captivated, perhaps out of my own similarities to Nona’s experience and also the insight I could gain into the areas in which I have no experience.

Nina is real, vulnerable, and challenges the cultural pressures women (and to a lesser extent men) face around the idea of monogamous sex and sexuality.

She details her struggles of growth and intimacy in all their hairy glory, all while providing important cultural backdrop and illustrations.

It’s a bit meandering at times, and my guess is that Nona would admit that she intellectualizes as a form of avoidance. But she pushes through it to deliver a narrative worth your time and attention.