AutoFellatio
A Memoir
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AutoFellatio
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Narrated by:
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Nick Mercer
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By:
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James Maker
About this listen
"Apart from herpes and Lulu – everything is eventually swept away."
Just one shimmering pearl of wisdom from pop-star and polymath James Maker, whose worldly observations will (like herpes) once again be on everyone’s lips thanks to his award-winning memoir, remastered with new chapters.
If you hadn’t heard of rock bands Raymonde or RPLA – fronted by James in the 80s and 90s – you might be forgiven for mistaking AutoFellatio for fiction. But here fact is more fantastical than any novel. We follow our hero from Bermondsey enfant-terrible to Valencian grande dame, a scenic journey that stops off variously at Morrissey confidant, dominatrix, singer, songwriter.
It is literally littered with memorable bons mots and hilarious anecdotes that make you feel like you've hit the wedding-reception jackpot of being unexpectedly seated next to the groom's flamboyant uncle.
According to Wikipedia, very few men can perform the act of autofellatio. We never discover whether James is one of them but certainly, as a storyteller, he is one in a million.
James Maker first trod the boards in 1982 as dancer and backing vocalist with The Smiths, and was erroneously known as "The Fifth Smith". He subsequently became lyricist and lead singer with the 1980s Indie group, Raymonde, and 1990s "gay" Hard Rock group RPLA. In 2004, he supported the New York Dolls.
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 21
Over his 30-year career at Condé Nast, Nicholas Coleridge has witnessed it all. From the anxieties of the Princess of Wales to the blazing fury of Mohamed Al-Fayed, his story is also the story of the people who populate the glamorous world of glossy magazines. With relish and astonishing candour, he offers the inside scoop on Tina Brown and Anna Wintour, David Bowie and Philip Green, Kate Moss and Beyonce and a surreal weekend away with Bob Geldof and William Hague.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A superfun inside look @ world of magazine editors
- By AminaRuhle on 10-05-20
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Playing Under the Piano
- From Downton to Darkest Peru
- By: Hugh Bonneville
- Narrated by: Hugh Bonneville
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 90
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 77
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 77
From getting his big break as Third Shepherd in the school nativity play, to mistaking a Hollywood star for an estate agent, Hugh Bonneville creates a brilliantly vivid picture of a career on stage and screen. What is it like working with Judi Dench and Julia Roberts, or playing Robert De Niro’s right leg, or not being Gary Oldman, twice? A wickedly funny storyteller, Bonneville also writes with poignancy about his father’s dementia and of his mother, whose life in the secret service emerged only after her death.
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4 out of 5 stars
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After an uneasy start, this memoir gains steam and becomes very engaging.
- By Barbara W. on 02-24-23
By: Hugh Bonneville
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John Lennon
- The Life
- By: Philip Norman
- Narrated by: Graeme Malcolm
- Length: 12 hrs and 52 mins
- Abridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 163
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 127
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Story4 out of 5 stars 126
Philip Norman turns his formidable talent to the Beatle for whom belonging to the world's most beloved pop group was never enough. Drawing on previously untapped sources, and with unprecedented access to all the major characters, here is the definitive portrait of John Lennon. This biography takes a fresh and penetrating look at Lennon's much-chronicled life, including the songs that have turned him, posthumously, into almost a secular saint.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Really Bad Abridgement Job (slash job)
- By Let's Be Reasonable on 12-04-08
By: Philip Norman
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No Cunning Plan
- By: Sir Tony Robinson
- Narrated by: Tony Robinson
- Length: 14 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 92
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 79
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Story5 out of 5 stars 78
Sir Tony Robinson is a much-loved actor, presenter and author with a stellar career lasting over 50 years. Now, in his long-awaited autobiography, he reveals how the boy from South Woodford went from child stardom in the first stage production of Oliver!, a pint-size pickpocket desperately bleaching his incipient moustache, to comedy icon Baldrick, the loyal servant and turnip aficionado in Blackadder.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great audible book as read by Sir Tony Robinson
- By Michael Thomas Fortson on 04-15-21
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My Life in Dire Straits
- The Inside Story of One of the Biggest Bands in Rock History
- By: John Illsley
- Narrated by: John Illsley
- Length: 9 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 50
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 42
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Story5 out of 5 stars 42
One of the most successful music acts of all time, Dire Straits filled stadiums around the world. Their albums sold hundreds of millions of copies and their music - classics like “Sultans of Swing”, “Romeo and Juliet", “Money for Nothing”, and “Brothers in Arms” - is still played on every continent today. There was, quite simply, no bigger band on the planet throughout the '80s. In this powerful and entertaining memoir, founding member John Illsley gives the inside track on the most successful rock band of their time.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Big fan of the band.
