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I opened with a quote from Paul Ferrini, in his book The 12 Steps of Forgiveness: “Properly speaking there are only three states of consciousness available to us. One is love, which is eternal and unconditional. One is fear, which is temporary and conditional. And the last is forgiveness, which is a bridge from the illusion of fear to the reality of love.”
WHOA. THAT’S HUGE.
I have spent YEARS believing and knowing and teaching that there are only two states of consciousness: love or fear. The idea that there is a third state, a bridge, if you will, from fear to love, is radical for me. And yet, it answers the question of how one gets to love when one is feeling fear. I said I have believed and taught this concept for years, and many times a student will ask me, “how do I turn my fear into love?” That question has always been a difficult one for me to answer, because how I’ve done that internally is a process that I can’t put into words. It has to do with faith, or knowing. It has to do with allowing. It has to do with acknowledging and inner awareness. It has to do with all that stuff. But as I think about it none of that really addresses a process for moving from fear to faith. But now we have one. Forgiveness!
And I just happen to have a forgiveness process for you. This is a process recently created by myself and my students in a class called 5 Gifts for an Abundant Life. We were in the class on forgiveness and more than one student voiced frustration that there wasn’t really a process in the class to use to forgive. So we created one. Thanks and acknowledgment go to Julia Mattis, Cindy Mesa, Jamie Russell and Sharon Anyan for helping to create this.

This process is for self forgiveness, because as Ferrini says, we can’t forgive others until we forgive ourselves.

I offer this process to you for your consideration:

1. Create a safe container by going into meditation, so that forgiveness of self is more of a heart space thing than an intellectual thing. Be gentle with yourself.
2. Identify what wants to be forgiven.
3. Breathe. Honor what comes up, and don't dismiss it. Accept it without judgement
4. Ask: What am I feeling? What are my beliefs behind this feeling? Identify your limiting beliefs. More meditation might be necessary.
5. Talk about it with a practitioner, prayer partner, mentor, coach or trusted friend.
6. Resolve to change your thinking. Do a treatment: Identify what you want to replace the old belief or way of thinking, then identify how you will feel when the old way of thinking or believing is replaced, then treat for that. Ask for help from a practitioner or prayer partner if necessary.
7. Resolve to change our feelings about it, not our thoughts. courageously release my resistance, courageously surrender.
8. Set the intention every day to feel the way you identified that you want to feel. Then go about your day, trusting that your intention is coming true.
9. Make amends to yourself, which means to set things right with yourself. Sometimes the treatment and intention is enough, sometimes you might need action as well. Resolve to do things differently if needed.
10.Go forth and have fun!

Affirmation: Today I fully and completely forgive myself, thus opening myself up to joy, happiness and peace.

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