- By Curtis Carpenter on 11-15-24
By: John Illsley
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The Barbizon
- The Hotel that Set Women Free
- By: Paulina Bren
- Narrated by: Andi Arndt
- Length: 9 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 398
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 340
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 337
Welcome to New York’s legendary hotel for women, the Barbizon. Liberated after WWI from home and hearth, women flocked to New York City during the Roaring Twenties. But even as women’s residential hotels became the fashion, the Barbizon stood out; it was designed for young women with artistic aspirations, and included soaring art studios and soundproofed practice rooms. More importantly still, with no men allowed beyond the lobby, the Barbizon signaled respectability, a place where a young woman of a certain class could feel at home.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A Very Enjoyable Non Fiction, Mostly Easy Listening
- By Frank Donnelly on 03-23-21
By: Paulina Bren
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The Wisdom of Sally Red Shoes
- A Novel
- By: Ruth Hogan
- Narrated by: Elaine Claxton
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 108
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 92
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 92
Once a spirited, independent woman with a rebellious streak, Masha's life was forever changed by a tragic event 12 years ago. Unable to let go of her grief, she finds comfort in her faithful canine companion Haizum and peace in the quiet lanes of her town's swimming pool. Almost without her realizing it, her life has shuddered to a halt.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Sweet Story
- By Nancy Briggs on 12-14-19
By: Ruth Hogan
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The Castle on Sunset
- Life, Death, Love, Art, and Scandal at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont
- By: Shawn Levy
- Narrated by: Mike Chamberlain
- Length: 12 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 552
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 470
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 472
Since 1929, Hollywood’s brightest stars have flocked to the Chateau Marmont as if it were a second home. An apartment building-turned-hotel, the Chateau has been the backdrop for generations of gossip and folklore: where director Nicholas Ray slept with his 16-year-old Rebel Without a Cause star Natalie Wood; Jim Morrison swung from the balconies; John Belushi suffered a fatal overdose; and Lindsay Lohan got the boot after racking up nearly $50,000 in charges in less than two months. Much of what has happened inside the Chateau’s walls has eluded the public eye - until now.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Was enjoying it until...
- By leigh on 04-22-20
By: Shawn Levy
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Queen Unseen
- My Life with the Greatest Rock Band of the 20th Century
- By: Peter Hince
- Narrated by: Peter Hince, Rupert Holliday Evans
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 323
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 286
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 286
Imagine being alongside one of the greatest bands in the history of rock, touring the globe, and being there as they perform at some of the best and biggest music venues in the world. Peter Hince didn't have to imagine. For more than a decade, he lived a life that other people can only dream of as he worked with Queen as the head of their road crew. In this intimate and affectionate book, Peter recalls the highlights of his years with the band.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Loved it!
- By Toni M on 11-20-18
By: Peter Hince
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The Dark Flood Rises
- A Novel
- By: Dame Margaret Drabble
- Narrated by: Anna Bentinck
- Length: 13 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 136
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 124
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Story4 out of 5 stars 125
Francesca Stubbs has a very full life. A highly regarded expert on housing for the elderly who is herself getting on in age, she drives restlessly round England. Amid the professional conferences she attends, she fits in visits to old friends, brings home-cooked dinners to her ex-husband, texts her son, who is grieving over the sudden death of his girlfriend, and drops in on her daughter, a quirky young woman who lives in a floodplain in the West Country.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Life Observed By An Exceptional Writer
- By Sara on 03-22-17
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Famous Father Girl
- A Memoir of Growing Up Bernstein
- By: Jamie Bernstein
- Narrated by: Jamie Bernstein
- Length: 10 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 169
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 155
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 152
The oldest daughter of revered composer/conductor Leonard Bernstein offers a rare look at her father on the centennial of his birth in a deeply intimate and broadly evocative memoir. The composer of On the Town and West Side Story, chief conductor of the New York Philharmonic, television star, humanitarian, friend of the powerful and influential, and the life of every party, Leonard Bernstein was an enormous celebrity during one of the headiest periods of American cultural life, as well as the most protean musician in 20th-century America.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Can't say enough good things
- By barbara on 10-10-18
By: Jamie Bernstein
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Time Pieces
- A Dublin Memoir
- By: John Banville
- Narrated by: John Lee
- Length: 4 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 31
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 26
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 26
As much about the life of the city as it is about a life lived, sometimes, in the city, John Banville's "quasi-memoir" is as layered, emotionally rich, witty, and unexpected as any of his novels. Born and bred in a small town a train ride away from Dublin, Banville saw the city as a place of enchantment when he was a child, a birthday treat, the place where his beloved, eccentric aunt lived.
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5 out of 5 stars
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‘loved it!
- By SandyK on 02-24-24
By: John Banville
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The Years
- By: Annie Ernaux
- Narrated by: Anna Bentinck
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 212
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 185
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 186
The Years is a personal narrative of the period of 1941 to 2006 told through the lens of memory, impressions past and present - even projections into the future - photos, books, songs, radio, television, and decades of advertising and headlines, contrasted with intimate conflicts and written notes from six decades of diaries. Local dialect, words of the time, slogans, brands, and names for ever-proliferating objects are given a voice here. The voice we recognize as the author's continually dissolves and re-emerges.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Mixed Feelings
- By Elin VanD on 05-10-20
By: Annie Ernaux
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The Price of Illusion
- A Memoir
- By: Joan Juliet Buck
- Narrated by: Joan Juliet Buck
- Length: 15 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 51
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 48
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 48
From Joan Juliet Buck, former editor-in-chief of Paris Vogue, comes a dazzling memoir: a fabulous account of four decades spent in the creative heart of London, New York, Los Angeles, and Paris, chronicling Buck's quest to discover the difference between glitter and gold, illusion and reality, and what looks like happiness from the thing itself.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Narcissistic name dropper
- By Marlette on 12-03-19
By: Joan Juliet Buck
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Surviving Ireland
- By: Colm Tobin
- Narrated by: Colm Tobin
- Length: 4 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 37
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 31
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 31
It's exhausting being Irish. The constant self-flagellation is enough to put anybody off their breakfast. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Is it the postcolonial overhang following centuries of oppression at the hands of a litany of foreign invaders? Or is it collective guilt for sending Westlife out into the wider world? In Surviving Ireland, acclaimed comedy writer Colm Tobin takes the listener by the hand for a satirical romp through modern Irish life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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very fun
- By Rick on 06-12-19
By: Colm Tobin
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House of Trelawney
- By: Hannah Rothschild
- Narrated by: Corrie James
- Length: 13 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 126
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 112
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 112
The seat of the Trelawney family for over 700 years, Trelawney Castle was once the jewel of the Cornish coast. Each successive Earl spent with abandon, turning the house and grounds into a sprawling, extravagant palimpsest of wings, turrets, and follies. But as the centuries passed the Earls of Trelawney, their ambition dulled by generations of pampered living, failed to develop other skills.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Really fun read
- By Ruthi on 04-12-20
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Auntie Poldi and the Sicilian Lions
- Auntie Poldi, Book 1
- By: Mario Giordano
- Narrated by: Matt Addis
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 98
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 88
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Story4 out of 5 stars 88
Auntie Poldi can think of no finer place to wait for death than Sicily. All she asks is a sea view, fine wine (and plenty of it), and her family close around. When death instead takes her handsome young friend Valentino - and under mysterious circumstances at that - Poldi will not take it lying down. Perhaps it's in her blood, but Auntie Poldi's hunting instincts have never felt more alive. Justice must be served - if it's the last thing she does....
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5 out of 5 stars
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More fun and murder in Sicily!
- By MolllyT on 02-19-18
By: Mario Giordano
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Almost French
- By: Sarah Turnbull
- Narrated by: Caroline Lee
- Length: 11 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 186
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 162
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Story4 out of 5 stars 159
After backpacking her way around Europe journalist Sarah Turnbull is ready to embark on one last adventure before heading home to Sydney. A chance meeting with a charming Frenchman in Bucharest changes her travel plans forever. Acting on impulse, she agrees to visit Fredric in Paris for a week. Put a very French Frenchman together with a strong-willed Australian girl and the result is some spectacular - and often hilarious - cultural clashes.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Almost Terrific
- By Elizabeth on 02-05-13
By: Sarah Turnbull